Oh the things we say

What if you really said all the things that were really in your head?  I had a conversation with a friend about this today.  Sometimes, I play out entire conversations in my head.  I’m witty, funny, brave, strong, forceful, all things I wish I would really be in conversations.  Other days though, I’m maybe a little catty, snarky, mean, but these are things I would never say in a conversation.  Why? Well a) I HATE conflict – I’m sorry is there not a stronger way to say that? Hate, hate, hate… turns my stomach…avoid it in my personal life a LOT; b) Reeeealy want to be seen as a nice person; c) it’s not kind or nice; and maybe more importantly, d)no good would come from it and I’d feel bad about it later. Ok, but these things I shouldn’t say are funny sometimes, but if there at someone else’s expense, I probably shouldn’t even be thinking it, much less saying out loud.

Do you ever have those days when you say something and have to follow up with “was that in my out loud voice?” for something that belonged in your head?  Yeah, that happens.  And sometimes because I process a lot out loud, I lose track and then the stream of consciousness continues when I didn’t mean it to, oh geezzzzz.

I know some people who think you should always say what’s on your mind, at the exact time you’re thinking or feeling it.  Even if it rains on your happy parade.  Even if it makes you cry.  Even when it’s rude, or bad timing, or just plain mean.  I don’t get that.  That’s either no filter, young and full of it, a lot of things.

I also think some of the things that pop up in our heads about ourselves we shouldn’t say out loud.  No, I’m not actually an idiot for forgetting to turn off my iron, or losing my keys, or the glasses on my face. No, I’m not lazy because I chose a 5k today not a half marathon. I’m not a failure because I didn’t clean my house this week.  It’s hard to feel good if I’m always mean to myself.  Yep, same that is true for others is true for how we are to ourselves.

Alright, gotta get to my so what.  Think about those thoughts that run through your head.  About others, about you.  Hold yourself in check.  Speak truth, speak up, but speak kindly, lovingly, particularly to yourself.  Be your greatest fan because you are the voice in your head – choose to listen to the good one!

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