Like riding a bike. I thought about that concept yesterday morning as I literally rode my bike for the first time in probably a year. And while that may not seem remarkable to anyone, it is to me. Today when I pulled on the spandex and buckled up my shoes, the routine came back to me, familiar. And as I rolled out for what turned out to be a comparatively short ride, if I reflect back on my prior riding life, I rode my bike, and it felt like play.
Cultivating Play and Rest
Fitting, because the Brené Brown’s Wholehearted Living Guidepost I’m focusing on this month is: Cultivate Play and Rest – Let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
You’d think that after nearly four months of staying at home, sheltering in place for our own protection, I’d have found a way to cultivate play, that I’d feel rejuvenated, refreshed.
I do not.
Busy comes easy
In fact, my mind has remained busier than normal, and I am not alone. Not only are we navigating day to day life, we’re ensuring that we do not contract what may be a deadly virus…or a minor cold…it’s a roll of the dice until we get it. Wear a mask or not? (I’m a mask wearer) Work from home. Be a teacher (my kids and I are thankful we don’t have to figure that one out…we would all suffer). Isolate. Go out…wait…go back into your homes. Layer on the racial injustices in our country and a desire to self-examine and my mind is full.
Ok, so all that plus…I am working on a side project that occupies time outside of work. One I have a great deal of passion around, but which takes focus and mental energy, nonetheless. It’s important to remember that simply having passion for a topic, or a project does not alleviate the mental exertion you put towards it.
Is it truly ok to play?
Sliding into play on the weekend should feel as easy as riding a bike. And while enjoyable, a normal weekend lately feels structured. Between walking with a friend, writing, cleaning, puttering around the house, maybe reading for an hour, working on my side project, and then suddenly it’s 4 p.m. Sunday and I think “I did not relax one bit this weekend.” Part of it, I’ve begrudgingly come to realize, is that when I’m ‘working’ to some degree, I derive worth from the activity. And, I’ve spent enough time in therapy and on my own, reflecting, to know where that comes from. It’s not a healthy thought pattern.
Yet, it’s a hard one to break.
Because, activity is addictive. It’s one of those addictions, like exercise, that isn’t ‘bad’ for you, so it’s hard to see the downside. But when your self-worth is wound tight with your activity, when exhaustion is, in Brené’s words a “status symbol,” it’s unhealthy for you. We question whether we can put it down and play.
It’s like riding a bike. It can be easy. We can roll out and play.
What does play mean to you?
Play is not the same for each of us. To me, maybe it is riding my bike more frequently, or yoga with a friend. It could be painting or creating. Brené writes that play is doing things because they’re fun not because they’ll help achieve a goal, and that’s it’s vital for human development. In that case, I better get it in gear and spend less time doing and more time dreaming and goofing off – although I feel a little cringy at the thought of goofing off. I could get spunky, yes, sassy, absolutely, goofy, I might pass…this may be a hard month.
What about you? What does play mean to you? Perhaps you have a healthy balance between your productivity and play and rest and if so – I applaud you – and hate you a little – ok, not really, just slightly jealous. I won’t even say it’s a balance because in and of itself the concept of balance can lead to unhealthy thinking, another blog another day. For now, let us focus on cultivating rest and play. It’s a journey my friends, one leading us down the road to Wholehearted Living. You are brave and I am with you. Sending you all the love. Lisa
At the time I was having my children, I lived in Yosemite, aka, the woods, for those not familiar. I’d grown up there and through serendipitous situations, was living and working there as an adult. Somehow, I got it in my head that I’d have my kids naturally, without pain killers. Maybe it was that I had friends having their kids at home, sometimes in the bathtub. No pain killers seemed like a good middle ground. By and large, I did it. I had a little something with the first, because, well, he was nine pounds and a little complicated. But number two, nada. In truth, I think my body was well designed for it.