Author: Lisa@bbrave

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Owning YOUR Story

Owning your storyEvery 4 ½ minutes, a baby is born with a birth defect in the United States. That’s nearly 120,000 babies born with birth defects each year. In my estimation, the prevalence of birth defects in the late 1960’s when I was born was perhaps more, because maternal care was not as sophisticated as today. Though I don’t have the stats on it, the advancement of medical care through the years has also likely resulted in a decrease in the long-term effects of some birth defects.

When I was born, the doctors knew I had a birth defect in my foot that would likely result in amputation. Too much blood in my foot, that’s how I always described it. By the time I was 4 ½ I was in the hospital undergoing the predicted amputation. After 3 months at Shriner in San Francisco, I returned home to Yosemite to adjust and carry on with the business of being a little girl.

Around the time I was 8, my folks divorced and I moved with my mother a few hours away to start the 3rd grade. We moved a year later and life at home was somewhat chaotic the next six years. In high school, I returned to Yosemite to live with my Dad until college.

Purposefully I tell that portion of my story at a high level. The early years, the time I was in the hospital was extremely impactful, it created my lifelong love of medicine and the comfort I experience when I visit the doctor, have medical procedures, spend time in the hospital. I look back on that time with warm fuzzies.

What I’ve noticed about the middle part is that I have little to say about it and at the same time, volumes. But telling your story to another person is an act of vulnerability. It’s opening up, exposing yourself. Your version might be whimsical, magical, mundane, average, or it might be raw.

Here’s the thing, your story is no one else’s. But what happens sometimes is that people will layer their own judgement, or experience over yours and try to mirror back what they presume you must have felt, when in fact, it’s not accurate.

And when you’re first exploring your feelings around childhood or significant life events, you might listen. You could be tempted to add a layer of experience that wasn’t there. “It must have been so hard for you. You must have missed… You must have felt…” If you’re sharing your story, in that raw space of vulnerability, still figuring it out, you might question your recollection.

I could easily look back on being in the hospital and think about the lack, my parents weren’t there the majority of the time. There was no Ronald McDonald house, it was the norm for parents to visit only on the weekend. But that would overshadow the overwhelmingly positive impact that experience had on my life. My messy middle? I could call that the crazy, and there may be days where I do. But I’ve gone back and explored my feelings about that time, and still, I would describe it as generally fine.

Your story is yours alone. Other people’s insertions, interpretations, the overwhelming inclination of some people to analyze your “family of origin,” has its place. But it’s a small space. Continuing to rehash over and over? Exhausting. I’ve learned that when you’re first exploring your story you might be like a sponge and listen to what others insert. But as you rumble with your story, you will determine what it truly is for you. Other’s opinions can fall by the wayside, they can, frankly, back off.

Brené Brown writes that owning your story is the bravest thing you’ll ever do. I wholeheartedly agree. Whatever it is for you, let it be your own. No one can take that away from you. You are brave, strong and worthy of your own experience. Be authentically you. I’m on the journey with you.

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Being present with today

Patience of NatureDoes anyone else enjoy an afternoon hanging out in a sub-zero movie theater when it’s 105 degrees outside in the shade? Literal fry an egg on the pavement weather. I’ll quickly jump on that train as an escape and, hopefully, to be entertained. Which I was last weekend, enjoying The Farewell.

I’ll openly admit subtitles are not my normal jam, but this film transitioned in and out of Chinese, so I had no choice. Easily overlooked given the sweetness and care given to the subject. The film was based in part on the life experiences of the director, Lulu Wang, and depicts a family who, upon learning their beloved grandmother has only months to live, decide not to tell her and instead plan a family gathering before she dies.

Though underlying tensions about the decision not to tell the grandmother existed throughout, the secret was kept. Family members made sacrifices to keep the news secret. Enjoying a celebration filled with laughter, family and friends, you watch what you presume are the grandmother’s final days. Only to learn in the credits of the film (and in full disclosure, spoiler alert), the grandmother had not passed six years later when the film was made.

Leaving the theater, melancholic feelings washed over me. A warm sweetness largely brought about by the portrayal of the care and concern the family had to protect their grandmother. The film lingered with me for other reasons as well, wondering if there was something to the innocent ignorance on behalf of the grandmother and her prolonged health.

I’ve realized I’m at a tipping point in life where health issues are perhaps less “issues” and more a byproduct of entering middle age. My curiosity for all things medical though is so strong that when I sense something is wrong, I want to figure it out. Good or bad, that’s led to more than I bargained for. And while my medical curiosity is fed, I wonder about the benefits of not knowing.

Through much research and study, I understand the influence our minds have on our overall health. If we experience stress, that impacts our bodies, more than I’d like to acknowledge in my case. But our minds…they call a lot of the shots.

I’ve begun to realize that in some instances, perhaps we’re better off to not know what’s going on inside of us (ok…I wonder that but at the same time hope they invent the human version of the diagnostic tool used to figure out why the check engine light is on in your car…so.many.possibilities). What would we do differently if we weren’t waiting for the other shoe to drop? Knowing we have X Y or Z condition that could manifest at any time. Like the grandmother in The Farewell who continued thriving because she wasn’t worried, looking for the manifestation of her illness.

What if instead our minds weren’t distracted with problems and we focused on living? Often, we rush to nail down what’s next. In health, what will be the next symptom or sign we’re watching for (which is not a statement against medical treatment – don’t mistake me – it’s over analyzing each ache and pain that perhaps in a natural byproduct of having lived 50, 60 or more years). In life, a posture of waiting for conditions to be exactly right for happiness, the right weight, a perfect relationship, job success. We put off being in the moment and patiently waiting for what’s next in an urgency to get conditions exactly right.

Could we choose to slow down? To live in a space of not knowing, and being content with that? Not rushing to the conclusion, the answer…and instead sit with the knowledge that you’re doing, being, feeling, exactly what you’re supposed to in this moment. Take a breath and sit with who you are today. Enjoy the sweet simpleness that arises when you’re present with yourself and those around you? I believe it’s worth the effort. Worth putting down the worries that occupy our minds and simply be.

What about you? What do you need to put down and be patient about so that you can be in the moment, enjoying life and those around you? Once you let the burden go, you might miss it for a while, but the abundance that can fill that space is worth the shift. Give it a try, I’m on the journey with you.

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How to say Yes to the right things

Can't do it allCalifornia recently emerged from a drought that lasted 376 weeks. From December 2011 to March 2017, the state endured one of the most intense droughts in California history. The cause was attributed to a ridge of high pressure in the Pacific Ocean, named the “Ridiculously Resilient Ridge” which often barred winter storms from reaching the state. Researchers can see evidence of past droughts by analyzing tree rings, smaller during periods of drought.

For those of you living in the state, you will recall the winter storm blasts beginning in 2017. Snow for days. The cumulative effect resulted in the state being declared drought free by mid-March 2019. I live not far from Truckee, California – near Lake Tahoe – and the stories of the snow piling up around the town were intense. There was literally nowhere to put the snow it fell in such abundant quantities.

At the same time the California drought was in a period of recovery, my creative life was in a season of drought. The internal stirring to create was strong, but nothing was happening. Creativity for me is more than creative arts, yes, it’s that, painting, writing, but it’s also putting together groups, pouring into others. That area? Nothing, nada. And I felt it rolling around inside me in the form of frustration. I kept dreaming and the “I want to,” phrase was one I told myself frequently as I worked through ideas, but they never came to fruition.

Until they did.

Within the last month, it’s as though the floodgates have opened. The drought ended, and rain began pouring from the sky. When that happens after a period of environmental drought? There’s a risk of a flash flood. The ground can only absorb the moisture so fast and the additional water must go somewhere, anywhere.

What was one, two opportunities became five and six and as I reflected on the abundance, on how I would juggle, a mixture of excitement and overwhelmed was cooking inside me. Overwhelmed won, for a moment.

But I realized that I had a choice. I could do anything I wanted, but I couldn’t do it all. Tough to come to grips with for someone who prides herself just that. Who doesn’t want to let anyone down by saying no. At this phase in life though, wisdom prevailed. We might think we have to do it all, but we don’t. What we need to do is realize where our strengths and talents lie and lean in. The other stuff, the stuff that’s fun and we have interest in?  That’s all well and good, but if it spreads us too thin, if it pulls away from our area of strength, should we pursue it? For me, the answer was no.

Because, although the period of drought is fresh in my mind, thinking that there will never be other opportunities like this is a scarcity mindset. There will be more. For any of us, if we choose an abundance mindset, there will be more. When we have the abundance mindset, it’s easier to stay within our boundaries. Saying yes to the right things and being comfortable saying no to the not quite right things.

What are you saying yes to right now that you should be saying no? The choice is yours but if you’re saying a soft yes, a wavering yes, an “I guess so,” yes…the answer is probably no. You can say no. There will be more. And when you can say a strong yes? You’ll know it’s right and as you lean in to your areas of strength, you’ll find abundance will continue to flow into all the right places in your life.

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Create your own adventure

Big AdventureAdventurous. Isn’t that an adjective we hope people use when describing us? Up for anything. Ready for any anything. Traveler, experience seeker…all of it. I’d like to call myself an adventurer. I love exploring places I’ve never been, love finding somewhere new. Love the idea of travel. Picking up at a moment’s notice and taking off, no plans…open to whatever comes my way.

But what do I look like in real life? Dreaming of those adventures but spending Saturday night watch the latest Netflix original movie, Otherhood. Would I recommend it? No. A tale of moms of late 20-something boys who find themselves on the outside of their son’s lives. Can I relate? I’m going to say no and leave it at that. I love my mama’s boys…but I digress…

I found myself ruminating about the dichotomy of what my dreams are and what I actually do. As always, there’s more than one factor at play. It’s likely that way with any area of disconnect in our lives. The causes are not black and white. There are shades of grey, or, ombre if I’m being hip and cool #lifegoals.

What started my rambling thoughts was an idea that popped into my head as I was waking up the other day. I love Santa Cruz and I started dreaming about how fun it would be to drive over for an adventurous weekend. Not more than a minute later the naysayer voice started. It’s a long way…it’s only you…what will you do…are you worth spending the money to get a hotel… Flooding into my mind, as though the thoughts were waiting to pounce, waiting to squash the dream.

Except this time, I caught them.

Startled into full alertness, I realized the path I went down. Killing my own dreams because I didn’t feel “worth it.” What…the…hell??? A trip to Santa Cruz? Come on now. It’s not that complicated. Hotel, cheap eats, some Starbucks…easy-peasy. But I’d stopped it. I could tell the thought process was going down the path of, stay safe and content in your own house…minimize risks…save your money. Valid, but not overriding reasons to skip an adventure.

Scouring my memories, I recalled that I have had numerous adventures over the years. How did those happen if I barely wanted to leave my cozy chair today? Friends, that’s how. I had Rockstar adventurous girlfriends who led me down the path to bike trips. To places in California I’d never seen before, beautiful, stunning even, stretches of the coast that everyone should see. From the seat of my bike, I explored California with gusto, because I had buddies. A trip to Ireland years ago happened because a friend wanted to go and I tagged along for the ride. Guinness does taste better in Dublin.

Maybe the answer to adventure is two-fold, it could be for any of us. Believing you are worth it, because you are, and having the motivation. In the past my friends motivated me, and maybe that’ll be the case again, but travelling for the pure joy of it is motivation enough for me. Honestly, solo travel has appeal.

An adventurous life may not be the dream you sidestep. It may be going back to school, or learning piano, guitar, another language, or maybe starting a new business, or insert your dream here. Whatever it is, tell yourself deep down that you are worth it. Period. End of story. Every single one of us could come up with endless reasons not to pursue a dream, instead, say yes. Don’t wait another minute. And to make sure it happens? Accountability. Friends to do it with you, or who will ask you about it. People who you trust and who will follow up for your better good, not to hassle you. Your tribe are your allies, engage them to push you towards your dreams.

It’s a journey for every one of us, let’s keep taking it together. Be brave, Be authentic, Be bold my friends.

 

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Standing in the Wilderness

Stand in the WildernessBold. The word I chose for 2019 which I’m trying to live out. But… in a lot of instances I feel pretty squishy. I am open to a wide variety of perspectives, options. I steer clear of most issues many in the general population get fired up about. Rant about on their social media. It’s just not who I am.

For one, it rubs up against my peacemaking nature. My default is go along to get along. Granted, as I get older I have more opinions about a broader range of topics but given a choice I’ll keep it to myself. Squishy. I can see things both ways.

But…there are a few things. Chocolate, yes. Candy that sticks in your teeth, no. Tacos, yes. Liver, hell no! Ok, that’s easy stuff, but lest I offend you, I’ll hold my tongue on others (in and ode to my true Enneagram 9 self).

The other day I was thinking about the nature behind taking a stand and what has caused me to do so on a few key issues. Key in my life at least. I surprisingly discovered when I’m challenged on my view, I become stronger in my own conviction. I don’t waffle, I don’t change my mind. I get stronger.

The revelation surprised me, and I realized it only in hindsight. Through a recent difficult stretch in life, I was definitely challenged. Or maybe less challenged, more judged, for my perspectives. Which only caused me to feel stronger about my beliefs.

Why does that happen? We can go one of two ways when challenged. Either crumble, acquiesce, or we can take a stand. Stand for what we believe for that belief that it at the essence of who we are. What I experienced in real life was what Brené Brown describes in her book Braving the Wilderness. She writes about what people are most worried about, and in her research found:

“the idea of belonging that was most important, with many yearning to “be part of something–to experience real connection with others–but not at the cost of their authenticity, freedom or power.”

We all desire to belong and human nature often twists that into that tendency to get along for the sake of it. Which only leads to our own dissatisfaction. Brené goes on to say:

“Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”

For one of the first times, and perhaps the most important time, I’ve taken a stand. More than that, I’ve shifted how I show up in life, and what is ok for me and what’s not.

And I found myself in the wilderness.

In the relationship where I was bravely authentic, where I took a stand, the wilderness became my solace. There’s peace in the wilderness when you know that you have stood up for what you believe. Have quietly, but firmly, remained authentic in the face of opposition. Only in that place can you truly understand what it requires to have belonging that comes from your own self-acceptance. Belonging not dependent upon other’s approval.

Taking a stand for what you believe honors your authentic self. It’s tangible evidence to yourself that your opinion, your belief matters. Hold on to that. Risk braving the wilderness. You’re worth it.

 

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Life is not a dress rehearsal

Life that's waitingMy Dad has a saying he’s adopted as I’ve gotten older, “Life is not a dress rehearsal.” He encourages us to live full, engaged lives…to do our best. I remind myself of this reality on a regular basis. But it’s so easy to get tripped up along the way…sometimes I wonder if that’s what I’ve mastered…the misstep.

At an early age we begin asking children what they want to be when they grow up. As parents, we have our own dreams for our children which are most likely merely continuations of our own dreams. To have a son-in-law, daughter-in-law, grandchildren…our dreams, not necessarily our theirs.

The reality is that life rarely works out like we think it will. Ok, never. I’ll be bold and say never.

Life is messy. The so called “path” we travel down looks more like a game of Chutes and Ladders. You move forward, go back, slide down, unexpectedly move up…throw in a few more twists and turns…now you have a picture of what life is truly like.

So, if it’s not a dress rehearsal, what is the “play” we’re in? What if we complicate our outlook by holding on so tightly to the picture of what we thought life would look like that we can’t see the one that’s right in front of us? Or we continue to show up for a version of our life that is no longer working?

So…many…conflicting…thoughts.

We likely know when our lives are off track. If we don’t consciously know it, our bodies will begin to tell us. Stress compounds, aches, pains…for me, it’s my gut that talks to me. I can literally feel the stress “in the pit of my stomach.” You might have headaches, lose sleep, the disconnect makes itself known to our bodies faster than to our conscious minds. Pay attention.

Midlife has been the time when I’ve begun to see the disconnects. Realized that I’ve been stuck in dress rehearsal for too long. Which, on the one hand, keeps me safe…but I’m not fully engaged either. What makes me sad is knowing there are many others who are on the same trajectory.

Showing up for real life instead of a dress rehearsal requires us to let go of the disconnect. The dream that is not the reality of our life. The vision of how we thought life would be. There’s a grieving that comes along with that. Letting go. Grieving whatever the loss is for you, because it’s different for each of us.

When you shift your perspective, see where you’re holding on to a dream that no longer serves you, or that’s changed, you can show up for the life you’re creating today. What you’re letting go wasn’t wasted, it shaped you into who you are today, but you’ve outgrown it. When you show up for your life today, show up fully. Embrace the opportunities, the realities open to you once you let go and begin gazing upon what’s unfolding before your eyes. It’s our journey friends, you’re not alone.

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Strength emerging through storms

Make you strongTears started welling up quickly the other day. It was the end of a long, stressful time in life. Tension and stress that built up over a prolonged period and had not yet found a place to release. Tears had not yet found their way to my eyes, but I knew they were coming, I wasn’t sure when, but I knew it was a matter of time.

Our bodies are adaptable to great levels of stress. I read a book once about using stress for success. Adapting and essentially using stress as a catalyst. Which it can be. Like anger, it can propel us into action. But what is really driving that ship? Most commonly it’s the avoidance of a negative consequence. Or, as with anger, it can be driven from hurt.

I’ve gone down quite a few rabbit holes researching to effects of stress. Yes, it can drive you into action. But while it was formerly an intangible condition, medical experts are now saying that consistent exposure to high levels of stress can lead to a myriad of health conditions. Immune system issues, high blood pressure, weight problems, anxiety, the list is lengthy. So, while you may outwardly adapt, your body is keeping track. It absorbs the stress and the consequences may be unseen but are slowly deteriorating your health.

When the tears started forming, they weren’t over anything catastrophic. They were the outward evidence of the culmination of stress in my body. What did they start over? A Wi-Fi router. Really. A router that stopped working for me unexpectedly. That I needed to watch television, my recent friend and escape. When I discovered it wasn’t working, the tears involuntarily started, and were vastly disproportionate to the situation at hand.

The tears weren’t about the router. Just like when you snap at someone when you’re stressed, or lash out, it’s only a symptom of the underlying stress. We can hold only so much inside before it spills out and it’s usually something little that does it.

When you’re in a period of stress that seemingly ends, one would hope you could instantly return to life as normal. It doesn’t work that way. I was thinking about the unwinding of stress within the body and was reminded of Scuba Divers. When they’ve been in the depths for a long period of time, they cannot return to the surface quickly. A diver who rises to quickly risks decompression sickness, typically known as the bends, which is described as “a condition arising from dissolved gases coming out of solution into bubbles inside the body on depressurization,” (Wikipedia)

The unravelling happens over time, it must. If we push the pace, we heal, but it takes longer and we might get the bends which you only avoid by rising to the surface slowly. As stress slowly fades away, you find that you’re stronger. You’ve allowed the stress to leave your body and healed. You can’t rush that process, it’ll happen on its own with some intentionality. Self-care, some TV binging maybe (just saying…not a long-term solution but it can help!), a period of readjustment. One day, you’ll wake up and feel different, a shift. You’ll realize that you feel whole again, stronger and happier. Love yourself on the journey and love others you meet along the path. Happiness is right around the corner.

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Becoming you

Adult CourageWhen I was young, many of my daydreams surrounded growing up, getting married, having babies… standard dreams, at least that’s what I thought. What I saw happen with my friends was a detour from that path. Many of my friends waited to get married, had no kids, pursued their careers, they made different choices. But not me, I took the path I thought I was supposed to in order to truly “adult.” I got married, had my babies, and at the same time, did the career thing.

That’s what many of us do, we follow the path that someone else has laid out for us. The plans that the collective “they” said we were supposed to go down. The plans that were supposed to lead to lifelong adulting happiness. And sometimes that worked out, at least for a while.

In talking to many other women in the middle of their life, what I notice is that many of us did what society expected of us. Happily. Once the kids were out of the house though, the prescribed route started to feel uncomfortable. Now what?

We entered the stage of life where we have choices. In reality, we had choices all along but were so engrained in the societally defined lifepath that it didn’t even register. But now, we start to experience discontent, or feel out of alignment with our own lives. The thought of making a change is scary.

Continuing the path we’re on is certainly an option. It would provide a smooth slide into retirement. But we want different qualities in our lives now. A fulfillment that we haven’t yet experienced. One that comes from reaching into ourselves and pulling out our unique gifts and talents that may have sat on a shelf for 25 years. That’s where courage enters the picture.

It may be that in order to pull out our unique selves, to bring our gifts to light, we take a shift from the paved road. It’s a different phase of adulting, one that is less defined, honestly, it can be a bit scary. We can continue doing the same thing we’ve always done, comfortable, but if it doesn’t match who we are on the inside anymore, is that how we really want to ride out our lives?

Brené Brown explained that whenever you have change, something ‘dies.’ Whether it’s a way of life, a career… and if you’re wise, you realize that and allow yourself to grieve the loss. Doing so better prepares you for what’s next. You can change into who you truly want to be. It’s not that who you were wasn’t right. It was. For a time. But it’s ok to change. Healthy even. Change to who you are becoming.

Now is the time to explore who you are, what you want in this phase of life. What “adult” do you want to be today and for this phase of your life? Even if you’re not in the middle, you have choices. Not always easy, bumpy at times, but leading to the you that’s waiting inside of you. Becoming is beautiful… I pray you are courageous and pursue you.

 

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Making hard choices

Arizona SandalsI have a love/hate relationship with shoes. On the one hand, love…so much. My go to these days are fashion sneakers and sandals, flats of any nature are my jam. But the Arizona Birkenstock sandal and I, there’s something special there. That shoe, I swear, it courted me. Wooed me. Five years ago I would have said it was the shoe of the hippie, today, not only are they fashionable, but there is more than an outside chance the hippie in the room is me, thank you very much.

Shoes have never been a slam dunk for me. There is a qualifying process I go through because of my prosthetic foot. Heels are out. Granted, I have an alternative foot that looks like a Barbie foot, but I rarely wear it, comfort prevails these days. And because I have no ankle flexion, nor grip in my toes, shoes practically have to be attached to my foot to stay on. Last year though, I entered new territory when I got a foot with a split toe. Yes, just as you imagine, the big toe is separated from the rest. So what you might ask?

Flip flops. No joke. I can now wear flip flops because I have the split toe. A whole new category of shoes available to me which I took full advantage of. I purchased my first Birkenstock’s last year, the split toe sandals, loved them so much I bought two colors! So, this year, when the Arizona started speaking to me, I thought our time had come. I had surprising success with the others, maybe they would work.

They did not.

Within twenty minutes I walked out of them, the toe grip was critical, I learned. And if I’m honest, I saw it coming. I’ve never had luck with the pure “slide” sandals.

But I really wanted them. I bargained with myself that maybe they’d work. I could tighten the straps, walk carefully, take my time. When I finally resigned myself to return them, I was sad, I had to acknowledge that, in fact, the same conditions that had always been there with my foot remained.

As I thought about my short affair with the Arizona sandal, a broader picture opened before me.

I thought about relationships, at work, personally, where I have invested, committed, desiring them to work out while knowing deep in my heart they would not. Yet, I persisted. It happens with a wide variety of choices in our lives. We go down a path believing it’s where we’re supposed to be only to discover something else. But we’re committed.

And we want it to work, to affirm for ourselves that we’ve made the right choice, chosen the right path. We bargain, we change ourselves to fit, we ignore the pain points telling us it’s time to step away and somewhere in that process, we begin to lose ourselves. Become someone different to make the situation work.

It’s incredibly hard to instead realize we’re on the wrong path, in a relationship, or job, or pursuit that isn’t working, and isn’t going to work. It’s not as easy as returning a pair of shoes (which wasn’t easy – I loved those shoes!). It’s an act of courage to be clear about the situation, who you are and what isn’t working. To come to terms with the fact that what may have been right before isn’t anymore.

And, to be clear, the majority of situations, relationships, aren’t going to magically resolve themselves. When it’s time to make a change, you can try bargaining your way out of it, and short term it might work, but not in the long run. When the shoe isn’t fitting right, you need to take action.

If you’re thinking about your own “pair of shoes” that doesn’t fit, what are you going to do about it? What courageous step do you need to take? It can be hard, honestly, it can suck, but if you want to live an authentic, bold life, you can take the step. Have a conversation, realize a path you’re on isn’t working. Find someone you trust and talk it through. At the end of the day, only you know what fits and what doesn’t. And that makes you the person who can make the shift that can change the direction of your life.

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Being Brave Sooner

Be Brave SoonerThe call you never expect, news you can’t believe but which sinks in slowly over time. A couple of weeks ago, I received one of those calls at work. A co-worker and friend had passed away unexpectedly, at what I consider a young age, 62. The pain that rippled through my workplace in the following days was palpable as we shared in fond memories and sadness.

Yesterday we concluded that chapter with a Celebration of Life. As people shared fond memories of a man who lived a full life, I thought about my own. Which, I think, is not an atypical thought process. As we remember others, we ponder how we would be remembered. Who would show up to celebrate our life? It’s not reflection for the sake of a popularity contest, for me, it’s wondering about the positive impact I’ve been able to have on other’s lives.

Not the first time I’ve gone down this path. Reaching midlife also prompts reflection on the impact we’ve had. It’s not as much about my own experiences as those I’ve shared. The people I’ve engaged with throughout my life. How I’ve shown up.

Coming on the heels of being at Dare to Lead™ facilitator training this week, a theme continues to bubble up for me.

Be Brave Sooner

I have a heightened awareness that I’ve lived a safe life. One that minimizes risk of failure. One where there is a built-in back-up plan. I prepare for disappointment which keeps me safe but keeps me small. A couple years ago, I made my word for the year Brave. And I was. I took chances, spoke up, leaned in. But somewhere along the way, I dialed it back. I started playing it safe again.

Normal, I think, to ebb and flow in life, but when being brave started slipping from my grasp, I could see the ripples in the way I showed up in life. The decisions, the way I engaged. Safe. When we’re brave, we have honest conversations, we speak up, we’re vulnerable and courageous.

Perfectly summed up in one of the slides from training.

“You can’t get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability – Embrace the suck”

100% get that. Vulnerability can be hard. It’s part of being brave, but it does suck at times. It’s hard. You can’t phone in being brave, being courageous. It’s a step by step process of being vulnerable. That doesn’t mean doing the verbal vomit with every single person you know. It’s being vulnerable with those you do life with, the people that matter. Stepping into uncertainty and being real instead of the polished façade.

Making brave, courageous choices in the way we engage is what leads to a celebration of life. Playing it safe may feel great in the moment but leaves a small footprint. Wouldn’t you choose to look back on life and know that you were brave, courageous, lived fully and engaged with others? It’s a choice. It takes practice. You can do it. Be Brave Sooner.