Thinking about how life is just one continuous journey. There are ups and downs and I think I just pray the downs become dips instead of valleys. Some days, I feel like I’m about to burst with possibility. Then, I’ll hit a dip, the voices in my head start screaming all the fear triggers I have and I feel like I dissolve into a crying mess. Even when I can see it happening, I’m often not able to stop it. Gotta work on that. I feel like I had a tiny victory though. When someone recently made a comment to me that was a dagger to my heart, I let myself be sad. I didn’t dismiss it away, I sat in the space for a time. But I was also sad for that person. Sad that they were living in a negative space. Praying they can move away from that space.
I think that what is helping me work through these feelings is that I have no time for being a victim and blaming. What’s the point? Say you think you’re a victim. Wah, wah, woe is me, I certainly didn’t do anything to cause this situation. Ok, so life did you wrong…you think. The thing is, you can stay in that space or do something about it. I tend to feel like in any situation, I had a piece of it, whether small or large. Sitting back feeling like a victim doesn’t force me to look at my part. That’s what I need to focus on. Otherwise, it’s a huge time suck of crankiness that doesn’t resolve anything and doesn’t move me forward. Blame or excuses are just lies I tell myself so I don’t have to face reality. So I’ll accept my part and move forward…ok, maybe after I lose a few hours of sleep, but I still move forward. It’s a journey, after all.