Category: REALwomenmove

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Stronger Together

Stronger WomebnI have the luxury of spending the weekend with girlfriends from high school – a very rare thing for me. We came together to do the Disney Tinker Bell Half Marathon – and this is where my major disclaimer comes in – I am not against Disney, but I am Universal Studios loyal.  But to hang with my friends, down I drove yesterday to Anaheim.  How people drive in the LA traffic I have no idea.  It took me over 9 hours and became increasingly painful through LA, barely moving.  Once I got here, all that was forgotten and we fell into the same easy conversation as the last time we were together.  Plus we have the bonus of my friend’s sisters and college room-mate being here too.

But this isn’t about that, per se.  I have a lot of friends around my age, which is slowly creeping up on 50.  What I’ve decided is that there is so much…and I can’t emphasize that enough, SO much… that as women, we are not told about what it’s like as we get older.  I look at my friends, my girlfriends at home, at we look great.  We’re in shape, active, healthy, all good stuff.  But the tricks our bodies play are insane.

Is it 150 degrees in this room? No, hot flash.  Did I sleep in a waterbed that exploded? No, night sweats.  How did that black whisker get on my chin? Where did my energy go? And don’t get me started on the female junk.  Why did I put the eggs away in the cabinet with the cooking spray?  Why do I cry all the time?  Having kids was great but leaves a mark on the body, just saying, especially at this age. Seriously, there is some hardwiring that goes sideways.  The funny thing to me is that most women go through it,  to some degree, but we don’t talk about it that often.  When we do, we always talk about how it seems to be some big secret that the women who came before us pledged to keep.

It makes me wonder why we don’t talk about it, for camaraderie and to normalize it.  I know that a lot of women, ok, me, believes that you have to be strong, have to persevere despite what’s thrown at me.  I don’t think I’m alone in that.  Women in general know tend to hold it together pretty well.  So I suppose it stands to reason that many don’t talk about what they’re going through except in close circles. I’m not suggesting that we embark on a free-for-all of over sharing, but wouldn’t it be interesting if it more common for women to come alongside each other to share and for support? Not to brave it out alone?  I can’t tell you how much better I feel when I realize I’m not alone, that others go through what I do.  And it doesn’t make us weak that we go through physical or other struggles, I think it probably makes us stronger to talk about it so that we can process and move forward.

What I’m learning is that women need women.  I think for me I’m realizing that more and more as I get older.  It’s a support system that I never realized would be so helpful and it was there when I needed it.  I think we need it.  So today, as I sit lounging by the pool at the VRBO house we’re staying at (super cute – despite the Disney theme), I am thankful.  Thankful that I have my friends, thankful for these friends and this weekend to enjoy our time just being and relaxing.  We may not be thankful for the tricks our bodies play on us, but we know each other, we can be real with each other – I think we all need people who we support and who support us.  Our lives are better for it.

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Take me on a date…

Here’s wTake me on a datehat I’m up against.  I was told that as part of the process of learning to love myself, learning what I really like and don’t like independent of what I “should” like or not like, of experiencing more of me, I should take myself on a date.  I’m sorry, what?  Yes, take yourself out, plan it as though you are planning a date with another person, except that you get to do everything you want, there’s no one else to weigh in, to consider.  Get dressed up…for yourself and go and enjoy.  Experience your surroundings, enjoy your time with you, treat yourself!

In theory
, that didn’t sound too bad. Play along with me for a minute though.  So if you’ve lived around people, yeah, just around people, and made decisions, they usually factor in what others want to do as well as what you want.  If you’re me, often those decisions defaulted to what the other person wanted to do, or defaulted to nothing out of mutual indecision or neither of you wanting to do what the other did – and tell me that’s not frustrating – soooo frustrating.  So the thought of coming up with a date with myself was a pretty big task.

I will say that going through this process has been interesting.  It’s made me think about what I like and don’t like. I like to be creative.  I like to feel pretty and shoes and clothes.  I like being outside. I like pushing my body. I like chips and ribs and sweet potato fries. As my date (which is coming up soon) gets closer, I’m going to keep being aware, just noticing things that make me happy (even my new notebook for work makes me happy, it’s gold with silver flowers. How often though do any one of us take time to think about what we really like? Isn’t that selfish? Well, not according to the counselling I’m getting, and it makes sense.  If you don’t understand or aren’t aware of what you really enjoy, how are you going to represent that in a relationship? You’d always be deferring, be pleasing, and your true self could get buried deeper inside you at the same time.

I’m not going to lie and tell you I have it all figured out, but here are a few things that come to mind. Going for a swim in the Bay, going for a long hike/walk (or half marathon), riding my bike – I see a theme, outdoors doing something.  But really that’s fun for me.  Then last weekend, I got girled up in my new running dress and shorts and felt…well I felt girly and I like
it! So there’s something about getting dressed up that’ll be part of my date with me, because it makes me feel pretty and makes me happy. But where would I go eat because there must be food? That one I don’t really know yet.

I think part of the learning in all this is that there’s a balance between protecting your interests and others, not that that’s anything new.  In order for any relationship to succeed, there’s got to be two whole people.  Not one who doesn’t express themselves, or another who is always taking from the other.  Eventually the one being taken from gets depleted and has nothing left to give. So I get it. Taking myself on a date is a chance for me to be with me.  To explore what I really like, experience what’s around me without distraction, notice what I feel and think in the midst of it. I’m still nervous about it, but it’s coming at me.  I’m going to be brave, and YES, I will go out with me!

 

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Sporty goals

The funny thing about being an athlete…ok…side trip for a minute…I feel funny even callingOn the bike myself an athlete.  When I think about an athlete, I think of these studly men and women who are out their killing it, performing at crazy levels.  But really, think about the
population.  Comparing myself to other people who I see as athletes isn’t really a fair comparison.  I love my sports.  I love swimming, I love walking/running, I love my bike.  I devote a good chunk of time to those sports.  I study how to improve, I talk to people I can learn more from – who can help me get better, I talk to other people about it – I hope I can encourage other people to find a sport they love as much as I love mine.  I think part of accepting myself, of being the person God called me to be is to accept these different parts of me, and I think part of me is an athlete.  Still feel funny saying that, but I’m going to own it, at least work on owning it.

 

Ok, side trip over back to the funny thing.  Sort of relates to my side trip.  Being an athlete is different things to different people. For me, could be walking a marathon but for someone else, it could be a 5k or around the block. It’s all a matter of perspective. Yesterday I listened to a Skirt Sports podcast, Run this World, hosted by Nicole DeBoom – founder. She was talking with Erin Carson, owner of RallySport and pro-triathlete.  There were a few things she said that really got me thinking about this idea.  First, she talked about racing as a triathlete and how at the end of each leg of the triathlon she tells herself “I did the best I can.”  It resonated for me because it’s such a healthy approach to competing.  Last year when I started walking half marathons – I actually polled my friends on Facebook to see if it would be lame to walk these racings.  Resounding no.  I tried to shift my thought process to “completing” vs. “competing.” Perspective. I will admit it helped.  Isn’t what any of us want, whether at play, at work, in relationships, is to do the best we can?  I’m certainly not showing up to a race thinking “how can I suck at this today?”  Completing/competing at any level is largely a mental game.  Yeah there is the physical conditioning part – don’t get me wrong, that’s a big part of it – but the mental part is a big ta-do.  Being filled with doubt does not make an event easier. When I start any open water event, I have the 5 minute panic attack.  Why did I sign up? Why did I spend $100+ to do this? Can I really do this? But then, I settle in and remember that I’ll be ok and it’s my race, no one else’s.  I do the best I can just like anyone else does.

 

I also liked a side comment Erin made at the end which was that it’s ok to set crazy ambitious goals.  I do that all the time.  I’m wired for it.  But in reality, even though the goals seem crazy, I’m not sure I set out to do anything that I don’t actually think I can do.  When I signed up to walk a marathon last year my Dad said, “Do you really think you can’t walk 26 miles?”  My answer was that I could, but I wanted to prove it to myself.  I think that’s part of the crazy goal is proving to myself I can.  Maybe this year – and especially for my Year 49 Bucket List currently in the making – I’ll look at goals that are likely achievable, but that are a stretch.  Things that will stretch my experience – bigger goals, bigger dreams.  Part of this for me is making sure that I’m not stuck on the “should” stuff.  I should do this or that.  Though I cave to that fairly regularly, my goal this year is to put an end to it, which for me in and of itself is a crazy goal.  That goes back to what I wrote about a few weeks ago though.

 

For today though I want to dream big, do the best I can, and think about those crazy goals.  I’d say that’s enough for one day.

#realwomenmove #skirtsports

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On Slowing Down

It occurs to me that I tend to set my sights high as far as what I expect from myself athletically.  Walking-wise, if I’m not doing a half marathon, or training for a half marathon, why bother.  What I’m coming to realize is doing that can lead to missing out on opportunities to connect with other women who still want to get out there, but for whom going long isn’t part of their plan.  So earlier this week when my co-worker/friend asked me to do the local Run for Mercy, I was wishy washy about it – yes, no, ok I’ll sign up.  Only a 5k, geez, what’s the point (in my head, not out loud).  I fought a cold all week so I had a good excuse but decided to ignore it.

Yesterday morning was beautiful as I rolled over to the event.  The Run for Mercy is a fundraising event that benefits Mercy Multiplied, a nonprofit Christian organization dedicated to helping young women break free from life-controlling behaviors and situations.  It was inspiring to hear testimony from young women whose lives had changed because of the residential or outreach assistance from Mercy.  I saw a friend I’d been thinking about just last week and hadn’t seen in a while…things were looking up.

As we started the walk I realized it was going to be a time of connecting, not training.  While at first the driver in me tried to get my friends to walk a little faster, I settled in to their pace.  The thing that I was reminded of is that although I basically do “couch to half marathon”…but don’t always do the hard core training part…and don’t really think about the difficulty of the event…everyone has different.  That’s a good thing and great gut check for me.  I got to talk with my friends and as we walked through the beautiful park I also got to talk with a girl who told me she was 30 days sober.  WOW – that is an accomplishment.  To have the courage to change your life, to rely on God and then get out and walk a 5k…it gave me chill bumps.  She walked in with us and I saw her on the way out, thankful to have finished the race.

What’s my “so what” about all this?  For me, the so what is the reminder that I need to slow down at times or I’m going to miss the connections God puts in front of me.  I can get so focused on driving for the big goals in life that I ignore the beautiful rest stops along the way.  And if I want to be an encourager of others, I have to go at their pace, whether it be athletically or through other connection points. The same is true with my own life – that idea of slowing down and listening, experiencing, just being – I don’t take time to do that and I need to.

Turns out I did achieve a goal yesterday, it just looked different than I thought it would, but that’s how God works sometimes, it’s a good thing.

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I earned this one…

Integrity, doing what I say I’m going to do, is a BIG deal to me.  I’m quite sure I hold myself to a much stricter standard than anyone else would expect.  So when I said I was going to do the Shamrock half marathon today, I was in.  But then it rained, a lot, for days leading up to today.  Doubt didn’t just creep in, it full on body slammed me.  Had I trained enough (no, not really), was I healthy enough (hmmm…debatable…had walking pneumonia about 6 weeks ago), who did I really have to prove anything to? No one was the answer to that last one, except to me.  I said I was going to do it, I laid out the cash, and didn’t really want to give myself permission to flake.  Yesterday, I’d gotten myself psyched, it wouldn’t rain much I figured, it was only a few hours of my life (I walk these, not run, so it takes a little longer), game on.

Then I woke up this morning to pouring rain and wind.  Waffling set in, big time.  My friend messaged me with encouragement and said she’d see me there.  I not so secretly had hoped she was texting to bail on the race, which I may have taken as a sign to roll over.  But no, an hour later I was headed downtown, thinking how it wouldn’t be that bad, the rain would stop, and I’d be with 3,000 of my friends out there running through Sacramento.  When I got into the venue, I ran into a few friends from work, and that always peps me up plus it gave me company while I waited.

When the race finally started, I was good.  Really, these things are great for people watching.  Because I walk, I’m usually with folks for whom it’s a BIG deal to run a half marathon.  I find that so encouraging.  They are all shapes, sizes and ages and they are gutting it out on a Sunday morning to get a finisher’s medal and a bag of chips – ok, there was beer at the end, I just didn’t have any, would’ve if I could’ve but beer is no friend of my tummy.  They are moms, dads, friends… and everyone is so encouraging of each other.  I love that about these races.  And there was rain, a good amount of it, and a lot of wind, but folks kept on going.  There were lots of people on the sidelines cheering for the friends and family and I’m pretty sure some of those signs were meant just for me.  Seeing the finish line was a spectacular feeling, I even ran the last hundred yards.  Funny thing was, it was the fastest race I’ve ever done and I definitely felt like I earned that finisher’s medal.  Rain and wind are great motivators to walk faster.

What holds true about a half marathon, or for any endurance type event I complete (not compete anymore, just complete), is that I persevere.  I run through a million excuses in my head, but I still do it, and quitting is never I choice I even consider.  It’s mental toughness training as much as anything.  Did it hurt? Yes, it hurt.  My stump killed me (I don’t have a left foot) for the last 5 miles, I prayed and breathed through that.  But really, a lot of things worth pursuing aren’t easy, there are ups and downs and then there’s the glorious finish line.  Or maybe there’s no finish line, just the joys and the lessons learned.  I truly believe each of us has the ability to get out there and push ourselves harder than we could have imagined.  Some do it in races, like mine today, but others do it by getting through life circumstances that seem insurmountable, and I’ve had those too.  I know God is with me through all of it and that gives me strength and encouragement.  And now I think I’ll go have a treat…I earned it after all.

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Go…ready…set

So a little over a year ago, I did an obstacle race with some girls at work, the Rocklin Ramble.  It was silly, and fun, and wet and I even ran a little.  So what, right?  Fun day, sunshine, girl time, yay Lisa.  But after, my mind, being what it is, thought the running wasn’t so bad.  Oh yeah, there was the fact that I’d run in the past with bad results.  I have a prosthetic leg and running about near killed my stump (there were tears folks, pain and frustration).  But I got it in my head that I walk pretty fast, so hey, maybe I could walk an event.  5k seemed like nothing, 10k, not much better…oh yeah, so I’ll just do a half marathon. I throw it out on Facebook, asking my running friends if I’ll be mocked for walking a half.  They assure me no, go for it.  Fast forward two weeks…no I did not stutter…and I’m at the start of the Avenue of the Vines Half Marathon in Lodi.  By then, I’d managed to lay out a good amount of money because, of course, you have to have all the right gear, and have to look cute…duh.  Gun goes off and so do I, running at first because I still worried about looking like a dork, but quickly settling into my fast walk.  I know its fast (or fast enough) because my new fancy Garmin multi-sport watch tells me so.  I manage to keep a decent pace all the way through and run into the finish because, again, the dork factor.  It was AWESOME!  Endurance events suck me in so I knew there’d be more, and there were, one a month the rest of 2015. But for that day, my achievement dial was way, way up.  AND, major bonus, my foot didn’t really hurt – ok maybe a little, but it passed.  Looking back, I’m reminded that some of my greatest joys come from not overthinking, from acting spontaneously and just going for it. If I planned for that race too much, got too much in my head, I probably wouldn’t have had as much fun. Definitely need to dial more not overthinking in, all part of that just start thing.