Category: Be Kind

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Get out of my way!

I know what I want

Yeah, I said it, get out of my way.  But the person who needs to get out of my way is ME.  I get in my own way all the time when it comes to doing things for myself – things that bring me joy and make me happy.  I procrastinate…my closet is never more organized than when I have something “frivolous” for myself to do. I blame my “responsibilities.”  Soooo much to do, floors, kitchens, bathrooms to clean, laundry, bills to pay, food to buy.  Especially when what I want to do is actually fun – I have a hard time putting it over my responsibilities.  I expect the worst…so I spend a bunch of time in risk avoidance mode, contingency planning, second guessing myself – trying to prevent being disappointed, or hurt.  So how’s that working for me?  Gotta tell you…not so great. I feel boring and serious way to often!

I’m good and setting crazy goals and hitting the mark, especially in my sports.  Why is it so hard for me to set plans for myself?  I get in my way, that’s why.  I end up feeling like it’s silly to go away for the weekend, to take myself out, to get a massage…stuff that is all good for me, that would really make me happy and bring me joy.  Now, I’m not 100% dull, I do get out, I do have friends, but man ‘o man, I’m a chicken when it comes to doing things to take care of me, to be loving to myself.

So I need to get out of my way.  The same way that I set goals for my sports – and I have big ones this year, I need to set goals to take care of me.  To spoil me ‘cause no one else is doing it!  What should be at the top of my list?  A massage after my next half marathon next month? A weekend away to refresh myself after a particularly challenging day I have coming up? A drive to the coast for the day – swim in the Bay? All I think, and more.  I want to dream bigger – indulge myself in other things besides shoes (though I bought a super cute pair of sandals just a little bit ago! I do love shoes).  So move over Lisa, there’s fun ahead.

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You haven’t walked in my shoes

be kind

So I’ve had a bunch of thoughts rolling around in my head that I want to write about. Get ready.  It started yesterday when I was in Starbucks (which I love, honestly, I only drink coffee but it relaxes me to be there). I was minding my own business, reading, journal-ing, enjoying my coffee.  Three ladies sat behind me after their morning run.  Right on – I’m all for that they were out running.  But I heard them proceed to talk about a mutual friend of theirs who apparently had been married four times. Now, I am a proponent of marriage, and staying married, but I’m in the midst of a divorce and the pain is raw.  I tried not to listen, but heard them making many, many comments about their friend.  From her judgement on the man to her choice to wear a white dress the fourth time.  What screamed in my head, so loud that eventually I couldn’t stay anymore and I packed up my stuff and left, was that they had no idea what she’d lived through.  Neither do I, but I know that it’s more than meets the eye.  It always is.

Today, back at Starbucks, I saw a woman who was homeless.  I was getting ready to buy her something to eat and then listened to her talk to another woman who checked on her.  It was clear she was schizophrenic.  I paused a minute, wondering if I really wanted to open myself up to whatever discussion would ensue.  But I did, avoiding would have been pretty chicken.  Julie was sweet and my heart ached for her.  I was sad that she was in that situation and no one was there to help her, care for her on Easter morning.

These situations and others I’m going through have had me thinking. We can look at other people, and think we know what they’re going through.  Maybe we think that because we’ve been in a similar situation, or maybe the same situation, and we ‘know’ what they’re feeling and thinking. But that’s not the truth.  Everyone has a different truth, a different story that got them to today.  And the book we read on the outside doesn’t even begin to scrape the surface of the journey that got them there.  I know that’s true for me.  Even sometimes when we’re one of the people in a situation, our truth about it can be different than the other person’s.  That can hurt, a lot.  But it goes back to the same idea that we really don’t know what they’ve gone through.  We can think we do, but we really don’t.  We didn’t live their life, their joy, their pain.

I think the only thing we can do is have grace. Grace towards other people, grace to ourselves.  Grace like God gives to each of us.  And it can be hard, I know, it is for me at least. But we have to try because, at least for me, I know I’d want that, I’d pray for it. So the next time I’m tempted to comment on or chime in to someone else’s life, I’ll stop.  Stop and know that they need grace and understanding as much as I do.