Being a Brené Brown groupie, I read, listen and peruse all the things she releases to the world. On her new Spotify podcast, Dare to Lead, the conversations with business leaders are rich and full of nuggets. This week’s conversation with Guy Raz was no exception. Guy hosts the popular show, How I Built This, on NPR, amongst other accomplishments. Much of the conversation centered around the qualities of an accomplished leader, a central tenant of which was empathy. Given that Brené herself preaches at length about the power of empathy, my ears perked up to hear what was coming. In a nutshell, empathy is essential to daring leadership.
The idea kept rolling around in my head
As is typically the case, once an idea grabs me, I roll it around like playdough in my head and, just like playdough, as it travels, it picks up bits and pieces of interactions I’ve had throughout the week. One of which was with one of my best friends. We have an ongoing, what I’d call argument and she would probably say a mild conversation, around diversity.
In truth, at the core of it, we agree, but our approach varies. She desires to treat each person as an individual, without race or sex, for example, being the central issue. If people would engage from that standpoint, they’d learn about the person, their experiences, or hardships. In premise, I don’t disagree, in fact as I write this, I wonder why we have arguments. But after a conversation the other day, I sent a text, because I think better in writing.
I think what I was getting to in my long narrative is that we each have unique experiences and I want to make sure that I recognize the unique experience someone else may have because of their color, or because what they believe, or their sexual orientation…I want to understand their experience and understand that mine may be different and not make assumptions that they would have gone down the same path as me because they are different. Not that they couldn’t have gone down that path, but to not assume they’ve experienced life as I have.
(Miraculously, Siri translated that text accurately. Soooo, the run on sentences are on her.)
When I listened to Brené and Guy, my brain clicked, I want to engage with empathy.
Empathy as a way of life
Honestly, my friend has oodles of empathy, I experience it with her all the time. What I’ve learned about myself though is that I’m an Empath. I can’t turn it off. I feel emotions in my body, like physical blows. Those of myself and others. It’s one of the reasons conflict is difficult for me. But this year, I’ve felt a heightened sense of connection to others, even amid a global pandemic. Connected to their emotions, which I also feel. So, when it comes to social justice issue, its empathy compelling me to stand in the gap, to stand alongside people, because I desire to understand their experience and sit in the feelings with them. And they may be hard feelings, but important.
And as the playdough of my mind continued to roll around, I extrapolated the comments about empathy in leadership to empathy as a way of living with other humans. What if we were curious about each other’s experience and strove to come alongside instead of peer over the edge at someone’s suffering? Brené’s The Power of Empathy short demonstrates empathy vs. sympathy. I’d encourage you to check it out. I wonder, what if empathy is essential to a daring life?
Lead with empathy
No better way exists to determine if empathy is essential to a daring life than to live it. And I intend to. But… like you, I’m a human person and experience other feelings that occasionally cloud my view, making empathy take a back seat. If it does, we can come back to it. You see how I did that?? I’m suggesting that we endeavor to exercise empathy throughout our daring lives. I’m convinced it’ll lead to richer, deeper and more engaged relationships, which we all crave. I know we can do it my friends. We’re brave. Sending love. Lisa