Within our lives exist deeply personal journeys that can only be taken one step at a time. There are no shortcuts, no āCollect $200 and advance to GO.ā Slowly, painfully at times, Iāve worn holes in my shoes pacing and scuffing the floor as a distraction, a hesitation. At the same time, this particular one has brought me to a place of peace within myself. Wrestling with how I walk out my faith.
And while Iām not entirely āthereā yet, considerable ground has been traversed. And the not knowing yet is a component of the peace. Focusing each month on one of BrenĆ© Brownās Guideposts for Wholehearted Living has resulted in a journey of its own thus far. But this monthās is timely, āLetting go of the need for certainty and Embracing intuition and trusting faith.ā Buckle up.
Raise your hand if you were raised āin church.ā Me too. Each Sunday weād make our way to the little chapel in Yosemite Valley ā picturesque really ā to sit for an hour on hard, wooden benches and listen to our conservative pastor share the Word. I was even baptized in the Merced River that meandered through the meadow across the street.
Looking back, church was the event. Being a Christian was simply who we were in my family. Like many, once I was out of the house, regular church attendance became a sporadic event. That was, until my kids were on the scene and a nagging moral obligation to return to the chapel poked at me long enough that I listened.
Certainty enters the picture
Fast forward to early midlife when I was āall inā at church again. Attending a hip, cool one that met in a movie theater, I drank it in, meeting supportive, loving people. Over the years, I recall hearing about something called Apologetics, which sounded boring to my non-analytical brain. Hereās how the internet defines it: reasoned arguments or writings in justification of something, typically a theory or religious doctrine. In my words, itās a way to āproveā your beliefs about God, Jesus and the Bible. Apologetics is rooted in certainty.
Which is why I never grabbed on to it. My faith was never about certainty. It was about trusting the knowing in my heart, still is. Never did I feel compelled to argue for it. Some would say thatās part of my Christian ājob.ā Ok. That doesnāt change anything for me. Still not going for it. When you let go of certainty, you open space to wonder. A space to ask questions, to listen to what the whisper of your heart is telling you.
Letting go of certainty
And I have a LOT of questions and wonder. Maybe you do to. Or notā¦and if thatās the caseā¦cool for you. Throughout the month, thoughts which brew in my mind Iāll be throwing out for consideration, but not all at once. Letting go of certainty may be a journey youāre also on. Perhaps itās about your faith, or maybe about an aspect of your life you held as true but now you wrestle with it. In case no one else has told you, youāre allowed. You can have questions, you can challenge popularly held beliefs, you can wonder. The world will not end.
Trusting your intuition
Because whatever you believe, about faith or something else, itās honestly no one elseās business. What is your intuition telling you? The rumblings of your heart? Those nudges that push you towards asking questions, thatās your intuition, itās the still small voice. And if youāre scared? It could be a sign that youāre on to something big. Something within you than needs to be explored. Go there. Know though that your exploration may not be popular. And still, itās ok. As we explore this subject and weāll also talk about the cost. But not today. Today, simply wonder and trust your intuition. Iām on the journey with you. Be Brave.