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Loving others

IMG_5600I’ve just returned from a pilgrimage in Israel. And while I’m sure that my “soul moments”and insights from the trip will trickle out for awhile, What’s on my mind today is our “rest day” side trip to Petra.

Let me set the stage. My folks, siblings and our spouses set out at 3:30 am for Petra, a 6 hour drive from Jerusalem. Our driver was auditioning for the Indy 500 and we made it to the border by 7:30. Nour walked us through the Israeli exit process after which we walked through the few hundred yards between Israel and Jordan. Very surreal. I felt a little like a refugee in this moment. We reached the Jordanian border where we were met by our guide, Hajj. Hajj walked us through the entry process to Jordan like a pro and it was on to Petra. On a side note, having guides to do all that for us is the only way to go!

It was a 2 hour drive to Petra during which Hajj told us about Jordanian life and history. Hajj is Muslim and we visited on the first day of Ramadan. This gave us an opportunity to ask more about the Muslim faith. Much of the foundational history of the Muslim faith is similar to Christianity, with their forefathers including Moses and Abraham. They also believe in Jesus, as a prophet, not as the Savior as in Christianity.

He told us how Muslims and Christians live together peacefully in Jordan. Which is different than how I have thought about the Middle East. He served as such an Ambassador for his country, and for his faith. I say that because he spoke openly, at least it seemed that way, and non-judgementally about the differences between his Muslim faith and Christianity. What Hajj shared with us layered on what I’d already been thinking about, noticing, during our trip. Each one of us is different, but we’re the same.

It’s so easy to spend time looking at how we’re different and miss out on the ways we’re the same. In our rush to “size someone up,”to label them, we can miss the fact that we’re a bunch of people who are often just trying to fit others into the mold that fits our narrative. On the pilgrimage, we met people like Hajj, saw women at the Wailing Wall (women are separated from men at the wall and at any Jewish holy IMG_5471site), I watched little Jewish boys in their school uniforms walking across the plaza at the Wailing Wall, people shopping in the street, Bedouins along the road, selling their scarves, beads, just to feed their family. In each of those situations, it would be so easy to label and judge if you were not careful. Their lives so different.

But why? What’s the point in that? And is that really what we’re called to do? I think not. This pilgrimage, our time with different people, those we met and those we experienced, they moved me, shifted me. When we look at others as people, as actual people, not the label we give them, our hearts are more open. And the same goes for those we may not agree with, just people. When we humanize someone instead of putting them in a box, it does wonders for our hearts and creates bridges to relationships.

I think those relationships are part of the authenticity journey. Showing compassion, love, and genuine concern for others, that’s part of it too. It requires shutting off the fear based voice in my head, the one that yells STOP – that’s different – instead of pressing forward with openness and heartfelt love for others.

Getting back to Petra for a minute, all I can say is WOW! If you ever have the chance, go. It was fascinating, beautiful and the history is so interesting. You can live your inner Indiana Jones, as my brother did, or just simply be amazed at the ancient architecture.

You’ll hear more from me about this pilgrimage, this search into my soul, but today I have a challenge for you. Love each other. Think of it this way, as different faiths were described to me by a woman on the plane. Take a tree and look at the trunk, that’s the core of who we all are. The branches are the ways we are different, but all stemming from same base. I loved that analogy and am running with it. Do what you will with it, but have your own moment today, loving each other. Continue reading “Loving others”

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A parent’s heart

I’m in the middle of my pilgrimage and from the beginning,we’ve focused each day on how it is touching our soul. We’ve been so many places throughout Israel, but I hadn’t felt the stirring of my soul. Inspired, yes, but not the tugging at my soul. But today was different.

Today, we visited the Sea of Galilee and the surrounding sites where Jesus did 90% of his ministry. While on a boat, crossing the Galilee, my heart stirred. It was my mother’s heart, which seems appropriate since I’m writing this for Mother’s Day. I thought about my boys, who are really men at this point, and how they touch my life.

And I thought about the ways that Jesus would have loved them, how he does love them. I thought about ways they may be different, and Jesus still loves them. Just like me, they were created in God’s image, all our children are, and he lives them, no matter what. Now I love my boys, no matter what, but God really loves them. THAT was my soul moment.

I thought about it as the day went on and as we visited more sites. At the end of the day, we visited Magdala. It’s a village that they estimate was developed in the years preceding Jesus’ birth. It was discovered in 2006, and is being excavated, unearthing amazing discoveries! While there was visited a newly built synagogue which had a painting depicting the women who bled for 12 years touching Jesus hem. It only showed feet and her hand touching Jesus’ hem. Our guide reminded us that he called the woman his daughter, showing God’s fathers heart to the woman. It touched my heart thinking that’s how God Love’s me, a hot mess, how he loves my kids and each one of us.

So why can’t we love each other like that? People sometimes don’t love another person because they’re different than them, or they believe differently. But they’re still people. Who are we to love them any less?

That’s been what my heart has been telling me for awhile now. That’s what my authentic self tells me, that’s what I want to live out. And that’s going to mean continuing to love others who are different that me, who might not fit in the cookie cutter from the perspective of their lifestyle. Loving them.

It feels like I may need to be brave at times, but it’s what my heart is calling me to. As a mom, I really love my boys, and I hope that all moms out there feel the same about their kids this Mother’s Day. Life happens and differences arise, but love them, let them know you love them. Just like God loves us, just love. I hope you’ll feel the same friends, it’s simple really, be brave…and love.

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What’s your journey?

my journey is not your journeyI’m going on a pilgrimage. It started nearly six months ago when my stepmother suggested it at Thanksgiving. “We should all go to Israel together.” I thought my husband would lose his mind. I’d known it was on his bucket list for quite some time and he was 100% in from the get go. Me? Well, we’re leaving Monday, and I’m excited, but have spent a great deal of time thinking about the trip and what it is for me.

First let me say that it’s a huge blessing. My folks are taking my siblings and our spouses which is incredibly generous. I know I wouldn’t be going otherwise.

Second, there’s some fear rolling around in there. It’s the longest vacation I’ve been on, the farthest away from home, into a country that is not known for peace these days. And ohhh do I love peace. Not a fan of sketchy situations much less a war zone. So, to say I had concerns over that is an understatement.

The biggest piece of it was working through what my own expectations are. My husband (and 95% of the people who go) is thrilled to be going to the Holy Land. To take the steps Jesus took. To see where the miracles happened. To have the Bible come to life.

And all those things resonate with me too. But there’s something else for me and I’ve wrestled with what it is. I’m not 100% sure, even today, what that something else is with my bag half packed (in my head…note to self, I really need to get on the packing thing). I think it relates to the concept of pilgrimage.

You may be familiar with the Hero’s Journey, it’s the common theme in a broad category of stories that involve a hero who goes on an adventure, and in a decisive crisis wins a victory, and then comes home changed or transformed. That’s the simple version. Joseph Campbell, who wrote about it more than 50 years ago details 17 stages of the journey. What stuck with me was the thought that the journey itself is filled with the unknown. The only thing that’s known is the departure and that there will be a return. What happens on the journey is unknown, therein lies the mystery and the transformation.

It’s Luke Skywalker…the Lord of the Rings…Moses…Lisa Kirby…oh wait that’s me…I’m not going in search of the Ring and am not going to save the galaxy. But could I find parts of me that were untapped, unknown?

Yes. But I must be willing to explore the unknown. I’ve lived a lot of my life staying in the ‘known.’ Making plans, following rules, playing it safe, all those things are in the known. Playing small is also in the known. Not living to my full potential, not stepping into my life’s calling, my life’s purpose, not fully using my gifts and talents, not being vulnerable, that’s all in the known. That’s safe. But it’ sells you short. The hero’s journey was not safe.

My journey is not one of a hero, or if it is, the person who needs the hero is me. That’s what this journey is about. It’s part of my authentic journey which includes living more fully. Stepping into the unknown. Taking the risk. The pilgrimage is the search for moral or spiritual significance that is there for me to learn. And it’s going to be different for me than for others because what I need to learn is different. It’s based on my life and where I’ve been so far. What I’m praying for is to be open to whatever that is. To hold space for what I need to learn and experience.

I know I need to be brave enough, not a superhero, just brave enough to let my authentic self show up. To step fully into the experience and know that I still have so much to learn but I must be brave. Be open, step in with both feet. To experience what’s there for me. My own journey.

What about you? We all have room for the hero’s journey in our lives. The one that takes us into the unknown and transforms us. And a lot of the time, we don’t have to leave home, but we do have to leave what’s comfortable. Transformation doesn’t happen when we’re comfortable. Believe me, I’ve tried. I hope you’ll take time this week to think about your own journey, your pilgrimage. And know that it could come at an unexpected time, but exactly when you need it – be brave – you got this.

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Aging Gracefully

embrace with graceI had the realization this week that I can either choose to age gracefully or to fight it, kicking and screaming in disbelief at the onslaught of mental and physical betrayals that seem to come with age. I guess it’s now clear which one I’ve chosen thus far.

Here’s the deal. I’m exhausted a great deal of the time. I manage to fake my way through it, but it’s always my companion. I’ve worked with doctors, given more than my share of blood to figure it out and the explanation doesn’t lead to a fix. It’s a side effect of a bunch of minor conditions, none of which are life threatening, but together, they pack a mean punch to my energy level. I got to a point this week where I was mad about it.

Ok I was a little more than mad if I’m honest, maybe pissed. And I don’t get pissed easily. But getting there lead me to get in my head about it.

The more I thought about it, I realized that to some degree, the fact that I’m 50 not 30 plays a part in how I feel. Part of my desire to feel “normal,” whatever that is, comes from fighting against the natural process of aging. Though, don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that I’m ready to pack it in and get a rocking chair on the porch by any stretch.

But by fighting it, by remaining frustrated (code word for angry), I hold a lot of negative energy inside of me. That leads to an increase in Cortisol, which, when I’m running from a lion is helpful, but having an increased level on a day to day basis leads to many of the conditions which result in the exhaustion I feel.

Fighting the exhaustion is a fight against myself. So is fighting the changes that come with aging. That’s not healthy, period.

It’s a choice. So much of our physical and mental state of being comes from what we tell ourselves it is. I can tell myself that being exhausted is the enemy and fight it, or I can accept it, gracefully. Accept that not having the energy I once did is not a bad thing, it’s just different.

I’ve never been this age before, so I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like. What I’d like it to feel like is a continuation of strong, healthy, go conquer a mountain toughness. But that’s not where I am. Instead of fighting to get back there, I’m going to make a choice to slow down and look at what life presents me in this stage of life.

Relationships, that’s the first thing that comes to mind. Time to deepen relationships. Reflection and writing, creating, developing those parts of me that had no chance of coming out when I was busy ‘doing’ all the time.  It’s a different phase, not one to settle for but one to embrace. Thinking about my authentic journey, it’s a stage to look at with wonder. Enjoying the different experiences that come with slowing down a bit and looking at life and what living fully looks like at this point. That feels brave.

What are you fighting that is a fight against yourself today? I encourage you to consider what it would look like to embrace it instead of struggle. It could be that making a graceful shift will lead to discoveries you never would have imagined. It’s being authentic with where we are, in this moment. Will you be brave with me?

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Brave Enough

Brave enoughI’m currently reading two books called Brave Enough.  One is a book of quotes by Cheryl Strayed and the other is  Nicole Unice and is a faith based book specifically for women. The focus of the later is on being just brave enough for what’s facing you now, and the book narrates how to do that. I love that idea that you don’t have to be Wonder Woman (although…she is the bomb), instead, you just have to be brave enough for what’s in front of you.

This week, I need to be brave enough for a situation which gave me the opportunity to show a great deal of compassion to a friend. It was a situation which could have gone one of two ways. Either I could have been stiff and unfeeling, or I could lean into it and show the compassion and care the situation deserved. I chose the later.

And later in the day, I was exhausted.

It’s interesting to me that allowing myself to show a lot of feelings can be so exhausting, to be honest. I wouldn’t call myself an unfeeling person, but I think I identify with emotion more than deep feelings. Sad = crying, happy = smiling, but feelings that touch my soul, geez man, can I take a pass? At least that used to be my go to.

But now it’s not. I’m finding that what I feel, I feel deeply. I hurt for other people and on the other side, I’m equally joyful for someone in the right situation. It makes me think about what flipped that switch in me. What shifted me from surface level or maybe a couple layers deeper to punch you in the gut level feelings?

I don’t have an answer.

I didn’t grow up in a family that talked much about feelings. It was often said, “Oh, there’s Lisa, crying again.” And I didn’t want to, didn’t desire to be that person. But I was. Over time, you find that it’s easy to stay at a high level. I don’t even know that I had the skills to describe what I was feeling in a lot of the time.

What I think about that is that it keeps feelings in the dark. It can make certain feelings, grief, despair, sadness, scary and seem unacceptable. That’s what happens when things are kept in the dark. They become like secrets. If no one knows you have those feelings, if you power on through, everything will be alright.

I’ve learned that’s far from the truth. Those feelings you hide? They don’t go away. They’re hidden in the darkness. The only way to move those feelings through your body is to be brave enough and actually let yourself feel. When you bring them into the light, you have the experience – yes, and sometimes it sucks – but they can’t stay dark anymore.

Darkness can’t make the darkness go away, only light can do that.

So that’s my authentic journey this week. I was brave enough. I had feelings and I let the light shine on them. Showing compassion, feeling with a friend who was feeling, it was a lot of work. I wouldn’t choose otherwise, but I was aware of it. And talking it about it here? Well that’s continuing to let the light shine on them. We all have deep feelings. When we share the collective lie that we don’t, that’s when the darkness wins.

I hope you’ll be brave enough to shine the light. Let it show on what’s inside you. Share those feelings with people you trust. That’s how light and love wins.

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Celebration can be tricky

celebrate-yourselfYesterday was my first wedding anniversary…or the seventh…we count both. Marriage can be hard, and for my husband and I, it was, and it wasn’t forever. But through healing, forgiveness and reconciliation, we remarried one year ago. So we count one year, and we count the prior six, we’ve earned them.

 

Leading up to our anniversary, I had a sense that it was a celebration. A big deal. I’ve also learned about my husband that he likes to celebrate and he’s really good at it. I’ve fallen short, something I’m aware of and strive to improve. The tangible stuff I do. I looked up the traditional gifts for seven-year anniversaries, copper, ok, worked that in. We’d planned to go away for the weekend, in fact we are away for the weekend as I write this. Santa Cruz – beautiful setting – awesome hotel – couples’ massage (that was his gift to me – score!) – great dinner. A proper weekend getaway to be sure. Of course, my husband started a couple days ago sending me a gorgeous bouquet to work – gaining him major points with the women at work. He outdoes himself for every celebration.

But for me, something is missing inside me. Not just in this celebration, in every situation where there is genuine cause to celebrate. You can guarantee I was not the mom giving trophies for showing up. Sorry boys. There’s something in how my brain is wired that sees accomplishment as an expectation. To say I am a high achiever is an understatement. At least with things I set my mind to. But celebrating those accomplishments? I basically don’t.

It’s not that I think every accomplishment needs fireworks, don’t misunderstand me. What I’ve noticed though is the feeling I have inside. It’s a flat, “ok, so check that one off.” I think about a comment my Dad made to me a couple years ago. I had decided to walk a marathon (I am not a runner – at all – I don’t even fake it). He said to me, “Do you really think you can’t walk a marathon?” No, I was sure I could do it. “Then why do it?” His comment really summed up my thinking. I knew I could do it. Not because I’d trained or was a fast walking champion, I just knew if I started I’d finish. It was the expectation element. So when I did, it was cool and all, but my inside self was flat.

I like celebrating other people, their accomplishments, their success. Seeing their joy, their pride. Joining in that gives me the warm fuzzies. The part I struggle with is the inner feeling of celebration – maybe it’s a self-pride in accomplishment. Not pride in a bad way, but pride in hard work. Whether I can do whatever it is I set my mind to isn’t the point, I still do the work hard to get there. Case in point, my marriage. It was hard work to get where we are today, that is something to celebrate.

And it’s not about other people celebrating me. It’s the inner dialogue. Is anyone else nodding their heads with me? There is value in celebrating your own success, not to the point of negative pride, but in encouragement. You see it throughout history, it’s even in the Bible.  It seems to me it’s a reprogramming for the sake of self-encouragement. It’s not brushing off accomplishment but taking a moment to pause.

Here’s the a-ha moment. It’s about being thankful. Grateful for the gifts and talents God has given you, given me. Thankful you’ve been able to use them to help others. There’s an authentic part to it, recognizing that your talents, your gifts, they make up who you are.  Celebrate how you’ve been able to use them, and continue to use them, as often as you can. Live in that spirit of thankfulness, gratefulness. That, my friends, is how I’ll choose to celebrate, grateful for my inner gifts that drive me to accomplish crazy things at times. Today, I’ll celebrate my gratefulness for the restoration of my marriage, and for my husband.

What do you need to celebrate today? Do it. Bring a spirit of gratefulness to it and just be with yourself, even if just for a moment. I’m celebrating with you.

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Make your choice

I went to high school in a small town in central California. Other than being a gold rush town, I don’t know much else notable about Mariposa (and I apologize to all who live there for not having other interesting factoids). I rode the school bus down from Yosemite each day and for a bunch of teens, an hour each day was a long way. But the good part was that the school pulled in people from all over the region, and so I met a lot of other kids. There’s just a handful I still keep in touch with and I’m on a Girl’s weekend with a couple of them right now.

I was thinking this morning about the interesting turns our lives have taken. How, starting with the same schooling, we’ve ended up being much different people. One is in finance living inSan Francisco and the other in Alaska, a physician. What led us down the paths to where each of us are right now were choices.

I chose to go to UC Davis and after school, quickly entered the Human Resources field. Not too long after that I got married and had my boys. I’ve stayed in California the majority of the time and now live outside Sacramento, still working in HR, kids long gone, with my awesome husband. Through the years though there have been times when i didn’t really choose the path I was on. I let circumstances dictate what I did or didn’t do, the path I was on. In reality that’s making a choice.

I don’t regret the path, it’s uniquely mine, but I’m conscious of not having chose some of the turns. What I was thinking about this morning while getting a deep tissue massage (essential for Girl’s Weekend), was how not making a choice is still a choice. I differentiate that from making a choice to let someone else decide, for example, where to go to dinner, or on vacation. Passively choosing to let others direct your career would be a whole different story. That’s not making a choice.

The thing about not making the choice is that its easier to not hold yourself accountable. Yeah, sit on that for a minute. It’s victim mentality. Things happen to you, but you are not an active participant in your life. Easier to blame others, but really, it’s not about them, it’s about you (or it’s about me). By choosing not to choose, you decide to give your power away.

I’m making a choice not to do that anymore. The authenticity thing again. Being authentic with myself means making choices. I’m not talking about making monumental choices in this moment, per se, I’m talking about making conscious decisions about the direction life takes for me, as an individual and in my marriage. Making choices that bring more love, kindness, peace and joy into life. Whatever happens from there, I’ll own it, because I chose. It’s being brave.

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He so loved the world…

love yourself 2The last few days I’ve been thinking about the concept of love. More specifically, loving myself and others loving themselves. I think it’s pressing on me this week given that today is Easter. The verse from the Bible, “For God so loved the world…” John 3:16, seems particularly significant at this time of the year. What I was thinking about the other day is the idea that God so loved me. God so loved you. And it made me stop for a minute.

Granted, I’ve heard that my whole life and believe it, but I wonder if I ever believed it, believed it in my heart? And why is that? The answer goes a lot deeper. To believe someone, I suppose even God, would love me, I would have to believe that I’m lovable. That doesn’t mean I don’t think people love me, I believe that. But do you ever really think about loving yourself? Knowing others love me is one thing, accepting it is another. Really how can I accept it when I question if I truly love myself.

I wonder if I’m atypical in my thinking? Sometimes we’re told that if we love ourselves we’re prideful, or self-absorbed. Instead, we spend our lives looking for ways to make ourselves better. We work on creating versions of ourselves that we believe meet the expectations of everyone around us. We fight against our true selves. I’ll love myself when…I’m accomplished, I’m the right weight, I’ve really made a difference, fill in the blank. We put it off, holding off unconditional love until we are just right. But will we ever be “just right?”

Probably not. At least not from our perspective. And if we don’t love ourselves unconditionally, how are we going to accept that kind of love from anyone else? From God, from our spouse? Whether or not they put parameters around it, we will. And in doing so we hold ourselves back from experiencing the love that could be ours. I’d even say that it’s a cycle that can undermine our relationships. Shortchanging ourselves of the abundant love that’s there for us, that God intended for us. We dismiss the love others freely give to us because we can’t believe it’s true.

This week during my quiet time, when my mind was supposed to be still, it wasn’t (honestly, it never is), and in wandering, it stumbled over the strongest feeling that I need to lay down what is holding me back from loving myself, just as I am. Honestly, that’s a little scary, the “just as I am,” part. Again though, if I can’t love my authentic self, how can I accept the love others have for me? And so I will. I’ll love myself, just as I am. I invite you the search your heart and honestly love yourself. Bravely examine your heart to determine if you accept love from others, from God. On this Easter day, I believe that we should all look for more love in the world, starting with ourselves and from there, sharing that love with others, just as God intended. I hope I can count you in for taking the journey with me.

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Pilot Lights

Finds what sparks youOver the last few years, I’ve had a saga with my air conditioning. I’ve called my home warranty to fix it every year. A couple years ago, someone came out and whatever was going on led them into the attic. After hours up there and even more time at the unit outside, like magic, I had cool air again. I didn’t think twice about it until the cooler weather rolled around. Something didn’t seem quite right. It was the time of year that was dark outside and cold inside, without the air on, and my heater was not performing up to par. My son and I couldn’t figure it out and I spent a good amount of time on the phone with support trying to make sure my thermostat worked. Finally, they agreed to send someone out. First place the guy went? Attic. When he emerged a short time later, I found out I’d just paid $60 to have him relight my pilot light. Apparently, the guy over the summer put it out during the air fiasco and it doesn’t magically relight itself. Once on, the heat fired up and life was good.

It’s amazing to me that a small spark lights the pilot and it leads to heat throughout the house.

Some of you have followed my coaching journey which has basically been…go through coaching class…get fired up…pass my exam and become a certified coach…watch the fire dwindle. I use it at work at times and don’t get me wrong, it’s enormously helpful. But other than that, my passion to launch into that arena has fizzled somewhat. I think to some degree it’s been self-preservation. Continuing to yearn for something I couldn’t seem to wrap my brain around, launching a coaching practice, just made me feel like I was a failure. In my head I thought I had to be in business for myself to be legit. Again, coaching at work fills my passion to some degree, but not entirely.

While I don’t have a coaching practice, I do coach people here and there and after a year had accumulated the hours necessary to apply for the next level coaching certification. I did, but before I could be awarded the certification, I had to take an exam. Boo! Not a fan of tests but Friday, I sucked it up and took it. After more than two hours and losing internet connection twice (leading me to relocate to Starbucks for their reliable internet – and iced green tea, I’m addicted), I got the screen “are you sure you want to submit and be scored?” No, not really. But I did, and I passed.  ACC – check.

Afterwards, I reflected on the feelings I experienced during the exam. It challenged me and excited me at the same time. As I worked through the different situations, it reminded me of the passion I have for coaching. Working with people and helping them find their answers so they can more forward in life. Oddly enough, the exam was like that pilot light in my attic. It sparked the passion I’d put on the back burner.

So now here I am, more letters behind my name – for whatever that’s worth – and a renewed passion for the field I found later in life, but that I think life prepared me for. How I keep the passion engaged is a bit unknown to me right now, but I don’t want to lose the spark, the pilot light, that fires up the whole thing. I’ll keep using it the way I am now, but I’m looking for more. If I’m being authentic, I have to be honest and say I’ve likely been a bit fearful and that’s held me back. Fearful of failing. But I’ve also learned that failing is ok because I’ll learn from it.

Even though I don’t know what’s next, what I do know is that I’ll be brave. I’ve held myself back on many things in life and I’m about done with that. Are you holding back? Stopping yourself from living out your gifts and talents, your passion out of fear? Come along with me then. If we fail, we fail, but we can say we step out and lived bravely.

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Who do you compare to?

comparisonI’ve been doing a women’s devotional called the Comparison Trap by Sandra Stanley. It stems from a series of sermons her husband, Andy Stanley, gave where he talks about that battle with Er. Have you heard of it? The battle to be prettier, wealthier, thinner, happier, craftier… pick our own Er battle, but the truth is we all have them. Pinterest, love it, daily user, not gonna lie, gives you opportunities every day to feel less-er, comparing to the glorious homes, birthday parties, glam that others have going for them. Beyond the Joanna Gaines inspired homes I recently perused, there are many other ways we compare each day – Facebook, Instagram, you name it – people putting on their best game for us to view, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling less than.

In the devotional yesterday, I was challenged to look at what I’m jealous of, envious, where I’m dissatisfied. Here’s the straight up truth. Yes, I desire the beautifully decorated homes, but if I think of others, I’m not jealous of them. Other people who have more? I’m genuinely happy for them. And as I did the exercise, I thought I must be missing it if I didn’t have jealously, but I don’t. Then it hit me. The a-ha moment.

It’s not others I’m comparing to, it’s myself.

My own standards for excellence.

Ouch – that smack in the face hurts.

The comparison battle I wage is with myself. I fight a battle to reach a standard of excellence I’ve created in my mind. I have this ideal that has evolved over the years that I compare myself to every day. It starts each morning when I get dressed. Pants a little snug? Falling short there. Miss something at work? Yep, another shortcoming. Haven’t cleaned my house this week? Cooked a 5-star meal for my husband? All areas where I think I should be performing. Not in comparison to anyone else, but against the vision of myself I’ve created over the years. And I suppose that was based on the barrage of messages I’ve received from many, many sources, over the years. The challenge today is that it’s become engrained in my mind as who I should be.

As I sat and thought about that reality yesterday, I was not a fan. Not one little bit. My battle is an internal one, my mind playing out a storyline that’s not true. So how to stop it?

The same way I stopped the comparison to other people. Over the years, I’ve shifted my thinking to appreciate other people instead of being jealous or envious of them. I appreciate beauty in others. Would rather share their success than envy it. Celebrate their creativity and gain insight from them. Genuinely admire their individuality and know that their journey is theirs alone, not one I must mirror.

It’s the same thinking that leads to surrender in my own battle, and in yours. For me, shifting to appreciating myself, my circumstance, as unique unto me, for my own purpose, is the same as the shift that can happen in you.

It’s a challenge for me, it’s raw, but it’s also part of the authenticity journey I’ve chosen for this year. I know that many of you face comparison battles of your own. I get it. Today, could each of us choose to appreciate instead of compare? Be brave enough to turn the mirror to look at and appreciate ourselves for the unique people we are? And then celebrate each other? It’s a choice to love…ourselves and others. I hope you’ll make it with me.