Christmas Archives - Be Brave Coaching

December 9, 2018

Preparing for Christmas

Christmas Prep Over Thanksgiving, I was visiting family in Florida and over the weekend, we started the process of decorating the house. More like, it was our job to bring the decorations and tree up from downstairs in preparation for my stepmother’s decorating extravaganza. By the time she’s done, the house will be photo shoot ready – Christmas coming out of every nook and cranny in an explosion of holiday cheer. H Her decorations are elaborate and worthy of many Pinterest holiday inspiration posts.

And then there’s my house. For the past few years, if I get a tree up at all, it’s a miracle. I want to, but then I don’t, and I procrastinate. But this year, I am patting myself on the back that my Christmas tree is up and decorated earlier than ever. The house is getting close to done, yet…not Christmas home tour worthy, the tree is up, lights are on the outside of the house (thanks to my hubby), and there’s only a small explosion of decorations lying in my living room. I already have Christmas cards in the mail and most of my shopping done. I’m honestly not quite sure how I made so much progress so early. I must be missing something…

We often get so caught up in decorating, and parties, and the cookies, oh…the cookies, that we lose sight that Christmas is a time to come together as families. One of the challenges that comes with adulting is splitting up time so that you can spend the maximum time with the maximum number of people. This is not a new challenge for me. My parents split up when I was young and hence I began the balancing act at holidays.

All in all, we balanced the holidays well, but it always involved a back and forth. Now that I’m a grown adult, with full grown adult children, the balance becomes like a Jenga game. I will say that their father and I have navigated sharing the kids on the holidays well, but what would they say? One of my boys is not a fan of the juggle. I get it. In an ideal world, it would be easier if everyone were in one spot, at least one city. But even when they are, there’s still a mad dash. Breakfast here, dinner there…if we’re not careful we start to lose the point.

Which is connection. Maybe a different way to look at where you spend your holiday time is, who do you want to connect with? Do you want Christmas to be a logistical nightmare, or do you want to connect to your people. For some of us, that’ll be family, for others, it’ll be close friends. Whoever it is, the connection is what matters. Not having a perfectly decorated house or making an amazing meal – although food is always a plus – it’s about the time spent together.

Who will you connect with this Christmas? How can you make a choice to dial down the crazy in exchange for peace and heart connections? Will you create your own traditions that create peaceful celebrations and a time to reflect on why we celebrate Christmas in the first place, Jesus. Because if you could ask Him, I’m certain He would want us to have connection and love for each other this Christmas. If we focus on that, the rest of the details will fall into place.

December 24, 2017

Both Feet In

Step in yourself It’s the day before Christmas, and I’m thinking about celebrating the birth of Christ. But I’m also thinking about life. Where I am today, where I’ve been and where I’m headed. I think that’s fairly normal with New Year’s right around the corner. Although I’m working on breaking this habit, I have a tendency to look at the mold I think I was formed to fit within, and compare myself to that. The expectations, the Pinterest board of everything I should be doing.

Consider Christmas. I love having my family with me. This year, I had my husband (of course), both of my adulting children, my mom and stepdad. We celebrate Christmas whenever we can get all of us together, which was this weekend. True to form, I planned out dinner, games, present time…I cooked, wrapped, cleaned…you know, basically exhausted myself. Who asked me to do that? No one! So what’s up with that??

I’m getting to my point…just stick with me.

Here’s what went down in my head throughout our celebration. I was an observer. I spend time making sure everyone was having a good time. I was in the fun, but always had one foot out because I was making sure people were fed, had drinks, and all that jazz. I think this is the female brain with traditional programming. In my case, I try, but can’t quite let myself be fully in because there’s so much to do.

I hold back. Somewhat afraid, I think, to really let go and just be in the moment. To step into the flow. It’s years of oldest child programming…if you are one, like me, you know what I’m talking about. So…much…responsibility. You get it.

Deep breath.

In this midst of all this, I saw this Brian Andres painting/quote and it stopped me. It rolled around in my head and brought me back to the journey I’ve been on for all of 2017. To just be. To step into myself, to love myself just as I am, and to do that not because of what I do, but because of who I am. Put achievements aside and just love the person.

What is that so hard??? Why do I fall back into the mode of performing so easily? Because the truth of it is that it takes away from relaxing into the person I am. I think Brian Andres has it right when he says,

“…You may not even notice how quickly you forget all the years you spend being afraid of exactly this.” That’s where I am. Asking myself what I’m afraid of that keeps me from being exactly who God created me to be. Stepping into living his purpose, which includes, for one, enjoying and being with my family.

What does all that mean for me? If you’re on this journey too, what does it mean for you? What is it that tugs at your heart, makes it flutter, brings you joy? That thing that we always tell…I’ll do that tomorrow. I’ll do it when… Why not today?

I don’t think it’s about resolutions. It’s about embracing your true self. The self God created you to be. The joy and ease that comes with it will be amazing. You still have time. As you celebrate Christmas with your family, whatever your family looks like, truly be there. Step in with both feet. People will still get fed. Dishes will get done. Gifts will get wrapped, or maybe they won’t – that’s why we have bags, stick it in, no one will really care. Christmas is about celebrating Christ’s birth and doing that with our families. The family you are a part of, not a bystander to. Let go of expectation and just be with those you love. To be your true self is brave, it’s the person you were made to be. We get to wake up each day and choose to step into that person. Together.

Love to you this Christmas my friends.

December 10, 2017

To decorate or not decorate?

Christmas is 15 days away and I haven’t decorated my house yet. By not decorated, I mean not…one…little…bit. No garland, no wreath, no lights, nothing, nada. And I celebrate Christmas. It’s not like I’m a non-celebrater. I will be celebrating Christ’s birth. So why is it I’m feeling like a bad person for not decorating?

Once again…it’s other people. No one in particular, just the sense that the rest of my family, friends, my neighborhood, even the Starbucks where I’m sitting to write this, are all in. The “story” I tell myself is that I’m lazy, not a good person for not decorating. Any good Christmas celebrating person would have the boughs of holly, decked the halls and the tree and be singing silent night so many times they’re doing it in their sleep.

Do you see it? It’s the the story in my head creeping up again. Everyone is doing it. If you’re not doing it, you’re lazy, you must not really celebrate Christmas. But that’s not the truth. Instead, it’s an unsuspecting way that we can beat ourselves down. I’ve talked about it before, the way that looking at the world, at “what everyone else is doing,” creates negative messages that invade our minds. My frequent loop is about my body, but those messages come through in many different ways. It could be about your body, your role as a wife, your parenting, your career…really, it’s those messages that start with “should,” and leave a train wreck of emotions leading us to feeling like we’re less of a person for whatever it is we’re not doing.

I’d like to be able to suggest an easy way out of this loop, but there isn’t one. Instead, it takes practice, just like anything else. It takes sitting in the space where you are and looking at the truth instead of those messages in your head. This is a time of the year when there are a lot of pressures to be “all that” to everyone. Buy the gifts, send the cards, decorate the house, plan and prepare a great meal, all while keeping up your daily life, basically be “all that and a bag of chips.” The impossible standard I say, at least impossible if you want to maintain your sanity and enjoy the reason we celebrate Christmas.

What would it look like if spent time thinking about what is really important to you and your most important relationships this Christmas season? Choose to do what is important, what holds meaning for you. Maybe it is decorating, but it may be spending time with people you love. Or it could be serving other people, showing them love. Maybe it really is decorating and if it is, that’s awesome! Honestly, I’ll probably decorate too, but I want it to match what I’m feeling on the inside, creating space to truly celebrate and love on my husband, children and family.

Will you take a minute to look at the path you’re on and consider if you’re going to arrive at Christmas frazzled and exhausted? If you are, consider making a shift in the path your on so that you will wake up on Christmas morning rested, thankful and ready to enjoy celebrating Christ’s birth. Going against what “everyone,” is doing isn’t always easy – especially in our minds – but choosing a purposeful path is authentic, it’s brave. And so are you.