I’m a student of human behavior, of other people’s, of my own, and of other people’s in relation to my own. It remains endlessly fascinating to learn the why behind behavior because, there’s always a why. Although we can examine factors that may lead to outward demonstrations of behavior, I often wonder, particularly with bad behavior, what tips the scale towards acting out. Towards aggression, rage, controlling behaviors…what switch gets flipped? Assuredly, countless books have been written on the subject, providing, in elaborate detail, the reasons why. Which is helpful. But what they’re not is a healing salve to the person whose been on the other end of the behavior. Those books? Harder to find. But what if we could do something about it?
Emotions get stuck
I found myself becoming irritated, ok, maybe pissed, last week about the lack of actionable steps to heal from bad behavior. There was a season in my life when a relationship was especially difficult and while I can diagnose the reasons why, that’s only helpful to a degree. I could study and understand the behavior all day long. But understanding doesn’t erase the impact on my body. Words and tension having an impact on me as though the behavior was physical.
I was probably described as an emotional child, fairly. And that continued into adulthood. Over the last 15+ years, a noticeable shift happened within me though. Emotions, both mine and other people’s…I felt them in my body. Primarily my gut. Harsh words may have well been a kick in the gut and negative emotions around me became imbedded within. I’ve learned that’s a characteristic of an Empath. You experience emotions and energy in your body. In Dodging Energy Vampires, Dr. Christiane Northrup details techniques to prevent those emotions from lodging in our bodies, because they do. I was late to the party in reading, and wish I’d had the tools earlier. To prevent the words and emotions from impacting my body, from taking up residence.
Why isn’t more written about how to heal our bodies?
Why is so much written about the signs of bad behavior and how to protect or extract yourself, but it’s harder to find truly helpful articles and books to heal from the residue it leaves within your body and mind. How to heal the impact of trauma, whether big T or little t trauma, left behind, the emotional and physical hangover from the experience. We talk about talking through it and therapy is helpful, but how do we heal our bodies? Heal the emotions stuck within us?
To be clear, excellent resources can be found, The Body Keeps the Score, Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Bessel van der Kolk, Waking the Tiger – Healing from trauma by Peter Levine are two I’ve found. But people shy away from conversations about trauma. Particularly with little t trauma, their own discomfort leads to dismissal. Explaining away the experience as a misunderstanding, a mistake, or ‘not that big of a deal.’ Those comments? They further internalize the impact and trivialize what should not be ignored.
Do something about it
Anger is a funny thing. We, ok, maybe just me, have viewed it as a negative emotion. I still contend that’s fair. But, anger has a positive impact, it can propel us into action. In my own irritation/anger earlier this week, I decided to do something about it. Still a baby something in my mind, but prep work had begun. The anger is cheering me on (or more like egging me on) from the sidelines. Stay tuned for what the something will evolve to and be.
This issue, genuine healing, is personal, but also a wider issue. And though all people could be impacted by traumatic experiences, women are disproportionately so. We need to normalize talking about it because when hidden or brushed aside, the impact only grows. I don’t like it and I’m going to do something about it. From my own little corner of the world, something.
What is your ‘something’ that stirs anger within? That you’ve pushed aside but which continues to bubble up in your consciousness? If you don’t like it, do something about it. No one will do it for us and we’re in this together. It’s our journey. Be brave my friends. Lisa
