I think this is a continuation of my DNF stream of thought, it keeps bugging me, wanting to be told. I’ve realized there’s a distinction between continuing what I’ve started and playing through when I feel I’m called to pursue something in my life. It could be any number of things, it’s that calling, that tug on my heart to see what happens. But man, sometimes I really don’t want to.
It starts innocently enough. That thought that enters my mind, “hey, hello there,” it says, or it’s a memory that comes to mind and I notice it. I think that’s the beginning, I notice it. Maybe I dismiss it, but it comes back. Crap. Then it continues to pop up, and morphs, starting to develop a life of it’s own. And I want to ignore it. It might scare me, that’s a good reason to ignore it, I figure. But it doesn’t work that way.
The calling, the prompting on my heart, it could be any number of things. It could be going out on a limb and getting training so I can work towards coaching other women. It could be that urge to call someone I haven’t talked it in a while. Or it could be something tough that I really want to ignore. Like…asking for forgiveness from someone who has hurt me. I assure you wanting to ignore that last calling is strong, very strong. I mean, seriously, wouldn’t it be for you too?
This is where playing through comes in. Sometimes with that thing that prompts on your heart the initial step is only that. The first step. And I don’t know what the next step will be. But playing through means I have to be willing to take it. Have to be willing to be exposed, to possibly face pain, or to face disappointment. The flip side though is that it could lead to something good, something healing, even though that healing might not be for me, it could be for another person. I think that’s the thing with playing through, I have to follow, be obedient to it, and it may be for me, or it might be for someone else. That part doesn’t really matter. It’s the step of faith, in faith…and then I have to let go and wait. I can’t push it. The calling, the prompting, it’ll come back…it’s how God works. It might say, “ok, good job, you’re done,” or it might say nothing and just fade out, or it could also show me the next step. Either way, I’m going to play through.