Today’s Journey

Thinking about how life is just one continuous journey.  There are ups and downs and I think I just pray the downs become dips instead of valleys.  Some days, I feel like I’m about to burst with possibility.  Then, I’ll hit a dip, the voices in my head start screaming all the fear triggers I have and I feel like I dissolve into a crying mess.  Even when I can see it happening, I’m often not able to stop it.  Gotta work on that.  I feel like I had a tiny victory though.  When someone recently made a comment to me that was a dagger to my heart, I let myself be sad.  I didn’t dismiss it away, I sat in the space for a time.  But I was also sad for that person.  Sad that they were living in a negative space.  Praying they can move away from that space.

I think that what is helping me work through these feelings is that I have no time for being a victim and blaming.  What’s the point?  Say you think you’re a victim.  Wah, wah, woe is me, I certainly didn’t do anything to cause this situation.  Ok, so life did you wrong…you think.  The thing is, you can stay in that space or do something about it.  I tend to feel like in any situation, I had a piece of it, whether small or large.  Sitting back feeling like a victim doesn’t force me to look at my part.  That’s what I need to focus on.  Otherwise, it’s a huge time suck of crankiness that doesn’t resolve anything and doesn’t move me forward.  Blame or excuses are just lies I tell myself so I don’t have to face reality.  So I’ll accept my part and move forward…ok, maybe after I lose a few hours of sleep, but I still move forward.  It’s a journey, after all.

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