Category: Be Brave

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Are you in your lane?

stay in your laneThis weekend we drove to Bakersfield to visit my mother-in-law. Long, long holiday weekend drive. You know the kind. Crazy insane traffic, people everywhere, cars everywhere. At some point you just want to tell someone to stay in their lane. To relax, I like to listen to podcasts. I’ve recently started listening to Oprah’s Super Soul podcasts, love them, and one of many I played on that drive was Oprah talking to Joel Olsteen.

Now, I’m not a regular listener of Joel Olsteen, but their conversation was interesting on many levels, and one area that struck me was discussion about staying in your lane. Appropriate for what we were experiencing in that moment! Joel talked about Hebrews 12:1 “…Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” Doing that requires that we stay in our lane. Our lane.

That begs the question. Do you know your lane? Because it’s hard to run your race well if you don’t even know what your lane is or maybe even the race you’re in. Or if you’re always looking into someone else’s lane thinking it might be better. Strike a chord? It did for me.

For a lot of my life, I believe I’ve been running someone else’s race, without really being clear on what race it was. That’s what happens when you try to live your life trying to meet someone else’s expectations. And you might think you know what the other person’s expectations are, but chances are you really don’t. In my case, the expectations I’d chosen to believe, and probably had enhanced in my mind, were impossible to reach, and worse yet, they probably weren’t even legit.

All trying to meet someone else’s expectations is going to do is leave you empty. Aching. Knowing that there is more you’re being called to do, but not knowing how to break out from the wrong lane you’re in to get there. I know, I’ve been there. I was in the wrong lane for so long, and in reality, I wasn’t that far off track, but off enough to feel the ache. Enough to know that there was more that God was calling me to do. It looks like unhappiness, it feels a little like depression, life feels flat.

And I searched, mainly within myself. I looked deep inside at my beliefs. At what was holding me back. I questioned a lot of things in my life. A spiral…so many false beliefs …assumptions…based on what I thought I should be doing, or what I thought other people wanted me to do. Things I believed, and when I finally realized they weren’t true, that I didn’t have to feel restricted by them anymore…well then what??

That’s when I found my lane. Stepped into the me that I was created to be. And all my wiring finally started coming together. I remember feeling like I was stepping into my life, into confidence in how I was created and what I was supposed to be doing. It wasn’t exactly what I thought, because that’s other thing. Sometimes we think we want to be in a particular lane and it’s not where we belong. We can force it, muscle it, but only for a while. But when it’s wrong it will exhaust you.

What about you? Whose lane are you in, yours’ or someone else’s? If you want to run your race, get into your lane! Don’t think the person next to you has a better lane, more glamorous lane. Know that your race is just that, it’s your race, unique, and specially created for you. Only you and God know what that race is supposed to be. When you find it, or if you’ve already found it, you’ll know that it is an amazing place to be. Life clicks. You have to be brave to get there, to stay there. I did, it’s still a journey, but I’m staying in my lane while I do it. I hope you’ll join me.

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Grab on…

View More: http://mercarty.pass.us/lisa_kirbyI was at a women’s conference yesterday, Christine Caine’s Propel Activate Conference. It was a fire hose of a day with amazing speakers throughout. As always, my brain wanders in many different directions and by the time we nearing the end, I had a lot of ideas on the brink of happening. Lisa Harper was the last speaker and she was the perfect choice because she used humor with her message which kept me engaged at the end of a long day.

I’ve been through times in my life when, to be transparent, I’ve seen myself as a victim. Let me define that. A victim of my circumstances. Life was happening to me. I didn’t feel I had any control. I felt like I was along for the ride. Truth is, I lived to other peoples’ expectations, didn’t speak up for what I wanted, typical life of a people pleaser. But I wasn’t happy. Discontent but couldn’t put my finger on it. The great thing about being in that space is that you can blame others for things that happen. Someone else is calling the shots, not me, so I wash my hands of it. Not a good place to be, for anyone.

Last year, my eyes were opened to that reality and I started taking more ownership for my life. Calling the shots, taking chances, even if I risked failing. But it’s a process, one that is still ongoing. Yesterday Lisa Harper’s told the 2,000+ women that God will never tell you that you’re “not good enough,” and challenged us to look at what He’s calling us to do. To be honest, that’s a message a lot of women struggle with, me included. Feeling like we’re not “the right one” for the job, or that we can always be “just a little bit better.”

The problem with that (one of many), is that we look for “evidence” to support our own insecurity. Things that happen around us are put into a box that supports our fear that we’re really not good enough. We build our case…and it paralyzes us.

So today, I’m calling you out on it, calling myself on it. I’m going to spend time thinking about how to propel myself forward, to further embrace the plan God has for me. I’m going to think and journal about questions like:

  • What do I feel is at my fingertips?
  • What is within my grasp but I’m not grabbing on?
  • What gifts do I have that I’m keeping on the shelf?
  • Where do I feel like I fall short…but that’s not the truth?
  • What do others tell me about my gifts that I have a hard time believing – that I could embrace and run with?

This is push through kind of work. Can be fun, but not always. It’s going to require digging, confronting myself, challenging my limiting beliefs. Those thoughts that I think about myself that aren’t true but that I’ve let myself think are true. I challenge you this week my friends, what are you being called to do? Look at your gifts, embrace them, you are amazing. We can do this, we’re brave.

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Creating Time…to Think

Slow down and Focus

I’ve been on a quest this summer to slow down. Life feels so incredibly busy all the time and I’ve been working on being more present, instead of working ten steps ahead in my head with no time to actually think. Except the more I do that, the more stuff seems to come up. It’s the proverbial peeling of an onion. My obsessive cleaning friends will get this…it’s like when you’re cleaning your house and the more you clean, the more stuff you see to clean. Next thing you know, you’re on baseboards, windows, and look out garage, you’re next.

That’s how it’s been trying to slow down my brain and life. This week, I’ve continued to work on doing one thing at a time instead of multi-tasking.  I’ve also started thinking about screen time. I consider myself a moderate to low phone user. I use it at work, there’s a little time spent on social apps, I research and diagnose myself with diseases on it (just sayin…Mayo Clinic is a reputable site…my doctor said so), ok, I can see the list is getting a little long. And yet, I think I don’t use it as much as others I know. But…I could use it less. Although, full disclosure, I think I’ve picked up my phone five times in the short time I’ve been writing this post, because I could not live without know the hour by hour weather today? Or sending a picture to my friend of something that struck me as funny?

I listened to a podcast my friend sent me this week exploring how spending so much time on our mobile devices can actually limit our creativity. Our brains stay occupied with what everyone else is saying and doing and we don’t spend time in our own creative genius space. At the Willow Creek Leadership Summit, speaker Juliet Funt spoke about the concept of White Space (check her out on YouTube). Creating time to think strategically, not meditation, but carved out time to let your mind wander – in a strategic way. I loved this concept – completely aligned with my focus in the last couple months.

I remember when I did a half-Ironman a couple years ago (first and only – kinda a bucket list thing), we couldn’t use headphones, so basically, no phone use the entire time – which for me was quite a while considering I walked the run portion. Oddly enough, it was amazing. My brain wandered all over the place…I spent a lot of time with God…I saw things in my life clearly…I felt calm and at peace. I can see now that was White Space. In the Bible, Jesus left to be alone with God and pray. Time for clarity. Leaders go on retreats to get away from day to day…to get clarity. Clarity is a White Space concept.

So how does all that fit into slowing down? If I look at the goal of slowing down, it’s really to feel rested and have clarity on the things that really matter. Get into my creative space, think and plan strategically, and gain energy. What stops me? Me. If you’re trying to find more time in your life, what stops you? You.  Sometimes we might feel like we’re along for the ride in life because we’re bombarded with doing. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

There’s a choice to make and it’s a choice I’m making. If I don’t start making time to slow down and create that White Space Juliet Funt spoke about, I’m going to keep feeling like I’m jumping from one thing to the next – like changing channels. Each of us has the ability to take back our lives from the fake need to keep up with everyone else’s lives. Let’s make the choice to live and be in our own lives. Our lives are definitely worth showing up and being our best for. Are you in? Let’s do it…be brave.

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You have choices

Choose the positiveMy air conditioning has been working marginally, if at all, for two months. During a summer with a record number of days over 90 degrees, many over 100. And now, our water heater is leaking. Yesterday, in the midst of house failures, the heat and a long afternoon, I told my husband I thought we should come up with a name for the summer, like newscasters do around hurricanes, or natural weather events. Like…Summer of living on the sun…or the even more charming…summer in a fiery cauldron.

What he said to me made me think. He told me he wouldn’t attach a negative word to this summer. Wait what??? He doesn’t want to think of it that way. You see, this is the first summer we’ve spent together since we remarried. The heat, the adversity, certainly tested us. It’s very easy to turn frustration that arises in the heat towards each other. But that didn’t happen, at all. And believe me, there have been some tense moments, especially when you wake up tired from sleeping in a hot room, think surface of the sun, all night. Instead of turning us on each other like rabid dogs, it brought us closer together. So, no, he wouldn’t attach a negative name to this summer.

I was thinking about this the other day as I attended the Willow Creek Leadership Summit. Our organization was a host site so I was able to “attend” with 300 of my work friends. The Summit featured fantastic speakers, many of whom stood out to me for a variety of reasons. During one session, Andy Stanley shared an interesting perspective. He said that we should be students of success, do autopsies on success. We often spend our time focusing on what when wrong. So what does that do? Keeps us circling the drain. Keeps us in the negative space. Don’t get me wrong, there is some value to figuring out what when wrong to prevent it in the future, but staying there is not productive.

Focusing on success, studying what went right…now we’re getting somewhere. Studying success helps us…wait for it…be more successful. In life, at work, in relationships. Spending time truly understanding the aspects that were successful, in addition to helping you replicate it in the future, puts you in a positive space. Helps you look back on situations and see the good, not pick apart the one thing that didn’t go well.

Do you naturally look for the positive? I want to say yes. But at the same time, I know that I can have a critical eye. I look for the flaw. My heart is to help make it better, but that overlooks the 99% that’s awesome. I’m quite sure that is not the most helpful, or encouraging. Even though I see the flaws, I also see the positive. I want to see the positive. It doesn’t always hold my attention as long though. That’s something I’m working on.

So back to my summer of…laughter…joy…memories. Yes, I’m choosing the positive. You see, I choose if I want to sit in negative or positive energy. Whether I want to let life and my perspective on it be shaped by what’s going on around me, or take an active, thriving role in it.

Is this an area where you struggle? You too have choices. Start looking for the joy in your life. Don’t worry as much about the flaws. Spend your time looking at how to replicate your success. You’ll feel the shift inside you, and others will notice it too. It may take some time, but it’s worth it. Choose the one thing, the one area where you want to be positive and start…right…now. I’m right there with you, we can do it, we’re brave.

 

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Are you missing your life?

Rushing through lifeI was at a workshop the other day for work and the day started with some light team building. No problem, I was thinking. I’m all over this. First question… think about a time when… and that was it… checkmate. Anytime I’m asked to remember a time, or remember when, it’s a ride on the struggle bus. My kids often ask me obscure things like, “Mom, remember that time when I went shopping with you and you hit me when you found that purse you liked?” Ok, that one I do remember, in my excitement over finding an adorable purse, I hit him. As in “oooh, oooh, look at this purse!!” Ladies, can I get a nod on that one, I mean, it was a purse. But other things like, that time at the pool, or that time we were in the car and you asked us [insert whatever random fact you can think of], those things I struggle to remember.

I’ve chalked my lack of remembering up to my failing memory. Menopause brain, just saying. But in the workshop the other day, as I struggled to think up a time to share, something else occurred to me. I’m sometimes so busy rushing through life that I forget to take the time to actually live it and remember it. It seems like there are always so many things going on that I’m jumping from one thing to the next in rapid fire pace.

It’s exhausting. The details get blurred. And while I’m accomplishing and getting stuff done, I’m not able to remember the joys along the way.  That’s not ok with me. Not ok to be so busy doing that I end up missing my life. Part of the joy of life, I think, is to be able to come up with so many answers to “remember a time…” that choosing just one is the struggle.

I don’t want to live like that anymore.

So I’ve been looking at how I can shift, how I can slow down long enough to notice the details. To celebrate the good times and, equally important, grieve the hard ones.  At my weekly girlfriend coffee, we’ve been talking about multi-tasking. The scientific proof that if we say we’re good at multi-tasking, we’re really just kidding ourselves. I used to think I was the queen of multi-tasking. But…that’s a lie. I can look at it now and realize I only paid half attention, at best, to the multiple things I was doing.

But how do you stop. Our culture rewards multi-tasking. And we’re subjected to a constant barrage of information. We juggle our multiple devices, glued to our phones for fear of missing anything, and then add on the complexities of everyday living and the information that comes at us.

It’s a choice. And actually, it’s simple. Do one thing at a time. Really, that’s it. Simple, but maybe not easy. You could sit down at dinner and just eat, enjoying your food, actually realizing that you’re nourishing your body. Have a conversation with a loved one, no phones allowed. Focus on them, what they’re saying instead of being on edge wondering what you’re missing not checking your phone, your social media, what everyone else is doing. That’s just living your life through other people. Engage in the life that’s going on around you. Notice your environment, the natural beauty, let that fuel you. If you have to be on your computer, which I do for work, do that and then stop to talk to people around you. Don’t do both at the same time.

Simple. Just do and be fully in one thing at a time. Your life is beautiful, my life is beautiful, let’s truly live it. Be brave, your life has been right there with you the whole time.

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Still Uncertain

I played hooky on my workout yesterday.  It was glorious. My friend and I were having our regular Saturday morning coffee date and talking about how much motivation it was taking us to go work out. I was going swimming, which I normally love. I had skipped a workout earlier in the week because I was exhausted, which I am most of the time, so I wanted to make it up. It started innocently with dreaming about playing hooky and the next thing I knew, it was on and crackin’. It felt indulgent and wonderful at the time.

Predictably though, I felt guilty.

In reality, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. I realized it had more to do with the uncertainty. If I didn’t go swimming, would I lose strength? Would I gain weight? More underlying…I had to admit…was the question of whose expectations was I not meeting? Who was I failing by not doing what I said I was going to do?

Mine. Only mine.

Sometime I get caught up in what I think other people’s expectations are. Uncertainty about those expectations keeps me tightly wound. But the truth is THOSE EXPECTATIONS DON’T EXIST. I say that loudly because it’s the truth I need to listen to.

I’ve realized avoiding uncertainty has a lot to do with control. Is that a news flash only to me? If I am in control of situations, the outcomes are far less uncertain. Crap. I’ve been working on letting go of control and it still comes back up.

Here’s another way it comes up, or better said, here’s how it gets in the way. Sometimes there are situations at work where I could be involved in a project, for example. Maybe even be the lead. If it’s something I feel certain about, I know my stuff, I’ll do it. But if it’s a situation where there are uncertain factors, people, tasks, I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach, the uneasiness. And if I push myself on it, it comes to fear. Fear because of the uncertainty of whether I’ll be successful or not. Will I fail?

But what if I do? Would that be terrible? Probably not.

When I really sit down and think about it, avoiding uncertainty, maintaining control, it all comes back to fear. And fear creates limiting thinking. It holds me back. It probably holds you back.  When fear calls the shots, we live small.

Realizing that fear underlies my avoidance of uncertainty, my desire to maintain control, is an eye-opener. So now what? If you relate to any of this, do you want to stay here, stuck? I know I don’t.  What I know is that making a plan to push through the fear can easily become a formula to control it. So scrap that. Instead, let’s look at where we are using limited thinking. Where are we using assumptions about what’s happened in the past as the truth of what will be in the future? Challenge those. Question those.

I’m still on my quest to embrace uncertainty, and I’m uncertain about it. I think that’s the point. But I’ll stay in it, I’ll play hooky, I’ll take a step I might otherwise avoid, I’ll take risk. I’m a brave girl. Be brave with me my friends, it’s a journey we can take together.

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Trying to embrace uncertainty

UncertaintyUncertainty, it’s a word that makes my stomach tie up a nice little knot. Not a fan. I’ve lived most of my life trying to eliminate uncertainty. I always have a plan B. I take the low risk route so that there’s little danger of failing. I research, I plan, I practice, I eliminate the uncertainty. Because I don’t like being in a space of not knowing what could happen. I have a fear about it.

But the truth is that there could be a lot of upside in uncertainty. For those of you saying “not worth the risk…” stay with me.  I once had a friend tell me that if you want to have the high high’s, you have to risk the low low’s. Yeah, ok, I remember thinking, that sounds good, but those low’s, I just don’t know want to have them. So I held on to my practice of being risk adverse.

I played small, took the path that would guarantee success. If I had plans with someone, I always had in the back of my mind that they might not come, and I was prepared for that. It eliminated disappointment, but it also kept me from getting too close, from trusting others too much. Because that was scary, it was uncertain. I wasn’t playing that game.

Lisa party of 1. Playing at mid-level, not taking big risks, not even trusting myself sometimes, my own talents, my own gifts. Selling myself short.

All because I didn’t want to live with uncertainty.

So how’d that work out? Not great. A lot of feeling unfulfilled. Feeling like there was so much more I wanted to do but couldn’t get myself started. Couldn’t get myself beyond the fear of the unknown. I could fail. Something I didn’t want to go through.

Then I realized I was letting my fear of uncertainty keep me in a state of helplessness. Kept me from stepping into my full life, and I decided to take a different path. Take more risks, trust, be all in on what matters. Believe in myself, and believe in others. The more I lean in, the easier it gets.

But I still wrestle with uncertainty, and my coach sees that. My homework is to notice where there’s uncertainty in my life and think about how I can make friends with it. Let go of the need to wrestle it to the ground and defeat it with plans B, C, and D if needed. Recognize where the avoidance actually keeps me small. Because even after you realize you have behavior that isn’t helping you, you still have to do something about it. And that’s a process, it’s not always easy. Sitting here it makes me a little nauseous  even trying to think about areas in my life where there’s uncertainty. I’m fairly resistant about it. But I will. It matters and so I will. I want to live the full life God made me for. To step into that full life and share myself with others.

So how do you feel about uncertainty? If you share my aversion, first, high five. But my challenge to you is to think about it. Recognize those areas, and pick one. An area where you can lean into uncertainty, let go of the reins. I’m being brave my friends, I invite you to join me. Life’s a journey we’re all taking together.

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How do you love?

View More: http://mercarty.pass.us/lisa_kirbyI have a fairly regular coffee date with a girlfriend and our conversations often launch my brain into thinking about all kinds of things. Beyond trying to figure out exactly the Spotify channel that was playing yesterday, a Karaoke fan’s dream come true, think 70’s awesomeness, it left me pondering the idea of love.

There are so many aspects to love. When you’re young, the idea of falling in love is magical. It’s like a fairytale. It seems as easy as tripping over a rock. You fall and there it is. You’re in love. In reality, you trip over a rock and fall all right, but it’s not always magical. Love is a lot more than puppies and rainbows. It’s not a feeling, it’s a choice.

But what does love really mean to you? In the dictionary, there are 14 noun definitions and 7 verb definitions ranging from having affection for someone to a tennis score. Ok, reality is what love is can really vary. And so back to my question, what does love mean to you?  That’s the question to ask yourself, to ask your spouse, your children…because love can feel different, look different, show up different to each one of those people.

And we have to learn how to love them. It doesn’t come inherently. It comes through learning what makes someone feel loved, what shows them that you care. It’s an ongoing process because it can change. It’s The Five Love Languages but amplified because it can change.

After coffee yesterday, I went to yoga which is a great place to ponder and let my mind wander. In my own journey, I think a lot about learning to love myself, accept myself – especially my body. Even as I write that, it’s interesting because I say “my body.” Stepping back and looking at it, who else’s body would it be? No, it is mine. Except that my body is me. Again…my body is ME, your body is YOU. Why do many of us feel the need to call it out as something else, to claim it like a possession? Why do we not just say me or myself? We are a whole person. This brain of ours is going nowhere fast without a body.

So how have you learned to love your body, to love yourself?  How do we bridge the gap between seeing our body as something that’s part of what we possess and fully integrating our body, our mind, our soul? I know I sometimes look at my body as something I have to control. I’ll think “my hair is out of control,” or random negative thoughts about the acts of betrayal parts of my body is executing against me.

Laying on my yoga mat yesterday I made a choice. To work harder at learning to love my body, myself. I’d encourage you to try it with me. For me, it’s starting with how I think about it. Having more compassion for my body, for all its/I’ve been through.  Showing it/me more understanding. How about you? If you have something you do to show yourself – your complete self – love and understanding, share it in the comments. Let’s share the journey together.

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What if there’s another way?

Be curiousWe all have one. That person who simply rubs us the wrong way. It could be the way they act, the way they talk, or maybe there’s just something about them…you can’t quite put your finger on it. I’ve had “those people” too.

Like the one who always seemed confrontational to me. No matter what we had to talk about, it felt confrontational.  I struggle with that.

The one who seemed like they always had to be in the middle of everything, always had something to say, wanted to make the conversation come back to them. That can make me crazy.

Or the one who was bossy…wait that one was me…scratch that.

I recently chose to look at one of “those” people in a different way. Stay with me on this.

I’ve mentioned before that I know I’m not a “slice of cake.” I’m quirky, and have my own stuff that has been known to rub up against people in the wrong way. But I came by it honestly. Circumstances in life over the years resulted in my behaviors.

When I first spent time with this person, I noticed they talked a lot about themselves. Took credit for everything…ok maybe not everything, but it felt like it. Wanted to be the person who finished every story. At first, it bugged me. I was probably judging them. I’ll be honest. But then I became curious.

Instead of letting this person rub me the wrong way…which is really my choice…I observed. Instead of judging (which is just a reflection of me and my wiring)…I wondered. Just like I came by the behaviors I have though “life,” so did this person.

Maybe they had a family growing up that was chaotic, or had to fight to be heard, or maybe life was just tough for them. So they found a way to survive. We all do. We find a way, usually as children, to make situations which could otherwise be “scary” livable. Maybe you grew up in the “perfect” American family. Even in those families, you find the way to get along, to navigate through life and circumstances. There’s still family dynamics, still sibling stuff, parent expectations. You find a way to navigate it…to survive it.

That’s what I started thinking about. The “why.” Wondering about their life what it was like for them. What circumstances developed those behaviors. I chose to look at them as a person, instead of something that was bothering me. It made a huge difference.  The person who may have rubbed me wrong became someone who I understood. I may not have completely understood them, but I replaced potential irritation with knowing. Knowing there were reasons they acted like they did.

When you come right down to it, we’re all just people. People who are trying to navigate life with the tools we have. I believe that the vast majority of people want to get along with others. But they may have learned along the way that people in their lives can’t be trusted, or, aren’t reliable, or, love only when they are high achievers, or they have to fight for attention, or…fill in your own blank.  So they have ways they interact that don’t always mesh with other people.

For me, I’m going to choose to stay curious. To wonder. And to know that, deep down, we’re all just people. People created perfectly by God who have been through life.  Try it. Be curious…I believe it will change your relationships.

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Just be…

View More: http://mercarty.pass.us/lisa_kirbyIt seems so simple. Just be. What amazes me is how much I have to work at it! Spending time with family, I watch my nieces and nephews play effortlessly. They easily live in the land of make believe, or simply the land of “make the best,” with their circumstances. Sand at the lake transforms into a moat, or rowing around in a circle in a raft can provide entertainment for days. They find joy and happiness in every day, and I’m fairly certain they don’t wake up and think, I’m choosing to be happy today.

But I do.

I’ve been told for years that I’m too serious. I think all the responsibility I had as a kid and then took on for myself was the identity I gravitated to. And if I wasn’t responsible, I was failing, or a disappointment. That was my story. Responsibility is serious stuff. Over time, any light heartedness I had was replaced by focus on taking care of business. But I’d periodically get comments from friends and family that made me think.

You need to lighten up…

You’re so serious…

You seem angry…

And one that basically comes down to me having RBF (not to offend, but that describes it best!)

I tried to be happy, but it didn’t come naturally. It was misplaced in things like food, order, accomplishment, but those things were just substitutes for true happiness.

So a little over a year ago I started make efforts to be happy. Just saying that seems a little sad, should it really require effort? Anyways, for me, maybe for you, it did. I really didn’t know what made me happy, what brought me joy. I started seeking it, trying on new things trying to figure it out. My word for the year in 2016 was “choose happy.” If I was going to do it, I was going to be responsible about it.

Part of being happy involved letting go of what I perceived as being responsible. My house didn’t need to be spotless every moment. Don’t bring your white glove to my house. Slowing down. Not feeling like I needed to get everything done in a day. Knowing I could just sit, write, paint, read. I found those things made me happy.

And that started to fill me up. It was a process but over time I started to let go of how I thought I should be and started to simply be. And happiness came with it.

The first part in all of this was realizing what I was lacking, and the impact it had on me and  relationships with people I cared about. I didn’t want that. I wanted to have deep, fulfilling relationships.

What is that for you? Is there an area in your life where you’re trying to fill a need you have? Where your relationships are falling short because something holds you back. Are you filling that space with substitutes instead of the real thing?

If you are, my challenge to you today is two-fold. Think about that gap, that feeling, or way of being that you want, or that’s missing. How are you filling it today? There are good reasons why you’ve gotten there, you’ve developed ways of being because they worked for you.

But to have a different way? To let go of the substitutes? That’s a choice. Choose today to be…whatever it is for you. Happy. Joyful. Engaged. Worthy.

And take a step in that direction. Let go of any negative reasons that might keep you stuck there and choose one thing, just one thing today that will move you closer to where you want to be. That will move you forward. Your life is waiting for you to step into it. Be brave.