Category: Keep Going

I gave away my scale this week. Unceremoniously taking it to Goodwill and saying goodbye.  Big deal you might be saying. I get that. Let me give you a little backstory.

I’ve always looked at other women who I think are thin with envy. For the last probably 35+ years of my life, every…single…morning the first thing I had to check on was my weight. Was it ‘good’? If it was good, then so was my day. If it wasn’t, that’s how my day started, frustrated, annoyed with myself. My internal voice was on overdrive. I ate too much. I didn’t exercise enough. Today I would do better.  On what I considered to be a good day, I was elated, quickly replaced by trying to replicate everything I did the day before so I could be good again tomorrow.

During the day, every time I ate was an opportunity to determine if I was doing good, if I was making the right choices. If I ate a cookie, I’d pray that I wouldn’t see the impact the next morning. Nothing was eaten without having weighed out the consequence in my mind. I had my ‘approved’ list of foods, ones that in some convoluted way I’d determined would not have a negative impact on the next day’s weigh in. Eating was largely a source of anxiety, judgement, by myself or others (in my mind).

And I was exhausted.

I started working with a coach because I wanted a solution to why my nearly 50 year old body felt like a magnet to weight. In reality, I’d probably been too thin and my body was getting back to where it should have been, I see that now. But then, I was frustrated and wanted the magic bullet.

So boy was I surprised when she told me to stop stepping on the scale, stop counting calories, stop weighing and measuring my food.  But how would I know how I was doing? How would I know if my weight was acceptable? The answer? My body. Look in the mirror. My body would tell me by how I felt. Uhhhhhh…that’s what my scale did. But not anymore.

In the beginning, I struggled. But it got easier. And the more time passed, the more I started to feel in touch with my body. I noticed when things I ate made me feel strong, and what I ate that didn’t. I started appreciating the way other women looked, at all shapes and sizes and really noticed when they appeared to be comfortable in their own skin. Whether they were or not, I don’t know, but they appeared that way.  And I appreciated them. As I did, I started to get more comfortable with myself.

Last week, my husband’s scale called to me one morning and I listened. And stepped on. My reaction was, huh. I didn’t get too tied up in it, but as the day went on, I found myself thinking about it, over and over, and the same mental game started again.

That did it.

Later that day, I took my scale to Goodwill and said goodbye. Forever. It was freeing and scary all at the same time, but I did it. The thing about the scale is that it was telling me what to think about myself instead of trusting my own body, my own intuition about myself.

The unfortunate part is, I know I’m not alone. The scale may not be your thing, but you may have one. That external thing that tells you how to feel about yourself, about your body, about the kind of mother, or wife, or friend you are. I’d suggest that you already know those answers. If you listen to yourself, to your intuition, you know. And you can trust that. No other person, or magazine, or scale, or whatever that thing is, knows your story, lived your story, been through your life and all that has brought you to where you are today. Only you. You are unique. And you are amazing. But you don’t have to listen to me, you already know that.

My coach launched me on my journey. If you’d like to talk to a coach about taking the journey for yourself, I’d love to work with you, that’s what the Be Brave part is all about. Helping you find your amazing self, because sometimes, you have to be brave to get there.

There was a period in my life where I rode my bike, a lot. During that time, I also had kids in junior high and high school. So being at home in the evenings with them after work was really important to me. Given there are only so many hours in the day, I chose to ride in the morning. If you back up being at work by 8ish, plus time to get ready, and the fact that I rode around 2 hours in the morning, it doesn’t take much to do the math and see that I was riding VERY early, pre-dawn, in the dark.  It’s not a big deal to ride in the dark, but you need a light so you can see, and be seen.

Off I went to my local bike shop to get a light. I looked around, found a reputable brand and bought a light, for about $30.  I felt like that was good enough, rationalized that I could afford it since money was tight.  Once I was out in the dark, it quickly became apparent that my light was weak at best. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I could see, sort of, but I was no bat.  How visible I was to cars is unknown, but I’m writing this so we know I must have been visible enough.

Round two, I decide I need a different light, more visibility, my non-bat eyes missed stuff, meaning I likely narrowly missed more than one accident.  Back to the bike shop, more money, better light. Let’s ignore the fact I had to use one of my bottle cages for the battery, it was brighter. It was more expensive, but still lower mid-range in the scheme of things. I felt like I’d done better by myself, gotten what I could afford, again, and it was good enough.

By then I was riding a lot more, climbing and descending long hills, in the dark, and only able to see about 20 feet in front of me, maybe wasn’t my greatest plan.  I made it work for a while, but after not too long, sucked it up and bought the more than $150 light. Now I could be seen by cars, my light was as bright as a car headlight, the next 200 feet were clear as day, no more near misses. Happy cyclist.

I was thinking about that decision making process.  Why didn’t I just jump to the higher end light in the first place? Most certainly I ended up spending more money along the way.  Of course that got me thinking of where else I do that in life. Where do I make short sighted decisions because they’re “good enough.” Sometimes I make those decisions because I get stuck. I see only limited choices, or I use measurements for what is “ok” that don’t really factor in everything that’s important.

Today I was in that cycle. Working with my coach on some business development ideas. Quickly it was evident that I was taking a narrow view of my options. She asked me “what if time and money weren’t an option, what would you do?” That opened up so much more. She helped me brainstorm a wide range of options that I had previously counted out, mainly because I thought, “can’t afford it.”  How often do you do that? Limit your own choices by boxing yourself in, applying narrow parameters instead of thinking outside the lines.

We can do that in many areas of life. If we believe there are limited choices, then we’ll make narrowly based decisions. Rather than seeking the huge, the awesome, the ideal, we take ok, safe, affordable. My challenge to me today, my challenge to you, is to look at decisions, look at where life is headed and ask “what if time and money weren’t a factor?”; or, more importantly “what is my heart telling me?” You might be amazed at your answer. From my own experience I can tell you, go big the first time, don’t take self-limited choices, buy the light. You’ll find so much more joy and enjoyment in the ride!