So I’ve felt it in a few different ways… it’s being on my bike when feeling strong like I’m riding with a tailwind…like running downhill in great form and flying (like a rockstar!)…swimming and feeling like I could keep going and going… it’s that awesome feeling I have doing something I love and having it feel like childlike play it brings so much joy. For me, that’s part of my mojo – but part that I lost for a long time. Why is a long story and while I could say that another person caused me to lose it, that’s really not true. If I lost it, I consciously did so…I gave it away. Maybe I gave it away as part of being a people pleaser or trying to do what I thought someone else wanted. But did that make the other person or me happy? No, no it didn’t. Instead, no one is really happy and for me, I’m not being myself and that’s frustrating, and sad and a rip off. So I’ve been conscious of this and been working on getting back to the place where I have that joy again. Crap, it’s hard! It’s a choice, it’s about what I choose to do with my time, my energy and just as importantly, what I choose not to spend my time on…thinking about…worrying about.
Which leads me to the second thing rolling around in my head. That whole idea about letting myself feel confident in me, in who God made me to be, it’s a big deal. I’m starting to notice that when I have and project that confidence, others see it in me too. And that’s good, but not what I’m after. Instead, I’m just aware of it. Aware of how easy it is to talk to random people, to make conversation, to learn more about people. How easy it is to be open to what’s around me and take it in – to really appreciate what’s around me – and be able to decide if I want to keep in that space. But I’m also very aware of not getting too caught up in it. That would distract me as much as anything. I want to hold all these thoughts loosely.
I’m realizing that the more I can just notice what I’m experiencing and if I like it, if it brings me joy, or if it’s a definite no go, the more I get my mojo. That joy, the childlike joy, of doing and being with and around what I love. That just peps me up, no other way to put it. Today I was also encouraged to think about the idea that you’re never really alone – you’re with yourself and to enjoy that person! Super interesting to think about. So getting my mojo back is partly about reclaiming my passions. But it’s also about finding other parts of me that I hadn’t paid attention to before and enjoying those. I think there’s a big “watch out world” in me getting ready to be unleashed. It’s gonna be awesome!