Wholehearted living has been my focus for living in 2020. And I’ve noticed it’s one of those attributes you don’t necessarily notice, until you do. And over the past few weeks, I have to say that I’ve noticed. Primarily with respect to a desire to show up authentically in each and every situation. Lest you believe I was faking it before this year, let me explain. The daily situations in which we find ourselves require a certain…evaluation. For example, you don’t show up to the office as your Saturday night self. You compare the two and determine exactly what impression Saturday self will leave in the strategic planning meeting you have at 9 a.m. Saturday self stays in bed and Monday morning self heads to work.
June has been focused on choosing creativity over comparison. I’m 1000% on board from the perspective on my creative life. And comparing any success I have to someone else’s? Fool’s errand.. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. They will be lying, straight up lying. Our lives our uniquely ours and lived out best when we don’t compare to others.
A different way to look at comparison
But…the last few days I’ve been pondering that. Because I’ve noticed that when I am in situations where my perception – whether it’s stated or not – is that to fit in, to belong certain behavior is expected, I have a lower and lower tolerance. The tendency is to blame that on the other people. “They” – the infamous they – shouldn’t expect that you will conform. You should be accepted as you are. Ok, well, maybe.
At the same time, groups of people form their normative behaviors that essentially govern the group. When an individual in the group changes, the group tries to ‘bring the back.’ Attempts to cajole their behavior back to what had been ‘acceptable,’ and garnered belonging. If that doesn’t work, they’ll resort to shame, or ridicule and may even expel the person if the behavioral change is dramatic. It’s a process known as tribal shaming. And if you find yourself in that experience, run, don’t walk.
When comparison leads to change
As I’ve pondered, compared my evolving confidence in my wholehearted authentic self, I find myself feeling like a fish out of water in certain situations where the behavioral norm is strong. And I’ve ‘compared,’ that norm, it’s the one example which I believe is not off limits. Because as your authentic self comes through – and it’s always there, it may simply take a while to feel comfortable emerging – to engage in any other way pushes you outside your values.
The comparison led to a realization that I’m engaged in a few situations where the norm is inconsistent with my authentic self. And I am of the belief that the decisions we make in our lives should be weighed against our true self, considered in terms of will it keep us within our values or push us outside of our values. Authenticity is one of my values, along with integrity, equality, inclusion, family, love.
Creativity and living your wholehearted life
Enter creativity. You can’t always walk away from every situation where you realize your wholehearted self has changed as you’ve shown up for yourself. That’s simply a fact. But you can influence, you can use your voice, impact your sphere with your authentic self. Your creative, unique, individual self.
Wholehearted living is not for wimps, and it’s not a cat poster. It’s not as simple as “Hang in there.” It’s digging in and doing the work. It’s hard and it hurts. But…it is worth it. This is your one and precious, beautiful life. I’m on the journey with you, lovlies. Be brave. Lisa