Who are the people who speak into your life? Chances are you have a bushel full. From the produce guy at your chosen grocery store, colleagues, friends who know you better than you know the back of your hand, to your family…those who’ve known you from the beginning. Depending on your relationship with any one of those parties, you may or may not share your dreams and ask them for advice or counsel.
Would you ask the produce guy where to enroll your kids in school? Nope. And it’s unlikely you’d ask your brother the best variety of squash…unless your brother is your produce guy (in which case happy you). But with those you trust, you may seek counsel, and share your thoughts and dreams.
Where dreams sometimes go to die
You may but you don’t have to. Take a seat. Your people, bless them, they love you but they also want to protect you. Their advice comes from that lens. Caution shadows their thoughts, especially if you’re about to step onto a wild ride. You might be sharing and get in return, advice…in the form of whoa, whoa, whoa…
And that may be entirely valid. Honestly, it might.
Upon sharing with a family member a dream I was living out, starting a leadership coaching/consulting business, I received the response “I would never hire a consultant.” Knife in the gut. And while I knew it came from a place of caring and protection, internally I had an ugly cry. Well…internally and perhaps spilling onto my face. I’m not crying you’re crying.
Hey, this is your dream, speak up for me
In the mere span of five seconds, my excitement and fervor over the dream I’d hatched like a seedling, growing it like my son nurtures his plant cuttings, was caught up in a rototiller. Ground up and spit out. Ouch. The care and concern of this person had no clue the love, heart, and soul I’d put in to growing this idea. How difficult it was for me to share it with another person. And while in those moments you intellectually know that, it hurts no less.
Personally, I wuss out at what should be the next step, which is to share how the comment made me feel. Oh Enneagram 9, how you’ve shaped me (maybe better said…how I’ve been shaped and become a nine and only want to keep the peace). I don’t want to rock the boat, so I blather something forgettable. Those are the moments when we need to speak up.
Because this…
You were not forced to share your dream
If, and that should be a big IF, we choose to share our dreams, we might want to provide narrative around the thought process. Particularly when you’re sharing with someone close to you, their response should not surprise you. You can hope it’ll be different, and maybe it will, but taking that to the bank is a wasted trip. I shared a similar dream with another person a couple years back (yes…the dream has been simmering) and their response, driven from their own fear, was to remind me of the excitement I felt when I landed the job I’m in (the one I’m phasing out of). That was…not helpful. But predictable.
At the end of the day…
Your dreams and decisions are not for everyone’s critique, nor do they need to be privy to the inner workings of your mind. It’s your choice. Remember, their opinion about your decisions and dreams are just that. They’re not the ones living out your life…you are.
And if you (I) want to be a consultant, be the best one out there (aka the Big Plan). I mean it. Pursue it with all your heart because this life we’re navigating through, it’s the only one we have. And we can cruise along like a lazy river, but how fulfilling is that? Zero percent fulfilling. Your dreams are where your heart finds joy. It’s your job, our job, to bring them to life. We’re in this together my friends. Be brave. Lisa