This Life I Have

CD_blessedLifePreviewDo you ever think about your life? I mean really just sit and think about how blessed you are? Cut through all the noise and the nonsense that clutters your brain, your thoughts, your perspectives and just think about how blessed you are have the life that God has given you? Yeah, me neither.  But today, this week, I have.  I was reminded in the most difficult of ways how unfair life can be.  How, in an instant, what you know as reality can change and what appeared to be the next step really isn’t that at all.

Someone I’ve known my whole life, not someone I’d say I was close to, but still, a familiar person, someone I’d say hi to if I randomly ran into them, who I’d spend a few minutes catching up with, who had a full, happy life, had life taken from them unexpectedly. It makes me sad for their family, who I also have known most of my life, for their friends, their community.  But it also reminds me how life can change in a blink, in an instant.

This is nothing new, conceptually, we all know it.  But what do we do about it, or is there anything to do about it?  Well, I know that, other than physically taking care of myself, there’s not a lot I can do.  I don’t know how long God plans for me to be here, I hope a long time, but there’s no predicting it.  What I CAN do is more with what I have, those gifts, the talents that I have but that I may not fully be using. It makes me think about why I don’t use them.  Laziness? likely not. Busy-ness? More likely. Fear? Oh yeah, now we’re on to something.

Fear of what? Failing, feeling like I’m being indulgent in my own desires (ok wait, that’s not a bad thing), what else? Fear of what people might think if what I do is not “by the book.”  All likely culprits.  More and more so though I think about the fact that I’m just wasting time.  I rush to go here and there, to finish my “jobs,” my responsibilities, but don’t always enjoy that time, miss the experiences, miss the happy.

And so, I challenge myself, challenge anyone, to be intentional about my life.  Going through the motions is just that, motions, not emotions – and I want more of that.  More emotion, more happy, more joy.  Using the gifts and talents I naturally have.  Living my life, not just functioning.  Taking risks, blowing off fear, doing more and doing what it takes to make that happen.  It goes back to “just start” and stop waiting for who knows what.  Just like anyone else, my time is finite, and I want to get to the end knowing I’ve experienced, I’ve lived, I’ve given my best.   The truth is, I am blessed.  My life is good, my family is good, I have first world issues, sure, but overall, I am blessed.  So right now, I’m starting…I think I’ll go take a walk!

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