Courage Archives - Page 5 of 9

February 11, 2018

Let’s talk emotions

love-is-a-thousand-emotions-joined-tgether-as-one With Valentine’s day approaching, it seems like a great time to talk about emotions. I’m currently taking Brene Brown’s “Brave Leaders” course online and it is amazing in so many ways. I’m currently in a deep dive in courage which involves exploring how we show up in life. Is it with vulnerability, with empathy? It’s a fascinating course, and I love Brene Brown so….there’s that.

But, loving this course doesn’t mean it’s a walk in the park. As is the bulk of Brene’s work, it’s valuable to the degree you dig in, look at more than the easy response. You have to take a deep breath and get ready because often times what you discover has more than a lingering impact.

That’s what happened to me this week. There was an exercise on “emotional literacy” to help you understand emotions you experience and what it looks like when you’re moving through that emotion. Often times, what other people experience when you’re in that space is only the surface emotion, and there is a whole lot more going on underneath the surface.

I’ll let you play along…abbreviated version…just for fun. Read this list of emotions. Which ones can you recognize and describe as you’re experiencing them.

Anxious Belonging Blame Curious Disappointed Excited Embarrassment Fear Frustrated Gratitude Guilt Happy Hurt Joy Judgement Love Overwhelmed Shame Vulnerability

Maybe you circled the ones you can identify with, that you know when you’re in that emotion. Look at your words again. Notice any pattern? Here’s what I noticed that smacked me in the face. The bulk of emotions I could identify with were what I would label as negative (and the list was twice as long).

So I looked at the list again, I must have missed some positive emotions. Nope. Being honest and truthful with myself there were more negative emotions I could identify with than positive.

That realization really made me go inside my head. If I’m honest with myself, my words were not a surprise to me. I’m a fairly serious person by nature. I’m working on lightening up, and there are moments of it, but I’ve been called serious more than once. But looking at the list as seeing more negative emotions, fear-based emotions, caused me to pause. Maybe you felt the something similar?

Instead of spiraling into a shame storm of, I’m not a good person, I made a choice. That choice was to identify the root of those emotions.

In my mind, looking at the root goes back a long ways. And I don’t look at the root to place blame, but to understand it, and to move through it. Because here’s the deal. Those emotions might show up, but they shouldn’t be what comes up the majority of the time. They are coming from a place of fear, even if that fear is only subconscious, but it’s fear nonetheless.

I choose to come from a place of love. To consciously view situations from a place of love. That doesn’t mean I don’t experience other emotions, like hurt, at times, but I can choose to shift the lens of how I view my situation so I don’t stay in that space.

How about you? I’m not gonna lie, this is not easy work. But it’s oh so valuable. It’s part of being an authentic version of myself. It’s being brave. My encouragement to you is to think about emotions you recognize…and pause. Reflect on where they come from. It’s up to you to make the choice of how you want to experience a situation, the story you want to tell yourself about it. As for me, my journey is to change my lens to love. Myself, and others, it’s what God would call us to do. Love others. Don’t wait to figure it all out, start…right…now! Be brave my friends.

February 4, 2018

The battle inside

Authenticity-Quote-2 I’ve been thinking lately about the changes we go through in life, namely, menopause. Well, maybe not menopause itself, but this process my female body is going through as I transition in life to something else, something unknown. For me, it started years ago, the hot flashes, the moods, all that jazz. Now I’m in a new phase – the done phase – but there are other things that come with that, some of which I’m none to pleased about. I keep looking for the answer, the fix. The solution that will make what I’m experiencing stop.

But here’s the thing I’m realizing. It’s not going to stop. There is no magic pill but nonetheless I’ve spent an awful lot of time and energy looking for the solution. What I’m starting to realize is, all that stuff I’m experiencing? It’s part of the deal. The female body is meant to be in this phase. As I’ve said before, I grew two humans with my body, my body has done amazing things, but now it’s done with that and on to supporting me in different experiences in life. The a-ha I had the other day was that I’ve been fighting, resisting this process that is natural. I’m not fighting because I’m afraid of it, at least I don’t think so. But because my view of the ideal, the way I think I should look and feel, is not what I’m experiencing. So there’s this internal battle constantly waging within me. It’s the battle I’m fighting.

In all honesty, it’s part of self-acceptance. Of accepting my body the way it’s supposed to be in this phase of life. Of loving it instead of wanting parts of it to ‘get with the program.’ The longer I stay in opposition with myself, is that much less I can actually enjoy what ahead for me in this stage.

So as my mind does, it spun the idea that I may be fighting with myself into other areas of life. Think about it. Maybe it’s that feeling that you are just short of fulfilling your purpose. But for whatever reason, it’s just at the end of your fingertips. There is always something that holds you back. Truth is, I’m starting to wonder if that something is you, or in my case, me. I have ambitions that I’ll stop short of because I fight myself on it. I find the excuses. Excuses that are really just a mask for fear.

It’s that way in relationships at times. The desire to go deeper is there. It’s so real that you can almost touch it. Almost. But you don’t. You keep creating circumstances that stop you just short of going deep, or true connection. Why are you doing that???

The fight, I think, is somewhat to maintain the status quo. The reality that I’ve created for myself. The changes in life, the progression of my body, stepping into my purpose, my calling, they rock the boat. I fight to keep things as they are, not because I necessarily like the status quo, but I know it. The harder I fight, the more I hold on to the very thing that I’m supposed to be moving through, moving past. Experiences I’m naturally designed and destined to move through – or move into. There is no magic that’s going to get me there. It’s only by allowing myself to stop fighting and to embrace, to relax into it, to love the journey.

So, I ask you, what are you fighting? What battle can you lay down? What can you do today to embrace you and all the joy God has for you? Today, not tomorrow. We’ve waited long enough. Be authentic, be brave.

January 28, 2018

Let’s talk addiction…well sort of

View More: http://mercarty.pass.us/lisa_kirby Yes, I said addiction, and I’m not going to be talking about alcohol, or drugs. Yes, those can be addictions, absolutely. What I want to talk about are those behaviors, habits, patterns, that we’re addicted to, maybe not even consciously, that continue to create issues in our lives. That keep us away from being our true authentic self, but which we do anyways.

If you think about an addiction, it usually is based on the feeling that you get when you engage in the behavior. It’s the feeling that you crave, that you repeat over and over. Robert Palmer sang about being “Addicted to Love.” If you take it literally, it was probably the addiction to the endorphin rush that comes with being with someone you love. Those feelings of safety, and peace, and belonging.

But what about when the addiction is not so benign? Lately I’ve been thinking about that question related to my own behaviors. I’ve noticed that I tend to get fired up about taking an action, a class, to embark on a shift in the way I do certain aspects of life. I have all types of plans swirling around in my head. I’ll take notes, I’ll start plans…and somewhere along the way, I’ll end up leaving a pile of dreams on the side of the road. I’ll be frustrated for a while, trying unsuccessfully to restart the fire. Usually that’s followed by a period of apathy. Don’t care. Don’t need to be growing. Abandon the creative passions that bring me energy. Slowly giving away my purpose.

I don’t like it.

But…I know it.

This week, I started questioning myself about it. Why is it that I allow myself to go through this cycle? There have been times when I push through it, absolutely. Last year I went through my 6-month coaching program. Nailed it. Loved it. Came out ready to set the world on fire. But I stopped feeding the dream and eventually it faded. And I have to wonder, is it part of an addiction? What’s the feeling inside me that comes up when I let a dream die? Easy answer. It’s disappointment in myself. It’s the voice in my head saying “of course you didn’t do it, it wasn’t important, you overreached…again…you’re not meant for anything big…anything exciting…not worth it.” It’s an ugly voice, but I recognize it, I know what to do when it comes up. I slow down. I settle.

That feeling that comes up, that disappointment, in myself, or that I perceive others have in me, it didn’t develop yesterday. Not a mid-life crisis thing. No, I’m sure it’s been buried in me for years. So I call it an addiction, but is it? Maybe. It’s a pattern. I don’t seek the feeling but know what to do with it. It keeps me small, safe in a way because I become hesitant to take risks.

I want to call B.S. on it. I want to find a different feeling. One that is healthier. One that is growing. These are choices we have. We can choose to follow the same pattern, same feeling we’re addicted to, or we can take different actions. And that probably won’t be comfortable, it’ll be new, maybe scary. But to be our authentic selves, for me to be my authentic self, I have to make different choices. I’m asking you today to think about what feeling you’re ready to give up, need to give up. Identify it and know that you can start behaving differently today. You don’t need that feeling anymore. I’m walking it out with you and know that we can do it, we can be brave, together.

January 21, 2018

What’s holding you back?

Its-Not-Who-You-Are-That-Holds-You-Back I watch This is Us. If you don’t, your missing up on some good drama. A tug at your heart every week, sometimes for unexpected reasons. There are elements of the show, in each of the characters, I relate to. This week I was left thinking about one of the scenes that really spoke to me. So this is your spoiler alert, I’m going to talk about it.

Kate, one of the main characters, is morbidly obese and one of the storylines is around her struggle and wanting to lose weight. The story is told is current day and in flashbacks. This week they showed Kate in a flashback at about 16/17 years old. She was shopping for a prom dress and had the number 7 written on her wrist. As she recalled this story, you saw her grab a variety sizes and when she tried the 7 on, it fit perfectly. But she had struggled with weight her whole life. And having a piece of clothing she really wanted fit was an experience she didn’t know how to have. Instead, she tried on a size 3 dress that was far to small, and the sensation of it not fitting, of having to struggle, was one she could relate to. She left that dressing room presumably disgusted with herself, no dress in hand.

It made me wonder how often that happens, whether it be about weight, or about some other piece of ourselves that we work diligently to change, but when it does, we don’t feel equipped, or prepared, to give up our old reality, old definitions of ourselves, and step into our new way of being. I know I’ve struggled with weight and body image a long time and for me to be in a space where I’m friends with myself, with my body, seems to be fleeting. I may not like it, but I’m a lot more comfortable in the space of not liking myself, of how I look.

And I don’t like that I do that, that I stay in that negative image space. I’ve been working long and hard to make progress on it, and I think I’m making strides. From not being fixated about a number on the scale (which I no longer own,) to ignoring the number on my pants.

How do we stay there? How do we embrace the new space we want to be in when our old space…old worn out space…is so comfy, so cozy, so inviting. The new space might feel intimidating. You don’t have all of your ways of operating figured out in this new space. It’s not as comfortable. Here’s what I’d tell you. That’s not a bad thing. It takes risk. It take realizing that you may have been created “for such a time as this,” (Esther 4:14). What aspect of your life, what calling, what purpose, are you holding back from out of fear, out of leaving the shore…leaving the cozy. If you want to make strides toward being authentic, to being the best you, it takes being brave. I, for one, think we can do it. I’m in your corner and can’t wait to see where it leads us.

January 14, 2018

The show must go on

The words on the front of the memorabilia shirt I got from the Celine Dion concert we went to a couple weeks ago. In a way, those words are a good catch phrase for my life. Not the end all be all phrase, but a good one. You see, I persevere. I’m a soldier, tough cookie. I can be a daisy, but when push comes to shove, I march forward. Think about it, when you see an obstacle, does it stop you, or do you go MacGyver on it and figure out not only a way around but re-engineer it so it’s now an advantage to you? Yeah, I’m usually MacGyver. I take pride in making opportunities out of challenges. It’s the soldier thing.

I remember a time when I was probably 15 and my mom and stepdad took us kids on a backpacking trip. Being a teenager filled with angst, I was having none of it. I bitterly marched on, stone faced, determined not to have fun. After reaching the campsite and dropping our gear, we decided to go up to Summit Lake. A lake, in hindsight, that was beautiful. It sits at the border of the Hoover Wilderness and Yosemite. Along the way we had to cross what I think was a beaver dam across a river. As I went across, my left leg, prosthetic and all, went through the dam, up to my thigh in ice cold water.

Oh really beaver? Game on…

I pulled my leg out and with complete resolve went the rest of the way to Summit Lake. Beaver be dammed (pun not so much intended, but oh so convenient). I wanted no help, nada. The show must go on. I can actually still remember the route to that lake in my head. I think I’d enjoy it a lot more now since nature is my jam, but then? I was a soldier.

So this week, I’ve had an illness trying to get hold of me. True to form, I marched forward. No, I’m not sick…kept going to work…sure I could beat it. Not going to get me down, until I had no choice. I took a death spiral Friday afternoon and all-day Saturday to the point where I started to get a little worried. Fever, coughing, not able to breathe…and worst of all, no appetite. I’m one of those people who never loses their appetite so I knew something must be wrong. It got to the point where when my husband suggested taking me to urgent care late in the day, I agreed. And sure enough, bronchitis. Good thing is I got on drugs and should be getting to the other side soon.

But this really isn’t about my illness, it’s about that mindset. At some point, I’ve realized that perseverance is good. Hard headedness is not. Self-compassion? It’s a strength. Truth is, I need to ask myself, what are you trying to prove? And more importantly, to who? What is it in me that has a hard time admitting frailty, with being seen as anything other than strong and one tough cookie?

The challenge is, I’ve been seen as this person for so long, it’s how people know me. So there’s a small voice in me that questions if they’d still like me if I actually showed the weakness when it arises. When the mask comes off. It’s not that the soldier isn’t part of who I am, but it’s part of authenticity. The authentic me gets sick sometimes. Isn’t always strong. Needs to be carried rather than doing the carrying at times. Authenticity leans on being brave to be self-compassionate, and lets others see all the parts. It’s part of the journey my friends and if it resonates with you, I encourage you to think about what mask you could put down today. I’m walking right along with you.

January 7, 2018

Why not be whimsical?

This week was the rescheduled trip to Vegas my husband and I planned for October – my 50^th birthday trip! Birthday aside, the main reason we went to Vegas, because, honestly, I couldn’t care less about Vegas, was to see my diva singer favorite Celine Dion. I’ve always liked her because of her ballad belting voice. I mean, seriously, who does not want to sing along with her?? (and if you are one of those people – how are we friends? – kidding – but seriously, don’t tell me, our friendship will be tainted).

The big night was Tuesday and I was ready, finally letting the excitement build. When we got inside to our awesome seats – my husband rocked the seat selection – I quickly ascertained that we were surrounded by “my people.” 50ish women and their husbands, some of whom I suspect were there willingly, and others along for the ride. I loved the automatic connection I felt with these die-hard fans, and I’m sure that’s what they were because Celine a) is not a cheap ticket, b) is not someone you’d generally see on a whim.

She was everything I’d hoped and more! I felt like our grandkids watching Moana – mouthing every single lyric – that was me with Celine. As we wound down to the end, I noticed people heading towards the front, taking pictures, selfies…what the heck??? This had not been the case earlier in the show, we were seat stay-ers…not venturing out. I told my husband that I thought I wanted to go down there too and he told me to go for it. The only way I can describe myself when I got there was like a giddy teenage girl. Not kidding. Trying to get a selfie with her – not quite getting the angle right to get her and me in the same picture. Violating rules and taking video. Singing out loud at this point. And when she came over, yes, my hand was stretched out and she touched it…I call it a “shook my hand” but really it would be better described as a brushing of our fingers.

The point is, I was silly, and loose, and going outside of my normal comfort zone. I was letting whimsy take me away, and I loved it. Why is that so hard for me on a regular basis? Me on a regular day is fairly straight laced. Start singing a song out loud in public? I think not. Reaching out to touch the star? heavens no – I’m much more reserved. Ok, I’ll say it…reserved to the point of dull, at times.

I was thinking about this as the week wore on and wondering how I could mix things up for myself on a regular basis. How could all of us who are similarly afflicted with the serious gene mix things up? Because as life is now, we go through it making sure to color within the lines, and while that’s responsible, it’s not where most of the fun is, where the joy and excitement in life is.

So today I took a baby step. I was cleaning the house and I put on headphones, dialed in the Celine station of Spotify, and rocked it. Two hours of singing along as I cleaned. It was relaxing, it brought a little joy to an otherwise boring task, and I didn’t worry about how I sounded. My husband later told me he loved hearing me singing as I cleaned. Made him love me more. Surprise there for me. My voice is not particularly melodic so I figured he must really love me for that to be true.

What would it take to live with whimsy more often? To follow our instincts? To show up authentically in situations instead of how we “should” show up? I for one am willing to try. What’s the worst that could happen, I look silly? So what. I don’t really care about looking silly. I’m hoping that my reserved sisters will join in, let’s be whimsical, we can do it, we’re brave!

December 10, 2017

To decorate or not decorate?

Christmas is 15 days away and I haven’t decorated my house yet. By not decorated, I mean not…one…little…bit. No garland, no wreath, no lights, nothing, nada. And I celebrate Christmas. It’s not like I’m a non-celebrater. I will be celebrating Christ’s birth. So why is it I’m feeling like a bad person for not decorating?

Once again…it’s other people. No one in particular, just the sense that the rest of my family, friends, my neighborhood, even the Starbucks where I’m sitting to write this, are all in. The “story” I tell myself is that I’m lazy, not a good person for not decorating. Any good Christmas celebrating person would have the boughs of holly, decked the halls and the tree and be singing silent night so many times they’re doing it in their sleep.

Do you see it? It’s the the story in my head creeping up again. Everyone is doing it. If you’re not doing it, you’re lazy, you must not really celebrate Christmas. But that’s not the truth. Instead, it’s an unsuspecting way that we can beat ourselves down. I’ve talked about it before, the way that looking at the world, at “what everyone else is doing,” creates negative messages that invade our minds. My frequent loop is about my body, but those messages come through in many different ways. It could be about your body, your role as a wife, your parenting, your career…really, it’s those messages that start with “should,” and leave a train wreck of emotions leading us to feeling like we’re less of a person for whatever it is we’re not doing.

I’d like to be able to suggest an easy way out of this loop, but there isn’t one. Instead, it takes practice, just like anything else. It takes sitting in the space where you are and looking at the truth instead of those messages in your head. This is a time of the year when there are a lot of pressures to be “all that” to everyone. Buy the gifts, send the cards, decorate the house, plan and prepare a great meal, all while keeping up your daily life, basically be “all that and a bag of chips.” The impossible standard I say, at least impossible if you want to maintain your sanity and enjoy the reason we celebrate Christmas.

What would it look like if spent time thinking about what is really important to you and your most important relationships this Christmas season? Choose to do what is important, what holds meaning for you. Maybe it is decorating, but it may be spending time with people you love. Or it could be serving other people, showing them love. Maybe it really is decorating and if it is, that’s awesome! Honestly, I’ll probably decorate too, but I want it to match what I’m feeling on the inside, creating space to truly celebrate and love on my husband, children and family.

Will you take a minute to look at the path you’re on and consider if you’re going to arrive at Christmas frazzled and exhausted? If you are, consider making a shift in the path your on so that you will wake up on Christmas morning rested, thankful and ready to enjoy celebrating Christ’s birth. Going against what “everyone,” is doing isn’t always easy – especially in our minds – but choosing a purposeful path is authentic, it’s brave. And so are you.

December 3, 2017

Shame is not welcome here

Beautifully broken Over Thanksgiving, we traveled to Florida to spend time with my side of the family. They are a wonderful, fun, crazy at times, group and we had an awesome time. It was a holiday, so it only made sense to bring a couple pieces of my nicer jewelry with me, including a bracelet with enormous sentimental value. Because of their value, I wore them on the plane both directions…I didn’t want them to get lost or taken from my luggage. Makes sense, right?

On the way home, we had an early flight and I took a little snooze when we got on the plane. Once I woke up, I settled in to watch The Proposal, which I honestly could watch 100 times. I love it and laugh every time. I casually reached down to feel my bracelet on my wrist…and felt…nothing.

The blood drained from my face as I started feeling more frantically and quickly realized it wasn’t there. I started shaking, thinking I might be sick, and panicked, I mean, really panicked. “I don’t know what to do,” is all I could say, over and over. I knew I’d double checked the clasp that morning. As I started to search, it was as though someone pushed play on the shame tape in my mind.

You don’t deserve nice things.

You can’t be trusted with nice things.

You’re not worth it.

You have disappointed your parents (who gave me the bracelet)

Over and over…

At the same time, I tried to override those thoughts, telling myself, “it’s just a thing,” but the voice in my head screamed that it was not.

I prayed, God please let me see where it is, let me focus.

Nothing. Still feeling sick, having torn apart my area in the middle seat, going through my bag, having my husband go through the bag, and my son for good measure, nothing. With nothing else to do, I returned to The Proposal, and wasn’t able to laugh at all the scenes I normally would, well, except one. Who wouldn’t laugh when they accidentally walk into each other, naked, and flip out. Again, funny every time.

About an hour before the flight ended, the window seat guy got up and I searched that area, nothing. My husband pulled his seat cushion off all the way and even though I’d felt behind mine, I did the same. And lying on a thin metal strip beneath the cushions, was my bracelet. It had broken. After thanking God for revealing it, I felt a flood of stress leave my body.

I thought then and think now about my initial reaction, shame storm that erupted in my head, louder than ever. Not the first time I’d heard those words in my mind and they started very quickly. Far more accessible than I would have thought. In coaching, we call that the gremlin voice. The voice that keeps you small, that plays on your fear, or things you’ve come to believe, that develops over the years. I thought I’d worked through it, but apparently not entirely. The truth is, some of those messages shape how I live my life today. I don’t feel comfortable buying many nice things, I don’t feel worth it. Disappointing anyone is a nightmare to me.

Sitting there on that plane, the voice made me feel stupid, careless, like I’d done something wrong.

But I hadn’t, and I wasn’t. Even if it had gotten lost, though I would have felt sick, it didn’t mean I was stupid, or that I couldn’t be trusted with nice things, or was a bad person. It just meant it had gotten lost, I would have still been sad, but not worthless.

How do we get to that truth in the middle of the megaphone blast in our heads? That is the trick. Prayer, breathing, telling yourself the truth. Knowing that a mistake doesn’t make us a bad person, doesn’t define our worth. Knowing that I am not alone, particularly among women, in going to this dark place at times makes me want to embrace others with these words of truth.

You are worthy

You deserve happiness and joy – and nice things

You are not a disappointment

Believe it my friend. Stop the shame tape, it is not true. You are beautiful, you are loved and you are brave.

November 26, 2017

Authenticity – Sharing the real you

I had a conversation with a group of friends the other day about a struggle one was having with infertility. One of the things we talked about was how alone she felt. How nobody really talks about the struggle and how difficult it is. This led us to talking about another who experienced post-partum depression. I, of course, talked about the joys menopause. All female struggles, but significant in their own right.

The conversation wasn’t one of complaining, but of acknowledgement that nearly every one of us has “stuff.” And while we’re a small slice of the population, I believe we’re fairly representative. People going through life looking normal on the outside (whatever that is), but who have stuff. But we don’t talk about it…and sometimes we need to. Believing that we have shared stories, shared aspects of our lives, creates a feeling of belonging, which we all desire, whether we admit it or not. Lone wolfs are may be that way by choice, but I believe that choice may be the result of hurt and fear from past experiences exposing themselves to others. Or of pain from what happened when they were open and vulnerable.

So why do we hide our struggles? Sometimes it’s because we don’t want to be seen as complaining. Seeking mutual support isn’t complaining, it’s human. We are designed to come together and support each other. Staying silent, alone…we’re not meant to live that way. When we’re isolated that’s when struggle really begins. We feel alone when in fact there are others, likely others within our own peer group, who are faced with the same thing. And whatever we’re feeling is more difficult alone.

When we are open about what we’re going through, when we take that step, and connect with people who are like us, it normalizes our struggle. It helps us to see that we’re not alone. We’re part of a larger community, one who helps us with what we’re going through. It can be scary to take that step, but it’s no critical, and so worth it.

So at this time of year when we come together with family, think about who you need to come together with to share those hidden areas of your life. Yep, I get that could be the scary step, it involves exposing yourself to someone else. But the reward can be so great, like air after holding your breath. Having others to share your struggle won’t make it go away, but it will help you realize you’re not alone.

And you’ll be doing the same for someone else. Someone who equally needs support and who will be thankful for you. In the end, you may find the gift you give someone else through sharing is greater than you could imagine.

It starts with taking the first step. Are in you in? I believe in you and you are not alone. Be brave today.

November 12, 2017

Thoughts on authenticity

authenticity Lately I’ve been thinking about what it means to me to be authentic. Through the years, I believe I’ve been a lot of different things. I’ve had the drive to be successful in business and I’ve taken a step back in my career. I’ve been a good mom, likely a questionable mom at times too. A daughter, a wife. A cyclist, a swimmer. A girl who loves clothes, and fashion, and shoes. I’ve been a lot of other things too, I’m sure. But through all of that, to some degree, I was being who I was “supposed” to be.

You see, it was all a front. Choosing to show up and behave, perform, exist like I thought I was supposed to. And that can be a lot different than what my inside was telling me to be. That place deep inside me that whispers, the one that tells me to be brave. Yet a lot of the time, it’s easier to show up like I’m supposed to than how I’m really feeling, fly under the radar. Those times maybe I was a questionable mom, for example? Most likely was when I showed up more like what I felt like on the inside, not what the world was telling me to be, questionable to the world, but not to me.

We all do it, I think. Put on a persona that helps us get along in the world. And yet, somewhere along the way, if we’re not careful, we start to lose track of who we are and what’s really important to us. We lose our grasp on our authentic selves. And think about this…when we’re showing up in a way that’s not the real us, the people around us, they come to know and love that person…the one that’s not really who we are! That is a tragedy.

But when asked who we really are, who is our true, authentic self, we sometimes don’t know. We’ve spent so much time doing, performing according to what other’s expect (or what we think they expect) that we can’t really identify who we are.

I’ve been working on having my outside actions match my inside thoughts and it’s been a process. As any of you who read my blog know, it’s required pushing myself to challenge what I know and look for different answers. Truer, authentic answers. I’ve done that in a lot of areas, but one that’s lagged behind is my home. I’d like to say it represents me, but it doesn’t. It only represents snippets of me. It’s like I have decorated with reminders of who I want to be, but without the boldness of who I know I am. I haven’t allowed myself to fully step into who I am at home. My designer friend described it by saying it’s like I decorated a dorm room, sort of. Don’t have crazy thoughts, no band posters or memorabilia from my adventures, but I’ve played small. And as soon as she said that, it clicked for me and I knew it was true. I love my house, but have not really felt like it was pulled together in a way that matched me. It wasn’t authentic and that made it not as comfortable as I’d like it to be.

But that’s going to change, we’re going to work on it. Though I know that’s not the only area to be authentic. Most important is being authentic in my relationships, with my husband, my children, my family and friends. It’s that idea of letting my outside match my inside. It requires challenging myself to be true and honest with who I am, what I believe, and letting that be the person I share with the world. It requires being brave.

Is there any area of your life where you could be more authentic? Where your inside doesn’t match your outside? You only have to answer that question for yourself, but if that’s true, what are you going to do about it? Life is too short, relationships too important, to let them be less than authentic. Take the step with me towards living for who you truly are, being stronger, living out loud. I know you have it inside you. Be brave.