Love – it really IS simple

Valentine’s Day has long since passed and yet, I’m thinking about LOVE. Not the romantic, sappy, blah, blah, blah, nope. Rather, the deep-rooted belief that our number one job is to love each other. Sadly, all the things get in the way of living it out. Rolling around in my head is the idea that we, as human people, instead of keeping it simple, complicated matters a zillion years ago. In our infinite wisdom which, let’s be honest…we’re talking prehistorical man…the idea formed that life couldn’t all be love, puppies and kittens. No, we landed on punishment instead. Bad things happened and someone had to be punished. But what if we had skipped punishment and instead remembered love really is simple?

Bad things DO happen

Let’s be real, bad things happen. We’re not being chased by a pterodactyl, but it might feel that way. As we live life, bad things happen. Maybe as the result of something we’ve done, and maybe not. I’m on the fence these days about the idea that ‘everything happens for a reason.’ I’m not convinced it does. Sometimes, stuff just happens.

Throughout evolution, we associated the ‘something bad’ with punishment, eventually landing on the idea that we are in charge of the consequence. People became the arbiters of behavior, doling out the penalty for the bad, rewarding the good. Along the way, we lost sight of love. Outside of marital or familial love, we were interested in holding people accountable more than loving them.

People showed us how

The Easter season has me thinking about Jesus and the model he gave the world of love. In the narrative of his sermons and teachings, we learn that a piece of the greatest commandment is to love each other. It wasn’t hold each other accountable or punish others, it really was the simplicity of love each other. All others. Jesus, well he was hanging out with the alleged prostitutes and tax collectors. Hanging with the women when tradition was otherwise.

While the examples of people who punish abound in history, if we turn the pages, we can find those who’ve love others well. Fred Rogers shared the words of his mother which was to ‘look for the helpers,’ in tragedy. The people who don’t command attention but instead come alongside those who struggle and help. In seen and unseen ways, help. And help is love.

K.I.S.S.

Though I was forbidden to say ‘stupid’ as a child, the acronym K.I.S.S – keep is simple stupid – comes in handy. Love really IS simple. If we could stop complicating it and put aside our judgement of each other, stop the need to evaluate every.single.thing that happens and instead look for opportunities to love on other people…well, I wonder how I lives would change.

The simplicity of that may seem, well, stupid, but what if? Love others irrespective of their ethnicity, who they love, where they’re from, how their worship. I’m not suggesting a Pollyanna perspective because, yes, bad…terribly bad…events have happened and we must right the wrongs, but what would look different if love was at the core?

What would it look like for you to adopt love at your core? Towards you and other people? Acting from love rather than judgement? I don’t have the answer, but I know that we won’t know until we try. K.I.S.S. and love each other like it’s our job. Zero percent of the time will we regret it. Love…it really is simple. Love to you my friends. Be brave. Lisa

Why live your life with a daring spirit?

Remarkable as it may seem, we’ve arrived in January. As I scrolled through my social media feed, the range of ‘resolutions,’ was endless. Lose weight, exercise, learn to speak Russian…maybe I made that one up, but a wide array of actions designed to improve upon the current state. I was not among those making resolutions as I’ve chosen instead to pick a word for the year the last few years. My word serves as a guidepost for behavior throughout the year. You may have seen the preview last month of 2021’s pick, daring. Why? My internal voice was telling me, “live your life with a daring spirit.”

Why choose daring?

There are literally thousands of words I could have chosen, millions even. But in November, daring knocked at the door of my mind. I often think about one of my Dad’s go to sayings, “Life is not a dress rehearsal.” Yet, I’ve lived much of mine as though it were. With a mindset that once I’d done the thing, whatever that thing was, I’d be happy, content, filled with joy. Often that thing revolved around my weight, but also to do with my career, or a relationship – or lack thereof. Right around the corner, life was going to be all I hoped it would be. But the truth is, that’s not how it works.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

Mary Oliver – The Summer Day

Live for today

Nope, it’s not how it works at all. New Year’s Resolutions date back to 4000 B.C. and the ancient Babylonians. They began as offerings to pagan gods and continued to the modern era with the overriding theme being to ‘do better’ in an area of life. As many as 45% of Americans make resolutions with only 8% maintaining them. That’s a dismal statistic.

Because, there’s nothing magical about January 1st. Julius Caesar may have thought so in making sacrifices to the god Janus, but it’s merely a day. I stopped making resolutions for reasons I honestly can’t recall. The idea of a word was appealing, and I stuck with it. But why choose to live my life with a daring spirit?

Because every day is a January 1st. We start over every single day. Brené Brown writes about the concept of postponing joy. Postponing joy is a form of living like you’re in dress rehearsal. Which we’re not. I’ve spent years of my life waiting for ‘the things’ to line up so that I can be truly happy. But as much as we want that magical day to come, it never does.

Living a daring life

And all that is good and well, but it still doesn’t explain daring. After reading Brené for several years now, I can see that I’ve lived in a safety bubble. Armored up and protected from risk and danger. Except you know what? That’s where joy is. In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brown writes, “We cannot selectively numb emotions, if we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive ones.” I’ve numbed my share of painful emotions and I can assure you, that doesn’t make you happy all the time, it makes you numb.

Life with a daring spirit means you’re going to get your heart crushed. Damn. But life with a daring spirit also means that while you’re going to be vulnerable, and the pain will still be there, so will the joy. You cannot get to joy without going through suffering. If you did, you wouldn’t know joy when you experienced it. There would be nothing to compare it to.

Living life with a daring spirit leads to risk, to vulnerability, to courage. And it may look like an ordinary day from the outside, but below the surface, those baby steps to live the one wild and precious life are one after the other. Daring is using your voice, speaking your truth, even when it might risk losing belonging. But, my friends, if we do not live life with a daring spirit, what do we have? Day after day of resolutions. Thumbs down to continuing that tradition. You, we, are perfectly made and as we’re supposed to be, as we are today. Let’s choose to live like we believe it. Be brave my loves. Lisa