Tag: resilience

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How we can look for joy today

Do you have a guilty pleasure song? One which opens a window your inner design and at the same time brings your heart joy every time you listen to it? Yeah, me too. It’s Whitney, gone to soon, the diva, the queen. And although she rivals Celiné in my heart, her rendition of One Moment in Time…it’s the biz.

But let me clarify, it’s a song I listen to only when I’m alone. Often while cleaning the house. Blaring through the speaker as I sing like a trained soprano, with hand movements, and maybe a little swing in my hips. It’s my epic performance for an audience of one. I remember a time last year though when I wished that wasn’t the case. Here’s why.

What joy looks like

The joy I feel within myself when singing along with Whitney, getting my groove on…it’s a moment of freedom and a glimpse into my playful side, which honestly doesn’t come out often. I wished in that moment that someone close to me could that side, without my knowing or becoming self-conscious so I would continue, so that they’d know I’m more than the responsible front I put forward each and every day. They’d see the playful side.

I can explain in words that beyond my strong exterior lies the heart of a little girl who enjoys a good twirl. A girl wants to feel carefree and light, but unless that side is seen, it may seem like a hologram. I do believe there are people that regularly experience joy, but I also believe you must cultivate it, be mindful of seeking and bringing joy into your life.

Why joy is important

Our days are a mixed bag of experiences, light and cheery could quickly become hard and painful. No, really. That’s how it goes…at least for me. And hard and painful is enduring, it leaves marks. But when we can tap into joy, we find resilience. Joy reminds us that we feel and feel deeply. It reminds us that the dark won’t last forever. That we’re not numb, not powerless. We can make a choice. And honestly, resiliency is a choice. We must choose to bounce back, and that happens through joyful moments and practice.

How to bring joy into your day

Perhaps Whitney is not where you find joy. Perhaps you are also a savage.

I begrudgingly admit she’s not for everyone, but you know who your Whitney is. Whether it be a song, an activity, a movie, an experience, a person. You have that thing that reminds you of lighter times, casts a golden glow over your life. It’s a feeling of being carefree. Find it, bring it into your day, let your inner child come out and play. Remind yourself that the hard thing, it won’t always be there. It’s a moment, not your lifetime.

Make it a daily practice

Do I listen to Whitney every day? Lately, yes. We’re experiencing an unprecedented period in history. “It’s just the flu” no longer holds true. We’re facing a pandemic disrupting every corner of our life. If we’re not searching for joy, opening to it, we’re likely to find ourselves numb and lost. It’s hard and it sucks, for everyone to one degree or another. That part remains true.

But we can have hope. We can take a walk. Go on a social distancing bike ride. Play with kids, or your dog. Simple pleasures that mean everything, in this moment. Or, you can listen to Whitney. I will share her. You’re welcome.

Be safe, my friends. Bring in joy every single day so that you remain resilient. There are many aspects of our day to day we have no control over right now, but you can choose joy. We’re in this together. We’re brave.

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On Becoming Resilient

IMG_6517There’s a famous scene in the movie “Moonstruck,” with Cher and Nicholas Cage where Cage’s character, Ronny, tells Loretta (Cher) that he loves her. She responds with a couple slaps across the face and says, “snap out of it!” Cher won an Oscar for that role and the scene became iconic.

Wouldn’t it be great if, in the midst of struggle, we actually could simply “snap out of it?” But too often, life doesn’t work that way. I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit and it seems to me that one component of this equation is the degree to which we are resilient. We may want to say we’re resilient but is that what we’re practicing? While I’d like to think that resilience comes naturally, I don’t know that it does for all of us.

Start with the idea that we’re all wired differently. We have our normal way of being, a set point, to start with. If you think about it on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being low and 10 being the Everything is AWESOME song from the Lego movie, each of us has a point which is “normal” for us. I might be a 6, you might be a 9, the guy sitting next to you might be a 3. No right, no wrong, normal for each of us. That point is the way you look at life, your approach. It’s the half full half empty idea.

At some point in our lives, we will face disappointment, or setback, and it’s in those moments that our resilience is tested. In context of our “set point,” we think about how far you’re knocked off course when difficulties in life arise. Do you go from an 8 to a 1 or from an 8 to a 5? Again, no right or wrong, just our natural wiring. The more we’re knocked off course, the greater effort it is to “snap out of it,” and get back to your status quo.

Resilience is something we can build, it’s a skill. It’s the ability to tackle adversity and have the strength to move through problems instead of parking on them. You can change the length of time it takes to rebound after a challenge, return to your set point. But when you’re in the middle of the tornado is not the time to focus on improving your resiliency. The time is when you’re not feeling like Dorothy, lost in Oz.

I consider myself a resilient person. I had challenges as a child and learned to adapt, maybe partially as a survival skill, but adapted nonetheless. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that when I’m under stress in general, I am less resilient. When I’m balancing 5 plates on each arm, back to my days waiting tables, all it takes is a small blip to throw me off course. But that’s not always the case. When life is humming along, challenges slide off like water on a duck.

In order to increase resilience, we need practice, and I’d hazard a guess that life is constantly giving us situations to practice. The time to try on resilience is not in the middle of a tornado, it’s in the everyday situations that come up in life. The small hurdles. Start by overcoming the small things…changed plans…a difficult conversation…a disappointment…before tackling the big stuff. Reframe. If you believe a situation is apocalyptic – you’ll approach it like that and your mental game might start swimming. It’s only a change, just a conversation, it’s not cataclysmic. You can mediate, practice mindfulness, be compassionate with yourself.

When we practice resilience, you won’t necessarily “snap out of it,” but you can minimize the degree to which you’re thrown off course. Increase the speed at which you’re back on track. Swirling in a negative perception of your life doesn’t move you towards the life that’s available for you to live, if you choose it. Honestly, I have to make these choices every day, and it’s not always easy. But worth it. Being brave is always worth it because let our authentic self shine in those moments. Be brave friends, be kind to yourself, and keep going.