Tag: be present

Posted on

Remembering this is the only present we’ll ever have

Barely into Arizona, my mind was already cataloging the endless tasks needing completion once I arrived in Florida. I’d sold most of my furniture, so number one, buy furniture. Or maybe number one was the grocery store…or maybe order coffee. Yes. Order coffee was number one. But what about the unpacking, and the organization, or the closets. Definitely closets, a re-do was in order. Wait…join the gym, I needed to swim if I had any chance at remaining sane through the process. As I rattled off the endless list, my co-pilot, gal-pal, wise sage looked at me and simply said, “this is the only present time we’ll ever have.”

I stopped making my lists.

Work your plan

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

With your one wild and precious life?

Mary Oliver, The Summer Day

I come by my urge to plan honestly. From a young age, planning helped mitigate risk. Understanding what was ahead aided my young mind to anticipate, understand, so that the impact would be lower, and I would be prepared. Suffice it to say those lessons stuck with me. I’m continually twelve steps ahead, my mind operating like a flowchart. Contingencies mapped; possible outcomes predicted.

Suffice it to say, go with the flow and I are not besties.

Planning isn’t the worst thing. You arrive prepared, with a plan of action, knowing the steps ahead to achieve your objective. Planning is necessary in many facets of our life, without it, we’d stumble our way through what could otherwise be a simple task.

And yet, cognitively I know all that planning removes me from being in the moment. When we’re consumed with planning ahead, focusing on the future, how can we possibly be in the now. As the landscape rose before me in the hills of Arizona, I was reminded to focus on what was directly before me. The present.

Looking backwards

With the invention of cell phone cameras in 2002, we gained the ability to capture the moment and review it seconds later. Though I wasn’t an early adopter, the cell phone camera was quickly in my possession and I joined the millions of people viewing the world through the small screen in front of me. But at what cost? Rather than participating in family activities, we photographed them and looked back at the memory that, ironically, we’d missed the first time around.

As the Arizona landscape grew increasingly beautiful, my co-pilot captured the scenery on my phone (because I am a compliant, non-cell phone using driver thank you very much). Several times I glanced in the rear-view mirror at the scenery and she may or may not have reached out the sunroof to capture the panorama.

How many of us have looked back at a situation only to rehash it and deliberate the endless ways we could have executed more effectively? What would have done differently? Where the situation has left us today? While the exercise may be helpful, considering the learning, it doesn’t change the outcome and keeps us in the past. A place we cannot change.

Hey…remember me? The present?

With good reason vacations are relaxing. We’re removed from our day to day lives and can accomplish exactly zero things on our list at home. The mental load of all the things needing to be done is cast aside for those days we’re out of our normal environment. We’re able to remain in the moment.

That moment, this moment, is our present. This one. Right now. And the truth is, while we can plan for it, look backwards and rehash it, or examine it from every angle, it is right now. Why don’t we, or better yet, why don’t I, remain in it? Even now as I write, focused on the words in front of me, my mind is whirling ahead to the list of tasks I hope to accomplish today. Carefully estimating the duration to make the most of every single second.

What does it take to stop?

It’s cliché to say that the present is a present…but it’s true. The gift is being in the now. With people directly in front of you, or the experience of the moment. Is there a place for future planning or past reflection? Of course there is. But that place should not consume the moment you’re in. It has a place.

In this moment, who and what is the priority? Hint…it’s not your to-do list for Monday morning.

I’ll make you a deal, I’ll focus on today if you do it with me. Taking in the moments, breathing in the experience and truly living now. You in? It’s our journey friends, one step, one moment, at a time. Be Brave. Lisa

Posted on

Being present with today

Patience of NatureDoes anyone else enjoy an afternoon hanging out in a sub-zero movie theater when it’s 105 degrees outside in the shade? Literal fry an egg on the pavement weather. I’ll quickly jump on that train as an escape and, hopefully, to be entertained. Which I was last weekend, enjoying The Farewell.

I’ll openly admit subtitles are not my normal jam, but this film transitioned in and out of Chinese, so I had no choice. Easily overlooked given the sweetness and care given to the subject. The film was based in part on the life experiences of the director, Lulu Wang, and depicts a family who, upon learning their beloved grandmother has only months to live, decide not to tell her and instead plan a family gathering before she dies.

Though underlying tensions about the decision not to tell the grandmother existed throughout, the secret was kept. Family members made sacrifices to keep the news secret. Enjoying a celebration filled with laughter, family and friends, you watch what you presume are the grandmother’s final days. Only to learn in the credits of the film (and in full disclosure, spoiler alert), the grandmother had not passed six years later when the film was made.

Leaving the theater, melancholic feelings washed over me. A warm sweetness largely brought about by the portrayal of the care and concern the family had to protect their grandmother. The film lingered with me for other reasons as well, wondering if there was something to the innocent ignorance on behalf of the grandmother and her prolonged health.

I’ve realized I’m at a tipping point in life where health issues are perhaps less “issues” and more a byproduct of entering middle age. My curiosity for all things medical though is so strong that when I sense something is wrong, I want to figure it out. Good or bad, that’s led to more than I bargained for. And while my medical curiosity is fed, I wonder about the benefits of not knowing.

Through much research and study, I understand the influence our minds have on our overall health. If we experience stress, that impacts our bodies, more than I’d like to acknowledge in my case. But our minds…they call a lot of the shots.

I’ve begun to realize that in some instances, perhaps we’re better off to not know what’s going on inside of us (ok…I wonder that but at the same time hope they invent the human version of the diagnostic tool used to figure out why the check engine light is on in your car…so.many.possibilities). What would we do differently if we weren’t waiting for the other shoe to drop? Knowing we have X Y or Z condition that could manifest at any time. Like the grandmother in The Farewell who continued thriving because she wasn’t worried, looking for the manifestation of her illness.

What if instead our minds weren’t distracted with problems and we focused on living? Often, we rush to nail down what’s next. In health, what will be the next symptom or sign we’re watching for (which is not a statement against medical treatment – don’t mistake me – it’s over analyzing each ache and pain that perhaps in a natural byproduct of having lived 50, 60 or more years). In life, a posture of waiting for conditions to be exactly right for happiness, the right weight, a perfect relationship, job success. We put off being in the moment and patiently waiting for what’s next in an urgency to get conditions exactly right.

Could we choose to slow down? To live in a space of not knowing, and being content with that? Not rushing to the conclusion, the answer…and instead sit with the knowledge that you’re doing, being, feeling, exactly what you’re supposed to in this moment. Take a breath and sit with who you are today. Enjoy the sweet simpleness that arises when you’re present with yourself and those around you? I believe it’s worth the effort. Worth putting down the worries that occupy our minds and simply be.

What about you? What do you need to put down and be patient about so that you can be in the moment, enjoying life and those around you? Once you let the burden go, you might miss it for a while, but the abundance that can fill that space is worth the shift. Give it a try, I’m on the journey with you.