Tag: daring greatly

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Why live your life with a daring spirit?

Remarkable as it may seem, we’ve arrived in January. As I scrolled through my social media feed, the range of ‘resolutions,’ was endless. Lose weight, exercise, learn to speak Russian…maybe I made that one up, but a wide array of actions designed to improve upon the current state. I was not among those making resolutions as I’ve chosen instead to pick a word for the year the last few years. My word serves as a guidepost for behavior throughout the year. You may have seen the preview last month of 2021’s pick, daring. Why? My internal voice was telling me, “live your life with a daring spirit.”

Why choose daring?

There are literally thousands of words I could have chosen, millions even. But in November, daring knocked at the door of my mind. I often think about one of my Dad’s go to sayings, “Life is not a dress rehearsal.” Yet, I’ve lived much of mine as though it were. With a mindset that once I’d done the thing, whatever that thing was, I’d be happy, content, filled with joy. Often that thing revolved around my weight, but also to do with my career, or a relationship – or lack thereof. Right around the corner, life was going to be all I hoped it would be. But the truth is, that’s not how it works.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

Mary Oliver – The Summer Day

Live for today

Nope, it’s not how it works at all. New Year’s Resolutions date back to 4000 B.C. and the ancient Babylonians. They began as offerings to pagan gods and continued to the modern era with the overriding theme being to ‘do better’ in an area of life. As many as 45% of Americans make resolutions with only 8% maintaining them. That’s a dismal statistic.

Because, there’s nothing magical about January 1st. Julius Caesar may have thought so in making sacrifices to the god Janus, but it’s merely a day. I stopped making resolutions for reasons I honestly can’t recall. The idea of a word was appealing, and I stuck with it. But why choose to live my life with a daring spirit?

Because every day is a January 1st. We start over every single day. Brené Brown writes about the concept of postponing joy. Postponing joy is a form of living like you’re in dress rehearsal. Which we’re not. I’ve spent years of my life waiting for ‘the things’ to line up so that I can be truly happy. But as much as we want that magical day to come, it never does.

Living a daring life

And all that is good and well, but it still doesn’t explain daring. After reading Brené for several years now, I can see that I’ve lived in a safety bubble. Armored up and protected from risk and danger. Except you know what? That’s where joy is. In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brown writes, “We cannot selectively numb emotions, if we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive ones.” I’ve numbed my share of painful emotions and I can assure you, that doesn’t make you happy all the time, it makes you numb.

Life with a daring spirit means you’re going to get your heart crushed. Damn. But life with a daring spirit also means that while you’re going to be vulnerable, and the pain will still be there, so will the joy. You cannot get to joy without going through suffering. If you did, you wouldn’t know joy when you experienced it. There would be nothing to compare it to.

Living life with a daring spirit leads to risk, to vulnerability, to courage. And it may look like an ordinary day from the outside, but below the surface, those baby steps to live the one wild and precious life are one after the other. Daring is using your voice, speaking your truth, even when it might risk losing belonging. But, my friends, if we do not live life with a daring spirit, what do we have? Day after day of resolutions. Thumbs down to continuing that tradition. You, we, are perfectly made and as we’re supposed to be, as we are today. Let’s choose to live like we believe it. Be brave my loves. Lisa

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Living a daring life

Four days a week you can find me happily cruising back and forth in a pool lane at my gym. It’s a little trickier now because you must reserve lanes given the social distancing restrictions. 100% worth it because water is my happy place. But the other day. Boy oh boy…it was a hotbed of drama. I’d spent time before I headed over journaling and pondering my word for 2021. It landed in my lap really. I’ll be focused on living a daring life.

Everyday opportunities to be daring

With that fresh in my mind, I was presented with the opportunity to be daring that morning. To be clear, as I unfold what it means to me to be daring, the dimensions will expand. I’m rooted in Daring Greatly by Brené Brown, but not that day. My swim pals and I had reserved our lanes days before and were 30 minutes into our swim. When I paused at the wall, a guy informed me that I was in his lane and I needed to get out. I explained I’d signed up for it and he said he’d already checked with the front and I was wrong. Confused, I looked at my friends and we adjusted, shifting so we could share two lanes. He was in the pool maybe 15 minutes and then got out.

When we finished our hour-long swim, we fumed over the situation and I reiterated that I’d reserved the lane. They agreed, after all, we’d done it together. In those moments, I realized that I hadn’t been daring at all! I didn’t stick up for myself, presuming I was in the wrong and, classic Enneagram 9, didn’t want a fuss, and acquiesced. As I left the gym, I asked the attendant up front, and the guy did not have the lane and hadn’t even checked. He lied to me. Honestly, it was gaslighting, making me question my own memory. And still, I was not daring.

Wake up to your life

As plain as day this situation showed me that I had missed an opportunity to be daring. But isn’t that always the way? We have clarity in hindsight. Being daring would have been saying he was wrong, and swimming away. Oh wait, excuse me for a minute while I untie the knot in my stomach. Not even kidding. Does anyone else have that response to personal confrontation? Anyone?

My limbic system, my body, genuinely feels the emotion resulting from the thought of being confrontational. And for those of you who identify, how are we to live daring lives when we can’t hold our ground? Being daring requires that we’re awake to our lives. That we listen to our bodies and hearts and are vulnerable in pursuing our desires. It could look like telling someone close to you that their behavior makes you uncomfortable. Or telling someone that you love them first. Saying no to a family member’s request, without giving a reason. One way that we’re living a daring life is speaking up for ourselves, and that takes vulnerability.

It always comes back to vulnerability

And here we are back with our friend vulnerability (said no one ever). Vulnerability, according to Brené Brown, is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. All of which the situation with Mr. Pool Liar presented to me. Even with someone I didn’t know, I wasn’t vulnerable. But you know what? That blatant reminder slapped me across the face. Really. It reminded me to be daring. Reminded me that it’s ok if someone else is upset with me – which is a mountain sized risk to an Enneagram 9. But it’s ok.

To be clear, scheme of things, the pool scenario was no big deal. But at the same time, it was. It reminded me I can stand up for myself. Even though I didn’t do it in the moment. And I’d ask you, where are you missing opportunities to be vulnerable? To be daring with your life? What would be different if you chose to be daring, more often, to the point where you are living a daring life? It’s becoming my journey and I hope you’ll come along with me. Be Brave friends, it’s our one and only life. Lisa

 

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Daring greatly for calm and stillness

Real life is the best classroom. No joke. As I transverse my way through the steps of life, and when I’m paying attention, it’s as though I’m observing myself. I know, I’m a little odd. Accepted. In this journey through my wholehearted year, with a focus this month on letting go of anxiety and embracing calm and stillness, I must admit a few of my own behaviors that get in the way of that. I’m learning that when I push through anxiety and dare greatly, as Brené Brown would say, the calm and stillness follow.

How much anxiety do we bring on ourselves?

If I’m honest, I’m fairly certain the amount of anxiety I experience in my life has a causal link to the inner workings of my mind. As someone who desires peace all the time (an unattainable standard admittedly), the tendency to avoid necessary conflict is ultimately detrimental to my sense of calm. When thinking about a conversation I need to have, for example, I think of the entire scenario. How many possible directions could it go, what will be my response, what will they say, is it worth it, can I survive without this conversation? You know, the full gamut.

As we spend those moments, ok, more like hours, in our own minds, the amount of good that comes from it is proportionately less as time goes on. There’s link between our mental gymnastics about an action, a conversation, a change, and how much anxiety we have about it. I’ve noticed that when I choose to dare greatly, it brings the calm and stillness I crave.

How to be daring…greatly…

In the quest for peace, and to be wholehearted in how I make my way through life, Brené Brown has been my patron saint. Because I connect to her and what she has to say. Reducing anxiety…and to be clear, I’m not talking about clinical anxiety, for which I fully endorse seeking whatever support you need…the anxiety we bring on ourselves, is choice. Albeit an unconscious choice. By overthinking, overanalyzing, we do everything except what we need to do. Take action.

Daring greatly is stepping into the arena. For me, it’s knowing that peace will be the result when I speak up, speak out, for what I believe. The truth is that on the way to peace, to calm and stillness, I might get a little bloody. In fact, I might get my ass kicked. Or not. We may find that the greatest confidence, calm and stillness, comes from stepping in and speaking about what we believe. It requires we take the first step when what we may want to do it pull back and stay ‘safe’ in our minds. At the end of the day, it’s not safe at all. It only brings on anxiety.

Take the first step, and the second, and third

Over the last week, I chose to dare greatly by having a conversation that intimidated me. Truth is, the only reason it intimidated me was the story I made up in my own mind. When I started speaking, pushing anxiety aside, at first, I felt flush in my cheeks and tightness in the pit of my stomach, But I became increasingly calm because I spoke about something I believed passionately in. All the uncertainty melted away. There was risk, most decidedly, but I refused to speak anything besides what was true for me.

And you can too. Daring greatly doesn’t require you to have any particular ability, it’s acquired skill learned by doing. It’s a decision to step in, not knowing the outcome. Understanding you might get your ass kicked and get bloodied. But you have not greater strength in that moment because you are being true to yourself. From that place, calm and stillness will evolve. We may not see it immediately, but…wait for it. Check in with yourself and I believe you’ll find a sense of calm, and peace, because you matter and what you have to say matters.

I am with you, my friends. We’re on the journey together. Be brave. Lisa