It’s the day before Christmas, and I’m thinking about celebrating the birth of Christ. But I’m also thinking about life. Where I am today, where I’ve been and where I’m headed. I think that’s fairly normal with New Year’s right around the corner. Although I’m working on breaking this habit, I have a tendency to look at the mold I think I was formed to fit within, and compare myself to that. The expectations, the Pinterest board of everything I should be doing.
Consider Christmas. I love having my family with me. This year, I had my husband (of course), both of my adulting children, my mom and stepdad. We celebrate Christmas whenever we can get all of us together, which was this weekend. True to form, I planned out dinner, games, present time…I cooked, wrapped, cleaned…you know, basically exhausted myself. Who asked me to do that? No one! So what’s up with that??
I’m getting to my point…just stick with me.
Here’s what went down in my head throughout our celebration. I was an observer. I spend time making sure everyone was having a good time. I was in the fun, but always had one foot out because I was making sure people were fed, had drinks, and all that jazz. I think this is the female brain with traditional programming. In my case, I try, but can’t quite let myself be fully in because there’s so much to do.
I hold back. Somewhat afraid, I think, to really let go and just be in the moment. To step into the flow. It’s years of oldest child programming…if you are one, like me, you know what I’m talking about. So…much…responsibility. You get it.
Deep breath.
In this midst of all this, I saw this Brian Andres painting/quote and it stopped me. It rolled around in my head and brought me back to the journey I’ve been on for all of 2017. To just be. To step into myself, to love myself just as I am, and to do that not because of what I do, but because of who I am. Put achievements aside and just love the person.
What is that so hard??? Why do I fall back into the mode of performing so easily? Because the truth of it is that it takes away from relaxing into the person I am. I think Brian Andres has it right when he says,
“…You may not even notice how quickly you forget all the years you spend being afraid of exactly this.” That’s where I am. Asking myself what I’m afraid of that keeps me from being exactly who God created me to be. Stepping into living his purpose, which includes, for one, enjoying and being with my family.
What does all that mean for me? If you’re on this journey too, what does it mean for you? What is it that tugs at your heart, makes it flutter, brings you joy? That thing that we always tell…I’ll do that tomorrow. I’ll do it when… Why not today?
I don’t think it’s about resolutions. It’s about embracing your true self. The self God created you to be. The joy and ease that comes with it will be amazing. You still have time. As you celebrate Christmas with your family, whatever your family looks like, truly be there. Step in with both feet. People will still get fed. Dishes will get done. Gifts will get wrapped, or maybe they won’t – that’s why we have bags, stick it in, no one will really care. Christmas is about celebrating Christ’s birth and doing that with our families. The family you are a part of, not a bystander to. Let go of expectation and just be with those you love. To be your true self is brave, it’s the person you were made to be. We get to wake up each day and choose to step into that person. Together.
Love to you this Christmas my friends.