Category: Courage

Is this a rant? Let’s say no, because a rant sounds so, well, negative. Instead let’s say I been feeling strongly about this topic. The other morning, I had the TV on watching the news while I got ready for work. A commercial came on that I’d seen dozens of times. It opens with “What do you hate about your body?” The ad then goes on to detail woman after woman who didn’t like their face, their arms, you name it, they didn’t like it. But, the ad promised, there’s a solution! A solution that will make you feel amazing, transform your life! And went on to talk about plastic surgery.

This is one of dozens of ads that I’ve seen asking the same thing. Though the ads sometimes target men too, they’re primarily aimed at women. Fast forward to a conversation I had with a friend the other day who told me she was going to a plastic surgeon for a face lift consultation. Her mother was giving her a facelift for her birthday and told her, “wouldn’t you like to look better now instead of doing it when you’re older and don’t have as long to enjoy it?”

What makes me sad, and a little bit angry, is that there is such a focus on body image and acceptance of the idea that by changing a physical aspect of ourselves, our lives will be magically transformed. We’ll feel amazing, have more confidence, have more fulfilling lives, make more money, meet the man of our dreams.

But it’s a lie.

What would it look like to accept our bodies as they are? To embrace our bodies, our faces, our extra skin, whatever it is. To shift the focus from what’s wrong to all the things that are right. To celebrate our bodies and get comfortable in our own skin? Last night I started to make a crack to my husband about my own body and my recent lack of ab exercise. The extra skin on my belly I attribute to my first son who I was convinced, while he was in the womb, loved fried chicken and chocolate cake, so who was I to deny him. But I stopped and instead said my belly skin was good because “I grew humans in this body.”

Now, I know there are medical reasons for plastic surgery and support that. There can also be reasons related to disease management or body function. Those aren’t the body changes I’m talking about.

I’m concerned about the idea that by getting a facelift or tummy tuck or whatever it is, your life is going to be magically transformed into the one of your dreams. Chances are, it’s not. That’s like chasing a moving target.

If you want to feel better, happy, whatever it is, what stops you from doing it now? All the things promised by the countless surgical and non-surgical options for changing your body, you can have those without medical intervention. Or without endless diets or workouts. Those qualities, they come from inside you. They are a choice.

Wait for the external solution…

Or find the one inside of you…

The challenge I pose for you today is to think about your body. Think about the amazing things it has done for you. If you don’t already, think of it like a close friend. Love on it. The aspects in your life you’re waiting on for your body, your weight, whatever, to be “right,” I believe you can have those things now. I’m not saying exercise or being healthy isn’t good, it IS good, but it’s not necessarily going to change your mindset.

If you want to be happier, think about what makes you happy. Write it down. Then write down three things you’ll commit to this week that move you towards happy. Then do it.

If you’re not sure where to start, feel stuck or challenged with finding what you desire in life, I’m here to help. Find me at bbravecoaching…I’m here…sharing my brave journey with you.

Sometimes, a person can say something to me that I’ve heard before, but for some reason it finally sinks in. That’s the space I’m in the last couple days. Friday, I was meeting with my coach and we were talking about loving yourself, accepting yourself. Seems easy, but for some (hand raised) it can be tough. We talked about how you can’t give away something you don’t have, or don’t own. Hold that thought and fast forward with me to yesterday.

Wanderlust is a festival that I’ve heard about for a few years. It’s a ‘mindful’ triathlon – 5k, yoga, meditation. Then you can participate in a variety of other activities, acro yoga, hooping, workshops, throughout the day. It was amazing! One of the things our yoga instructor talked about (think about hundreds of people doing yoga together – so much positive energy!) was self-love. She echoed the same idea I had talked about with my coach – you have to love yourself, have a good relationship with yourself, in order to love others well, to give away love.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I felt as though I was getting confirmation of an area I need to focus on. In order to truly love well, you have to know what it’s like to feel love for yourself. Same is true for self-compassion. If you don’t give yourself compassion, realizing that you’re not perfect, and that’s ok, how are you going to be compassionate to others?

That’s one that I could really relate to. I’ve held myself to ridiculous standards and beat myself up when I fall short. Truth is though, no one else holds me to standards as high as I do. And I’ve been working on it. Being kinder to me. And it’s incredibly freeing, which allows me to show up stronger because I’m not as worried about making mistakes, or falling short.

So why do I bring all this up?

Sadly, I know I am not alone in having issues with self-love, self-acceptance and self-compassion. It’s not something people like to talk about. I can only speak for women and I know for many, it’s an issue that is exacerbated by comparison, by expectation, or by whatever has compounded it for you. I know it can be an issue for some men too, but I’m not equipped to speak about their journey. So to my female tribe – my friends, and even those I may not know, I get you.

I have to keep hearing the message, but it is sinking in. I’m thankful for that and share the message with all of you. Love yourself. You are with you all the time, don’t you want to hang out with someone you love and enjoy?

I set an intention during our yoga yesterday and carry it through today, love myself. And now I send it out to all of you.

As I write this, it’s a rainy, Easter, afternoon. I have had a few things rolling around in my head this weekend that I wanted to talk about.  When I was in the iPEC coaching certification program, we had foundation principles. One that really stuck out to me was, “True awareness is related to our lack of judgement.” As I went through class and beyond, I really thought about that and became aware of the times I would judge myself and others. I’ve tried to stop the judgement, but sometimes, I’ve found it’s so ingrained, I don’t even see it coming.

I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s, the era of big hair and rail thin models. The hair I got over but the rail thin stuck with me and I’m only recently (and with help) coming out of the self-comparison and striving that came from that “ideal” of the female body. My self judgement has often been around the “not thin enough” theme. And it is not difficult to find encouragement for that. There’s a constant barrage of media that would still say you’re not thin enough, or not muscular enough, maybe you don’t eat right, or not enough carbs, or protein, or fat, or… the list could go on and on. I have really started to grab hold of the movement to get away from all that. To encourage women to love themselves as they are. How God made us.

But Saturday, I was working out in the hotel gym where I was staying. I saw this woman diligently working out, first the elliptical and then weights. The straight up truth is that I looked at her and thought, “you’re working out so hard, what are you eating that has you overweight?” You see, she was a little heavy set. In that moment, I stopped. All of a sudden it hit me, I was projecting my own vision – the vision I’m trying to change – of what fit and “thin” looks like, on to her! I was struck by how incredibly wrong that was, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.

So what, if anything, does this have to do with it being Easter? In a way (and this is by no means a theological discourse, it’s my thoughts…) Jesus’ death was about judgement. He was judged by the very people that he had come to save. He didn’t judge anyone. In fact, He encouraged us to NOT judge others. That’s not our job. But He was judged. He was ridiculed. And why? Partially because those who opposed Him didn’t understand Him, the things they saw as important, He questioned. And it made them have fear. So they looked for ways to judge Him, which ultimately lead to His death. His death and resurrection lead to the promise of redemption for the world, as it was promised, but they had no right to judge and neither do we.

Judgement often comes from a place of insecurity. Often, we reflect in judgement those things that, in reality, we don’t like about ourselves. We see things in others that we may be blind to in us.  “…why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” Matt. 7:3. Today, on Easter, my challenge to you is to start paying attention to the times when you judge.  Notice, and then think about what quality, or belief system, you hold that led you to judge and take a look at that. Although I got tripped up the other day, I’m working on being aware of when judgement creeps in.  It’s a journey, as I develop awareness of myself, the judgement lessens. I guarantee you, it creates feelings of compassion towards others – give it a try – then tell me about it, I’d love to share in your story.

 

Yesterday I was going to drive up to Incline Village and connect with my good friend from coaching class.  I was super excited and looking forward to spending time with her. But, of course there’s a but…back up to yesterday morning and that’s where my dilemma began.

Got up Friday, had a great swim, at home getting ready for work. bent over in the shower to shave my legs, as I do every day, and…wait a minute…I felt a twinge in my back. For those of you this happens to, you know what I’m talking about. That twinge where you know if you’re not careful, your back is going out. I say going out, I actually don’t know if that’s what happens. What I do know is that it’s like the muscles and nerves in my lower back tie themselves up in a knot and make me barely able to walk upright. Plus the bonus of pain. I stopped. Carefully I stood up and thought I’d be ok, narrowly escaped that time.

But I wasn’t. As the morning went on, it got worse and worse. I was worried how it would be in the morning when I was going to sit in the car for two hours. I used heat that night, stretched it and prayed I’d wake up recovered. Nice try. I woke up and thought I’d been beaten up in my sleep. I met a friend for coffee early and could barely sit without pain. In my mind, I still wanted to go to Incline, body be damned. This is where I started to have awareness.

Arguably, my back was (and still is) pretty bad off. On the flip side, I wanted to see my friend, I’d committed to coming up and seeing my friend. When I say I’m going to do something, it’s important to me to follow through and do it. I tend to think I’m not responsible if I don’t follow through. It’s a feeling I struggle with, it goes against my value of being responsible. Particularly when someone else is involved, it’s tough. In the past, I’ve let that overshadow my own wisdom, or what my body is telling me.  With my body, I feel like I should just “suck it buttercup,” and move forward. And by and large, I’ve done that. I survived but I’m fairly sure my body did not thank me.

Yesterday something different happened. There I was, doing mental somersaults trying to decide if I should stay home and rest my back, or drive to see my friend, which in all likelihood would aggravate my back. I realized that I was really the only one holding myself to that high standard and feeling like I would be irresponsible and a bad friend if I didn’t follow through. I was putting my idea of being responsible above my own self-care.  So, still struggling, I reached out to my friend, she actually encouraged me to stay home, and I did. She completely understood.

I know this happens to me fairly often, but I wonder how often it happens to you? You ignore your inner wisdom, or the way your body is telling you to slow down because you need to be “responsible”, whatever that means for you. I really only took a baby step yesterday but if this is a struggle you have, could you take a baby step too? Make a commitment to yourself, and find someone who can help hold you accountable. You’ll find that making self-care a priority is not only worth it, but it will make you stronger and more able to follow through with those things and people that are important in your life.