Getting out of my own way…pretty sure that’s the alternate title for what I want to share today. Over the last 16+ months, I’ve been working to figure out me. Who I am, who did God create me to be, what is my purpose, what brings me passion…it’s been painful, and joyful and amazing. I’ve been surrounded by amazing women who have walked with me for parts of the journey, and I’ve gotten great counsel. Some of that counsel has been rough to hear, but I’ve been listening.
Last summer, I felt God was leading me to enroll in a coaching certification class. The day I walked in, I knew that was what I was supposed to be doing. What I could not have foreseen is where that would lead.
One of the great parts of being in a coaching class is that you are coached, every week. As I started through that process and worked through examining the “deep dive into the dark corners of my life,” as I like to call it, I started to see things differently. This is where it gets really interesting, so sit down.
My husband, Jeff, and I divorced last year. It’s something I chose. That’s painful to say. Those of you who are married know it is hard work. In my mind, at that time, I’d thought I’d done the work, and it wasn’t better. I knew Jeff was doing the work too, but I was stuck in my mind. And so, eyes focused, or so I thought, I moved forward. But even as painful as it was, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Over time, I healed…and I kept praying…for him and for guidance. I read, I got counselling…still stuck and not knowing why I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Feeling love for him again.
And then I started the coaching program. In the past I’d always focused on Jeff, ways I felt hurt, and couldn’t see how he could possibly claim I’d hurt him. But then I did. It was like a punch in the gut, blinders off. My awesome coach pushed back on me, in a good way. She helped me really put the mirror up and see Jeff’s perspective. Like a snowball going downhill, I could see it more and more. And I knew I had to tell him that I could see how I hurt him. Not an easy task since we hadn’t talked in months. Not to mention that not so good friend of mine, pride (pride is no one’s friend!) was trying to convince me otherwise. So I wrote him a letter and asked to see him, that I had stuff to talk about. By God’s grace, he agreed. We had dinner and for probably one of the first times, I was truly vulnerable with him. And God took over. He had prepared me for tough conversation. For owning my stuff. For seeing how I’d been no slice of cake. Jeff was understandably wary, but he listened. And we kept talking.
It’s been close to 6 months now since that initial conversation. As I continued my class and coaching, I was able to approach Jeff differently. From a perspective of we instead of me vs. him, able to see his side. And I know he’s done a lot of work to approach me differently, I see it, I feel it. He’s been amazing. We’ve walked these last 6 months together. And God is doing what I would have thought would be impossible, healing both of us.
So when I say I got out of my way, that’s exactly what happened. I stopped trying to figure it out and let God use others, use my coach and all I was learning in my class, to really BE in the relationship with Jeff. And when I got out of the way, what happened? Grace won. We are getting married again. It’s is amazing and awesome and a gift from God. We are stronger, and open…and I know that I can lean into the relationship and trust him. I married an amazing man, and now, through grace…and by getting out of my way…I get to do it again (cue fireworks and confetti dropping from the ceiling).
I didn’t do this by myself, in fact, all “I” did was realize I didn’t have it all figured out and was open to what and who God put in my path. Family, girlfriends and the awareness from coaching all helped prepare me so that God, Jeff and I could reconcile and restore. Jeff showed me grace and mercy and it’s been amazing.
I share this story because I don’t know where you are today. But wherever that place is, however stuck you might feel, however defeated you think you are, there is hope. And you don’t have to do it alone. If you want someone to walk by your side, to be your mirror, I’ll do that for you, because I know how important and impactful it is. I know that when you lean in and trust, grace wins…every time.