Category: Be Brave

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Layers of our heart

layersWith a bit of reluctance, I’ve begun seeing a chiropractor. I’ve been in the past to others, with degrees of success, but I sought this person out at the suggestion of a co-worker because of their methods. The doctor looks at my spinal and nerve structure from a few different perspectives, including the bone alignment, nerve impingement and muscle structure. Turns out, I’m a bit of a hot mess on the inside, and we’re on a correction plan which should lead to better overall health.

Here’s the thing about going through this type of treatment, areas where I’d experienced pain in the past are resurfacing. I thought I’d healed the pain in my hip, for example, and then, wham! it’s back. The doctor explained our body finds ways to compensate misalignment and cover it up. Those areas come back as we do the work to heal. I think about the earth’s surface. Archeologists could explain what we’d find as we dig down through the layers dirt and rock. We’d resurface all types of history as well as damage.

In a way, our emotional lives are a parallel to my body healing, and the earth’s surface. Throughout our lives, we experience joy and heartache to varying degrees. While we work to move past and through those situations, the degree to which they are healed is a different ballgame. And, not unlike the earth’s surface, when you dig in, you might accidentally come upon a landmine.

I’ve found that in my own life. Over time, I’ve experienced those joys, and heartaches, and those were generally not in isolation. Other people were often involved. And each of us heals or moves past emotional situations at our own pace, in our own way. Where we step on the landmine is to make assumptions that other people are having the same experience that we are, healing and moving past at the same rate.

I make those mistakes. For as much as I strive to keep my expectations on lock down, I develop ideas about how situations will flow. That’s when the landmines come up. Usually it’s because I’ve been operating in isolation and might believe I’m taking someone else’s feelings into consideration, or have expectations about how they’ll respond, but I’m not asking questions. I’m only looking from my perspective. Writing my own story.

Those lessons can be painful. Which, I am not a fan of. Not in the slightest. The interesting thing is that the pain reveals the area where more work is needed. But wouldn’t we all want to find another way? I’ve been pondering that this week and I believe there is.

Wait for it…

Vulnerable communication. Honestly, I think it’s that simple. Get to know and understand the layers of the people you’re closest to. The ones who share the ripples of joy and heartache with you. Ask about their experience, listen, show empathy. Be in the space with them and ask that they do they same for you. In all honestly, I’m talking maybe 1-2 people. The ones who’ve witnessed the intimacies of life with you.

Each one of us has a desire to be seen, and if we really want to be seen, we must be bold enough to show our layers. At least to those who have earned the right to be there. Start where you’re comfortable but start. Been seen for all the beautiful layers that you’re made of.

 

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A time for self-compassion

img_0106I got stuck. Honestly, the mid-winter cold firmly grabbed hold of me and wrestled me to the ground. More than once. Just when I thought I was getting better, I got cocky, went swimming and got smacked back down by the cold. I’d like to think I’m paying my debt to illness and will not be plagued for the rest of the year, but for now, I am not amused. What I did not expect is that it would propel me into limbo land.

That’s where being stuck comes in. Let me lay it out for you. I went into the Christmas holiday, marveling that I was taking 12, yes 12, days off work while only having to use 4 days of vacation. Between holidays and weekends it was like hitting the Powerball. I had plans, baby, lots of plans. I was going to map out my book writing strategy for 2019, spend time actually writing, plan out some blogs, pictures, go on an adventure, so…many…ideas.

None of that happened. In fact, my brain felt like it was on permanent vacation. Not one creative idea came to mind. I make cards for my husband and when I went to paint one during the illness, I drew lines folks. Lines on a page. In a circle, but lines nonetheless. No color. No paint. Just lines. I’ll call it art because I saw something similar on Pinterest. That makes it real, I assure you.

I started to get a little panicky. Had the words left my brain? Would they every come back? Was I destined to abandon the work I’d done. There was a lot of drama going on in my mind.

But a small voice inside of my head started speaking up. Uh…Lisa, you’ve been here before. You are not an invincible force. Although you think your superpower is being able to push through illness as though it never happened, that’s a lie. Every time you get sick, you pull out your cape, but to what end? You are a human, you get sick, sickness takes recovery time and it’s perfectly normal to not have the wherewithal to take a shower, much less write your book.

Why do I need that reminder? Oh, right, the recovering perfectionist in me. The façade part of me that tell me I need to soldier through every situation without as much as a visible sniffle. That’s living for someone else’s expectation, the idea that if I’m actually sick and down for a couple days I’m “less than,” weak, that I should be able to power through. But that’s not true, that’s perfectionist thinking.

Bold living tells me to have the courage to be honest with people, including myself. To remind myself that I’m human and need rest, that I get sick sometimes, and that although I feel puny and think all words have left my mind, they will return. It’s self-compassion. Giving myself the same grace I would give someone else in the same situation.

What causes you to spiral? To go down the wormhole and start beating yourself up? What I want you to know, to believe, is that you’re a human like the rest of us, and giving yourself self-compassion in those moments, the ones where you’d rather curl up in a ball and binge watch TV, is not only appropriate, it’s strong. It’s a time of rest and renewal.  Its being brave, and bold. That’s the path we’re on friends…arm in arm.

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Moving forward…BOLDly

Lisa ClarksburgOver the past year, I’ve been knee deep in one self-development book or another. The whole year. I’ve read about writing, the Enneagram, becoming courageous…there’s been Brene Brown, embracing my messy life, starting my day, a few different diet books, throw in a few books related to my faith and there you have it. A whole lot of learning. My desire to read ramped back up this year after a several year siesta, and I was delighted to be along for the ride.

Yet…my brain is tired. I think nearly every single book I read taught me something, stretched me, afforded me an opportunity to look at what was in front of me from a different angle. All good, honestly. But over the last week, I haven’t wanted to crack open the ones I have in progress. Instead, reading Becoming, Michelle Obama’s autobiography. A lovely diversion.

What I’ve realized is that I’ve been in preparation mode. Learning, shifting, stretching my thought process, expanding. All of which are important, and helpful for personal growth. It’s part of the change cycle. Upward growth followed by a leveling out. That’s where I am, leveled out, ready to put it into action (which of course will lead to additional growth). I’ve been making micro-shifts along the way, but now I feel a stirring inside me to do more.

The growth, the leveling factors into the word I’ve chosen for the new year. Interestingly, I didn’t work at finding this word, I feel like it found me. As I rolled into the later part of the year, I felt it bubbling up. A whisper in my mind. The thought that I have important ideas to share, contributions to make and I’ve spent a great deal of time avoiding using my voice, but now it’s time.

BOLD. It’s the word that will be a compass for me in the coming year. Challenging me. Pushing to find opportunities to use my voice without fear. I believe the time is now because I’ve done the work to figure out what my voice is. What is true to me. Over this last year, I’ve been exposed to situations where others are using their voice in different ways. At times, for productive conversations, and in other moments, speaking from a place that felt like anger. I’ve found that when others speak of causes or situations from a place of outrage, I connect less than when the conversation is approached from the perspective of finding a path forward. Yet, I know that some people might connect differently.

My BOLD represents my authentic self. The brave me who stays true to who I am. Who does not compromise myself in order to fit in. Who writes and speaks BOLDLY for the purpose of growth, and learning, and understanding. I don’t have the map of what that will look like, a little, ok, a lot, scary. I’m up for it. I don’t need all the answers to get going. That’s part of being BOLD.

Now it’s your turn. What word has been rolling around in your mind, in your heart? What will be your guidepost for the coming year? Play with it, let it live within you, and when it’s ready, the word will become clear, because it’s been there the entire time.

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Be brave in the moment

Marie CurieI recently spoke at a one-day summit sponsored by the Willow Creek Association addressing #metoo & the church. The topics of the summit ranged from abuse and the church’s response to creating a path forward for men and women to thrive working and doing life together. I spoke on preventing sexual harassment in the workplace, which, compared to some of the other topics, felt light and breezy. The summit was recorded for distribution to churches and non-profit sites throughout the U.S. and Internationally. We’ve seen that the church is not immune from congregants and staff who can say #metoo, the topics addressed were critical for understanding and moving forward.

Prior to the event, there was a speaker’s dinner. A chance to get to know the people I’d be sharing the stage with and talk through a few logistics. Pastors, a psychologist, justice advocates, actresses …basically, amazing, intelligent, well-versed people. People who are fighting for the rights of women and children. As I sat among them, a not un-familiar feeling crept up on me. What…am…I…doing…here??? Seriously. My evenings are spent binge watching Parks and Recreation and going to bed by 8:30. I said as much to my boss/friend who was on the trip with me for moral support. We laughed and laughed.

Let me name it. I was experiencing a strong case of Imposter Syndrome. It’s a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite evidence to the contrary. In that moment, I was thankful I’ve been “doing my work,” understanding my emotions and reactions and where they are coming from. The girl inside of me who feels uncertain that I have anything worth saying was front and center in that moment. The one who wonders if she’s getting it right, who looks to others to be the authority rather than herself. The one who feels small. That girl.

Nonetheless, I pressed forward the day of the event with as much confidence as I had within me. Knowing that I had God on my side, my inner guide. Afterwards, I marveled at what everyone else had shared, and downplayed my own piece. Because, that girl inside me also wrestles with foreboding joy. It’s a self-protecting move where, when something joyful happens, I start planning on being hurt, or disappointed, or have it not turn out as expected. (Brene Brown – Dare to Lead) I plan ahead, with an underlying fear of disappointment. I recognize that I’ve done it throughout my life. Waiting. Knowing that plans could change, joyful moments could be dashed, yanked away. And as a strategy to survive I started anticipating the joyful moment not being followed through. I can trace it back and know where it comes from, but the feeling is real today, despite evidence to the contrary.

The interesting thing about my internal wrestle, both with feeling I was out of my league and foreboding joy, was that I knew I was in the ring fighting it out. I was witnessing my own emotions and feelings and was able to call them out. While I might not have fully believed it, I told myself that I was there because I had something to say. That after nearly 30 years in my field, I know a thing or two, and my voice has value. I also directed myself to lean into the experience and enjoy it. The joy of connecting with tremendous people, the hope of sharing my voice in the future.

Being able to name what I was feeling was powerful. It didn’t make it go away, but it allowed me to confront it head on, to know the name of what I was wrestling with. I didn’t let the emotions take me down. I leaned it, trusted God, and spoke. Granted, my topic wasn’t earth shattering, but needed. And if it has impact on a few people, I’ve done my job.

What feelings do you need to call by name?  Maybe wrestle with? They’re different for each of us but when you can lean in, fight it out with yourself, you will come out stronger on the other side. Be brave friends, I’m on the same journey you are.

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Courage: Round Two

IMG_6657I wrote about courage a couple weeks ago, but the thoughts are continuing to roll around in my head. I blame that on Brene Brown.

It’s no secret that I thoroughly enjoy Brene Brown’s teachings, there’s something about her that I get, it clicks. It’s as though they are written to describe my exact challenge, or circumstance. One of the themes she weaves throughout her teachings is the idea of courage , and does it in a way that I love.

She talks about courage not in the traditional sense, but with an eye on owning the responsibility for your life. Asking for what you need, speaking your truth, owning your story, setting boundaries, and reaching out for support. Well…that’ll be no problem…said no one, ever. Seriously, perhaps some of the hardest challenges we face are those that force us to be vulnerable. Of course, Brene is all about vulnerability, so it’s no surprise.

Let’s get our courage mindset going and think about this for a minute. First, speaking your truth. I am honest as the day is long, but at the same time to speak my truth is challenge. It’s being willing to speak to what is truer than true for you. And whatever that is, might not be the most popular, or it might be counter-culture to your group of friends, or your family. They may not agree, or like it. May try to dissuade you. But courage is standing in your truth no matter what anyone else thinks. It’s your truth.

You’re courageous when you own your story. This is the story that resides in your head, that you’re constantly telling yourself to make sense of the world around you. It’s you, filling in the blanks when you don’t have information and what you fill in may or may not be accurate. We have to own that, say it out loud, question it for ourselves to find the actual truth. Owning our story is knowing that we have the ability to control our narrative and at times we have to question what we’re saying.

Ahhh boundaries. Boundaries are healthy, they encourage open honest conversation, and provide you navigation within your relationships and an anchor. Here’s an easy one. I am not a fan of violence and conflict, which is an understatement. I have an internal reaction to it, in my gut, both when it’s happening around me, or on screen. I try to not be avoidant of but to stay within my boundaries would be declining to see a movie that is violence based. It’s taking a break in a conflict situation so that I can return later and have a constructive conversation. Boundaries are knowing what situations and behaviors I will navigate and which are deal breakers, and they’re a tool to talk about it.  When I don’t maintain healthy boundaries, I also feel it in my body. An uncomfortable sensation where I know I’m out of balance with myself. Think about how you feel, what comes up for you, when your boundaries are encroached upon.

Finally, Brene talks about asking for help. My first response is…do I have to? It’s a hard one for me. It’s not because I don’t think people can help me, it’s because I don’t want to be a burden. I worry about inconveniencing others. I want to fly under the radar. But, I do need help. Often. And when I ask, people are more than happy to help me, but it’s having the courage to ask in the first place. When we can have the courage, be brave enough to ask for help, it allows us to stay balanced and not overextend ourselves when it’s not necessary. We’re designed for connection with others and allowing them to help us is part of that dynamic.

Courage is an element of relationship, both with us and with others. As you’ve read through Brene Brown’s elements of courage, was there one that hit you a little harder? That caused you to think twice, pause to reflect? Pay attention to those feelings. We can practice being courageous every day, it might look a little different for you and me, but it’s courage nonetheless. We can support each other through encouragement when we see someone else being courageous, because that’s part of the journey. Being authentic and courageous, and applauding it in others.

 

 

 

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Everyday Courage

Courage - Mark TwainWhen I think about courage, I’m reminded of the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz.  In the years after the movie debuted, there was discussion that the Lion, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man were each a sliver of Dorothy that she needed to discover. The lion was “granted courage” but he had it inside of him the entire time.

And so do I. So do you. The trouble is that we forget. Or, we tell ourselves that we don’t have courage. We see it as rarely attainable. We compare ourselves to other people, and whenever we start comparing, it’s a downward spiral. If you look up courage, here’s what you’ll find: courage is mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty. When was the last time you persevered? Faced fear? That’s courage.

Reflection on the times we’ve had courage isn’t something we routinely do, at least not something I do. For me, reflection is a walk down the trail of tears. The ways that I’ve failed, disappointed, fallen short. My ability to go down that path is remarkable, and my tendency is to hold myself responsible for all the ills in my life.

What I do not do is look back and acknowledge the ways that I’ve been courageous. That I’ve persevered.  Acknowledging what’s been accomplished in spite of challenges. In fact, I feel slightly paralyzed whenever I’m asked about those times. I tend to minimize them in my mind. I brush past other people’s comments about them.

Courage doesn’t have to be an action that is heroic. We get confused about that sometimes. The “use it in a sentence,” part of our brain thinks that courage is not attained by the ordinary person. But I’d disagree. Courage is an individual act, but while it does impact us individual, impact our hearts, it also impacts other people.

Courage is having a hard conversation with someone you love.

Courage is admitting when you were wrong.

Courage is continuing to show up every day when you have chronic pain.

Courage is reaching out to a friend who has hurt you…or whom you’ve hurt.

Courage is continuing to try and have a baby after suffering loss.

Courage is coming along side a friend in need and simply sitting, listening, loving.

I believe courage is within each of us. Appreciating yourself in and of itself could be an act of courage. You might be conditioned, like I’ve done to myself, to brush past it. But you work your butt off every single day to show up well. To do a good job, to engage well in your relationships, to accomplish your goals. You’ve persevered through tough times, that’s courage. You’ve had hard conversations, that’s courage. You show up, day after day, and keep going even when you’d rather curl up in bed, that’s courage.

What can you do today to remember that you’re not the Cowardly Lion? That you have courage within you, even if you’ve forgotten about it, it’s there. It’s been with you throughout life. Today, think about those times and use it as a source of strength. You are strong, you are courageous, you are brave.

 

 

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On Becoming Resilient

IMG_6517There’s a famous scene in the movie “Moonstruck,” with Cher and Nicholas Cage where Cage’s character, Ronny, tells Loretta (Cher) that he loves her. She responds with a couple slaps across the face and says, “snap out of it!” Cher won an Oscar for that role and the scene became iconic.

Wouldn’t it be great if, in the midst of struggle, we actually could simply “snap out of it?” But too often, life doesn’t work that way. I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit and it seems to me that one component of this equation is the degree to which we are resilient. We may want to say we’re resilient but is that what we’re practicing? While I’d like to think that resilience comes naturally, I don’t know that it does for all of us.

Start with the idea that we’re all wired differently. We have our normal way of being, a set point, to start with. If you think about it on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being low and 10 being the Everything is AWESOME song from the Lego movie, each of us has a point which is “normal” for us. I might be a 6, you might be a 9, the guy sitting next to you might be a 3. No right, no wrong, normal for each of us. That point is the way you look at life, your approach. It’s the half full half empty idea.

At some point in our lives, we will face disappointment, or setback, and it’s in those moments that our resilience is tested. In context of our “set point,” we think about how far you’re knocked off course when difficulties in life arise. Do you go from an 8 to a 1 or from an 8 to a 5? Again, no right or wrong, just our natural wiring. The more we’re knocked off course, the greater effort it is to “snap out of it,” and get back to your status quo.

Resilience is something we can build, it’s a skill. It’s the ability to tackle adversity and have the strength to move through problems instead of parking on them. You can change the length of time it takes to rebound after a challenge, return to your set point. But when you’re in the middle of the tornado is not the time to focus on improving your resiliency. The time is when you’re not feeling like Dorothy, lost in Oz.

I consider myself a resilient person. I had challenges as a child and learned to adapt, maybe partially as a survival skill, but adapted nonetheless. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that when I’m under stress in general, I am less resilient. When I’m balancing 5 plates on each arm, back to my days waiting tables, all it takes is a small blip to throw me off course. But that’s not always the case. When life is humming along, challenges slide off like water on a duck.

In order to increase resilience, we need practice, and I’d hazard a guess that life is constantly giving us situations to practice. The time to try on resilience is not in the middle of a tornado, it’s in the everyday situations that come up in life. The small hurdles. Start by overcoming the small things…changed plans…a difficult conversation…a disappointment…before tackling the big stuff. Reframe. If you believe a situation is apocalyptic – you’ll approach it like that and your mental game might start swimming. It’s only a change, just a conversation, it’s not cataclysmic. You can mediate, practice mindfulness, be compassionate with yourself.

When we practice resilience, you won’t necessarily “snap out of it,” but you can minimize the degree to which you’re thrown off course. Increase the speed at which you’re back on track. Swirling in a negative perception of your life doesn’t move you towards the life that’s available for you to live, if you choose it. Honestly, I have to make these choices every day, and it’s not always easy. But worth it. Being brave is always worth it because let our authentic self shine in those moments. Be brave friends, be kind to yourself, and keep going.

 

 

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Steps Forward

Path ChoicesThink about a situation where you’ve felt as though you needed to take a step off the path you were on. Where you knew that you knew you were supposed to be walking down another path. Or, maybe it was that you felt called to do something in addition to what was currently in your life.

I’ve been there.

For the last couple years, I’ve been in that swirl. I’d make newborn (not even baby) steps in the direction I wanted to go and then, whoa, whoa, whoa, that seems scary, that seems uncertain. Stop. Because the truth of what I knew I wanted to do, what I believe God is calling me to do, was still out there, I continued to feel unsettled. Too scared to move forward, but discontent with my current circumstance.

Sound familiar? The unknown can evoke a great deal of fear. Where does that fear come from? We make it up. We create a story in our minds, maybe based on past experiences, or what we’ve seen happen around us, but it’s completely contrived by us. We have limiting beliefs – maybe from situations in the past, or from what we’ve been told by others – that hold us back. It’s hard to press against those with the reminder that they may not be future predictors. We let our limiting beliefs call the shots. When we do, we get what we always got. We do what we’ve always done. A white picketed safe version of life.

Or, we can get curious. In my couple years of taking tiny steps, they’ve started to add up to actual steps. I’ve gotten curious about my own beliefs, the limitations I place on myself, the fears I wrestle with. Getting curious about the, dare I speak it, control I have to let go of in order to live my authentic life. To lean into my desires and passions, the calling God has placed on my heart. And I’ve started noticing a few things.

Opportunities have begun to show up. From the most unexpected sources. That are aligned with my values and direction I’m heading.  And I feel like I’m not working hard for it. In reality I have worked hard for it, via my life’s experiences and the work I’ve done thus far.

One opportunity might lead to another, and another. Perhaps down a straight path, but knowing me, probably not, I have an affinity for crooked paths. I’ve realized that taking tiny steps, but taking them consistently, can add up to the change you want. It might take longer than you’d like, but you’ll get there, and the closer you get, the bigger steps you might be willing to take. I am. I’m intentionally putting myself in situations that make me uncomfortable. Ones where I know I’m on the right path but it pushes up against my edges. That’s ok.

I don’t know what kind of path you’re on, the journey you’re taking, but stay curious. Continue to wonder what today has to do with that thing you did yesterday, with the thing you’re going to do tomorrow. Live into your authenticity, your strength. I know you can take the brave steps, at your own pace. Keep taking them. That dream your working towards, it’s waiting.

 

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Thoughts on being content

peace with contentmentContentment is a topic that comes up frequently in conversations around me. To be content with what we have. It’s one of the themes found throughout the Bible. Being satisfied with what we have, who we are, and where we’re going. “…I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation…through him who gives me strength” Phil 4:12-13  In my own estimation, being content is a sister to mindfulness which is a state of active, open attention on the present.

Over the last couple years, I’ve spent a great deal of time learning about and practicing mindfulness. At the same time, I’ve been diving into learning about human behavior. I’ve become a student of Brene Brown, learned behavior tools – DISC and the Enneagram (and dabbled with others) – become a coach, listen to a wide range of podcasts that probe this topic, and read, read, read. Honestly, much of what I’m learning, I can apply to my own life, and do.

And I love it. Love learning new concepts about human behavior, how to apply it in my relationships and in my own life. Yet, I wonder sometimes if I’m not being content.

My immediate response would be that I’m content, but that I’m growing, and that’s normal. I went to the dictionary to break down contentment and here’s what I found: defined it’s: a state of happiness and satisfaction. A mental or emotional state or satisfaction maybe drawn from being at ease in one’s situation, body and mind. To be free from care because of satisfaction with is already one’s own. That seems to simple. I am content with my surroundings, generally, with some of the aspects of my life, but believe that I’m “not there yet.” Life is not perfect, I am most certainly not perfect (and never will be), and I am continuing to evolve.

I suspect part of my challenge with the idea of contentment is that it feels like complacency. I’ve gone back to the dictionary to ensure I was understanding that term accurately. Complacency: self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies. Satisfaction with yourself. A feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like. Complacency feels like sticking my head in the sand.

It’s the tension between contentment and complacency that plays out in my mind. How to balance the two so that I’m not constantly seeking, but am content, while at the same time not being complacent. That said, I know that if you look hard enough, or maybe not even that hard at all, you will find areas of your life where you can improve. But I think there’s a different between circling that drain and honestly looking for areas where you want life to be different. Where you want to engage with life, in relationships, differently.

When I ask myself if I am content, I would say yes. Certainly, yes with belongings, with my general circumstances. But I’m still a work in progress, aren’t we all? There are passions I’m still pursuing, ways that I want to engage with life that I continue to work on. It doesn’t come from a place of dissatisfaction, but rather a place of curiosity. My authentic self is coming out slowly, but it takes curiosity to see the places someone else’s definition of how my life should be is what guided me.

Back to contentment. Yes, I’m content. Yes, I’m curious. There is room for both. What there is not room for is complacency. Life’s changing too quickly for that. Authenticity requires the curiosity. Peace comes from contentment.  I hope you find both in your life today my brave friends.

 

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Prioritize what you value

prioritizeIf you’ve read my blog, you’ve probably picked up that responsibility may as well be my middle name. When I take on a project, I stay all in, even if it begins to crush me. As a young mother, one year I decided that I would make the kid’s Valentine’s Day cards. Homemade cards seemed cool and these were 3D, sort of, and exceptionally unique. I have two sons, and each had 20 kids in their class. They were in Preschool. The project took me 40 hours – literally, after work each night for weeks. For emphasis…they were in Preschool. Most likely those cards ended up in the trash within a couple of days, if they made it home at all.

But I finished all of them. Not quitting when I realized the absurdity of the entire project. Were the cards beyond cool? Yes. Will I ever get back those 40 hours? No. Did the kids care about the cards? No. I made them because it started out as a fun creative project, and, maybe, I wanted to impress the other mom’s.

While that project was ill hatched, I still make cards. They’re different now, painted expressions of caring for others. My husband is the primary beneficiary, but if you’re in my life and it’s your birthday, don’t be surprised to get one.

Today I create because I love it, it restores a part of me that doesn’t get to come out and play in my normal day to day. I also write because I love it. I find it to be like restorative therapy, and I want more time for it. Over the last couple of years, as I’ve explored the creative, empathic side of myself, I’ve found a variety of areas I want to explore. Hence, becoming a coach, working to expand that, leaning into that side of myself and seeing what else is out there in that realm.

Which sends me down another path. And, and, and…

I recently attended the Superwoman Summit in Portland. It was an event for women with sessions designed to encourage us to lead others, lead ourselves and make a difference in bigger, bolder, more authentic ways.  One of the sessions I attended was titled, “You can’t have it all: prioritizing what matters.” The speaker, Erin Muntzert – a qualitative researcher at Google – presented a process for prioritizing focused on values. What I loved about her talk was that she emphasized that when you reach peak complexity, it’s time to simplify. The complexity described my experience in having a wide range of interests and resulting rabbit trails. While all incredibly interesting and worth exploring, it’s literally impossible to follow all of them well. That’s the key. I can go down any rabbit trail I want but can I do it well?

I find that when I try to stay engaged in a wide variety of interests, I can’t do any of them well. I put forth a diluted version of myself. Which doesn’t serve me well. If I cull my activities to be in alignment with my values, what would that look like? It doesn’t mean I have to abandon all other interests, but it allows time for what’s most compelling, and that which allows me to be engaged in areas that are most important. When we let go of distractions, rabbit trails, we make space for what needs to be there. The same could be true of people in our life. We can spend time with those who are supposed to be there rather than trying to be everything, for everyone.

Instead of looking at the areas in our life we choose to set aside, what if we focus on the space it opens for what is most important? Space to be a truer reflection of our authentic, brave self. Along with me, will you spend time looking at your values, and how you’re making space to pursue activities that enrich, not detract, from living out your values? Create your priorities around your values and know that it’s ok to prune areas that take you off course. Really, you don’t have to stay over committed. I promise. You’ll feel fulfilled with less, because it’ll be what’s supposed to be there.