Category: Keep Going

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Trust me…

uplifted-handThe other day I was thinking about trust. Mainly, where do I put my trust, in people, or in stuff.  The idea led my brain on a twisty ride which I’m going to try and spill out. Often in relationships you’ll have conversations with the other person that stem around “do you trust me?” I tend to trust people easily. I believe what they say, I try to presume that their intentions are good, that they are kind. It’s an outward facing trust.

I also believe that I am also a trustworthy person. I am honest, if you know me, you know that I call it like I see it. I do have good intentions, I strive to be kind. The same things as I believe about other people. Again, outward facing.

The trust I’ve been thinking about is inward trust. It’s a question of who do I lean on, who do I trust when life is hard, because, be honest, for everyone there are times when life is hard. I believe, not dissimilar to many other people probably, that I hold things pretty close. Sometimes I’ll talk about how I feel, because I process out loud. But what people say, what they do, I put through my filter, my story, instead of taking their care and concern at face value. I think I hold back sometimes from trusting with my whole heart. Sound familiar?

So if I hold back trusting with my whole heart, where do I get comfort? Where do I turn when things are hard. To myself? Sometimes. That’s the whole self-reliant thing.  Helpful at times, but can also be isolating. What do I really do for comfort – full disclosure? – I call it stress shopping.  So there’s some dirty laundry. But if you’re like me, you have your go-to also. For me, again, it’s outward facing, not leaning on others.

Interestingly, as I go through this journey, I’m finding it doesn’t really bring me the comfort it used to because, honestly, it wasn’t comfort, it was distraction. Instead, I want to be able to trust that another person can comfort me, or that I could even comfort myself…show self-compassion. In thinking about this, I know I’m not alone. I know there are people out there who struggle with trusting that other people can comfort them. Who prefer to lean on stuff, on habits, on food, on distractions for comfort.

What I’m realizing is that we need people, each of us. Whether you’re self-reliant or not, we need others, and others need us, and that’s ok. That’s how God wired us. Really. He wants us to trust in Him and other people are an extension of His love. Each of us has that love inside of us, ready to share with other people. You may have a closet of comfort but I’d encourage you to try trusting in, leaning on, finding comfort and compassion in other people. I think it’s a journey worth taking, one that allows you and others to lean in, lean on, and move forward…together.

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Is time on your side?

 

running-timeTime. Is there ever enough of it? I’ve become conscious of how much energy I spend managing my time.  It’s crazy really.  I have all this stuff in my head that I absolutely must get done. I allow myself to feel stressed out about it and then spend more time figuring out how to get it done.  What I really want is to feel like I have all the time I need but that doesn’t seem to happen.

What if there was another way? If you had all the time you wanted, think about the possibilities! Right now, I’m stuck in feeling like time is something I fight against to get things done. I think the “things” dictate my day, not my decisions.  What I’d like to do is get to stop stressing about it because that just causes me more anxiety and negative energy overall.

So what’s the plan, Lisa? Good question.  First thing is to acknowledge that, in reality, there are very few things that actually “have” to get done. When I hold up the mirror, I’m looking for the personal value that’s driving my behavior. For me, I think my value of responsibility is calling the shots. Responsibility is fine when it’s used “for good not evil” as I like to say. But if the responsibility is due to a fear of what will happen if I’m not “responsible” it’s overstepped the boundary.

Back to the plan. What can I do, what can anyone do, to move to a reality where time really is “on our side,” not the common enemy?  Make a list. Yeah, super simple, not brain surgery. But one thing I’ve learned recently is that the more stuff I try to hold in my head, the less space I have for creative things, activities that bring me energy. I’m not only managing my time, I’m managing all the stuff in my head. I’ve fought lists too, but am learning that I forget and then have to spend time working backwards until I remember what I was supposed to do, or miss stuff. So step 1, lists, I can do that today.

What about this week, what can I do this week? Thanksgiving is coming up.  Lots to do, legitimately. But I can look at what needs to be done and determine if I’m actually the one who needs to do it.  My son can make mashed potatoes. The house doesn’t have to be spotless. I can let some things go. Ok, step 2, let stuff go.

Looking farther out, what else, what would be a longer term goal – the ideal goal? Keep the lists, look at the pattern of how I’m spending time. Make decisions on what needs to stay and what can go. As part of that, resist the temptation to fill the time with more “stuff.” Instead, for me, I want to build in time to “just be.” To spend time in self-care, in relationship, with friends, with family. That time? Well that’s time well spent.

I don’t think my fight against time is uncommon, so if you’re facing a similar battle, look at these simple steps for yourself. What value is driving you? What can you do today? What will you do next week? What’s your longer term goal? It doesn’t have to be hard and if you start today, like I am, you’ll be rockin’ by Christmas! Time will be on your side.

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Art of the Reframe

reframe-handsPerspective. I’ve been thinking a lot about it this week. I think it’s interesting that two people can have the same experience, yet come away with completely different interpretations about what happened.  That’s part of the deal, interpretations.  With each experience we bring our own interpretations about the “truth.” But the truth is tempered by what we’ve experienced in the past, our beliefs, what we’ve been through. Sometimes it makes it hard to see the another perspective.

The other perspective is helpful for a lot of different reasons. Let’s just say you’re stuck. Ok, maybe that’s just me. Having the ability to see your circumstance from another point of view can be extremely helpful.  The other day, I was taking a look at my day to day work, thinking about the nature of what I do vs. what in my head I want to do. I had a conversation with someone whose opinion I trust about it.  She pointed out aspects about the work I’m doing that I wasn’t seeing.  Aspects that fell in line with exactly the qualities that I wanted to bring more of into my work. Reframe. She saw it from another perspective that I wasn’t seeing and shed light for me.

Or, I was talking with a trusted friend about achievement.  I’m a high, high achiever.  The great thing about being a high achiever is that you get a lot done, with a high degree of excellence.  That’s the way you should do it, after all.  The downside is that you never really feel, ok, maybe just me again, that you really ever achieve anything big because you’re doing what anyone should do in that situation. Except they don’t.  Not everyone has that same internal wiring, that same drive, so what you’re doing could be extraordinary. So back to my friend, I mentioned how I was thinking about this and gave an example of when I walked a marathon last year.  I had someone, whose opinion matters a lot to me, say “What, do you think you can’t walk 26 miles?” The way it was said registered to me as, of course you would, it’s not a big deal.  My friend asked me if, in fact, that person could have made the statement from a position of belief. As in, Lisa can do anything she sets her mind to. Reframe. He showed me a different way to look at it that actually spoke to belief, not expectation.

The amazing thing about the reframe, the other perspective, is that it can shift you. It can take what you currently believe about an area of your life and shed new light on it. It’s awesome when you have people you trust who can do it, a friend, spouse or family member. It’s also something a coach can do with you. Something I feel fortunate to be learning in my coaching training. If I could only apply it to myself more often. That’s part of the deal too though, sometimes it takes someone outside of your head to look in and reframe for you.  That said, I would encourage you to try it. In the midst of a circumstance that you wish could be different, take a deep breath and ask yourself “how else could I see this?” “What’s another way to look at that?” “How could I reframe it to move forward?” There’s no magic to it, but it IS a conscious choice. A choice that could move you forward in a more positive, empowered way. Try it. Or call me, I’d love to take that journey with you.

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I’m not laughing at you…

dont-take-it-personallyYesterday morning I was in the locker room at the gym after my swim (and as a side note, since I always swim in the pre-dawn hours, it was an awesome to actually enjoy the sunrise while I swam!) and this woman next to me dropped her keys, and then a second set of keys. And I laughed. Not because I was laughing at her, laughing because that’s a situation I often find myself in. So I offered the familiar, “I’m not laughing at you…”

I really thought about it though, and the truth is, I really wasn’t laughing at her, I was laughing at myself.  I spill – and am a master at the clean-up, drop, stumble, fumble, you name it. So my laughter was in camaraderie, kindred spirit.  It made me think about how easy it is to think that the laughter, the comments, are about me, and I don’t think I’m alone in that.

Each of us has this internal ego that takes the wheel and drives our thoughts, our actions.  I don’t mean ego in a bad way, per se.  Ego defined is a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. Think about it, when we’re babies, the world seems to revolve around us. Parents, grandparents, everyone is looking at us, oohing and awing, it’s no wonder we develop that sense of self-importance.

But at some point, we can choose to either continue believing and acting like the world revolves around us, or we can make different choices.  For one, it’s a lot of work being the center of our universe.  Everything is considered in terms of how it impacts us, when in fact, it’s really about the other person. In his book, “The Four Agreements,” one of the principles Miguel Ruiz teaches to have love and happiness in our lives is:

“Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

When I read this, it really hit home.  I was in the midst of a difficult personal situation where I felt like everything the other person did was directed at me.  Taken in this context, how another person reacts or “shows up” in their relationship with others has more to do about them than about us.  Our ego tells us that it’s about us, when it’s not.  It tells us that they’re laughing at us, when their laughter is more likely something in themselves they’re laughing at.

If we take the principle of not taking what others say personally, not letting our ego do the driving, it truly does save us a lot of suffering.  A lot of unnecessary wondering ,worrying, creating our own story about what others must have meant by their comment.  If we can resist personalizing, resist “they’re laughing at me,” it allows us to show up more authentically, give more of our real selves, and have more empathy. Give it a try, truly laugh with someone today. Realizing that we are more alike than different, if you ask me, there’s a lot of comfort in that…not to mention someone else with expertise in spill clean-up…I could use the help!

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Emotions are not for sissies

mood-swingI think being “emotional” gets a bad rap. Granted, I’m a girl, so I have more leeway to be emotional, but even so, they’re not always accepted, especially the negative ones. Anger, frustration, irritation…sadness…grief I think you get away with if you have a reason people understand, but grief over the loss of a relationship, for example, no go.  And crying? Geez, it’s trouble in the making. Don’t do it at work, bottle it up, make it go away, don’t let anyone see you…oh wait, maybe those are just my experiences.

But the thing is, I AM emotional.  I’ve spent the last 48 years 364 days bottling all of it up though. There have been periods where it came out and even I couldn’t explain or understand it. Crying that would never end.  That was a few years ago, a forgettable phase I think many women this age could understand and happily live without. For the most part though, I’ve tried to be bright and sunny, but I’m not, at least not all the time.  I’ll start to cry but then use all my secret ninja tricks to try and make it stop. Stuff it down. Ladies, am I alone in this?

Over the last year, I’ve tried to get better at letting myself have emotion, acknowledge it and not just brush it away.  It’s been marginally successful. Rarely do I let myself have a good cry. Really though what is that? A good cry? Seems counter intuitive.  If I start to feel angry, I’ll play with it a little bit, but there’s no monster coming out. But I need to let myself feel emotion. As I’ve gone through my coaching training, part of it, as I think I’ve talked about, is looking at your own stuff, your own crap I like to say.  Helpful, incredibly helpful, but exhausting. It’s a non-stop barrage of processing emotion.  Ah-ha’s are great, but it’s often a fist fight with myself to get there.

I think we often don’t acknowledge how hard it can be to process emotion, to have and feel emotion.  When I used to ride my bike a lot, I rode with a group and I remember this one ride where my friend was trying to explain to me how to keep up with the guys.  She said that sometimes you have to practically turn yourself inside out with effort, leave it all on the road.  I think that’s how processing emotions can be at times. I think part of why I started riding my bike in the first place was to escape having to feel emotions, to process them, I just rode away from them, at least for that day. Not the healthiest from an emotional standpoint, but I did get a lot of relief, endorphin’s are a great thing.

Yesterday I was talking through some tough stuff with someone I care about, and it was hard, good, but hard. Today…I feel raw…like I’ve turned myself inside out.  That same feeling as doing it in a physical sense during a hard effort.  I worked hard to be transparent, to stay in the space, to share my heart instead of saying I was “fine.” Again, all good stuff, stuff that can bring people close together, but not for sissies.  Stuff you fight your way through, fight with yourself and that instinct to keep bottled up vs. the freedom of just expressing.

I think to fail to recognize how hard it can be to process emotion is to undercut ourselves. There’s no right or wrong way, per se, to process emotion.  We all do it in our own way.  But if your way was like my way, stuff it down, I’m here to tell you that won’t last forever.  Taking the time to understand yourself, to be brave and talk about how you feel, even if the only person you’re telling is yourself, well that’s worth it.  You are worth it. You might feel like you left part of you on the side of the road, and maybe you did, but that’s often a good thing, don’t let it stop you and don’t turn back for it. I’m right there with you.

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Big Brave Post

just-being-is-funIt’s no secret that I’m becoming a certified life coach.  Amazing program! But here’s the thing about it, to coach others, you have to deal with your stuff. What I’m finding is the more I deal with it, the more I realize about myself. So it’s a combo of “Yay!” and “Oh, crap.”

Not dissimilar to anyone else, as I’ve moved through life, I’ve had experiences from which I create thoughts about the world and thoughts about myself.  We get messages from the people who are close to us and from the world around us about what’s “expected.” But how each of us hears those messages is different, and unique, depending on our own circumstances.  The message I “heard” which really means the message I interpreted, was “be strong.”

It seems like too easy of an answer, but I think a lot of that comes from having had my foot amputated when I was 4.  I was blessed that my family and really my friends never treated me like I was any different than anyone else.  Except that, I was.  So, although not consciously, I set about proving that to be true.  Because my “difference” was external, I tried to show through my physical self that I was not only normal, whatever that is, but that I could do whatever I wanted to do. And really, I have. I’ve had amazing adventures on my bike, last year I decided to start walking half marathons and then a full marathon, then I took up open water swimming… all of which was awesome.

But in my head, I never hit the bar. Each time I’d accomplish something, the bar would move.  I’d set a higher goal, thinking that if I’d already, for example, ridden 100  miles, that riding 200 seemed like a better idea, because that would really prove something. To who though? To me? In theory I suppose.

Stick with me because here was the punch in the gut.  It doesn’t seem like this should have taken me 49 years to figure out, but it did. What I’ve done, what I set out to do, that’s not who I am. When I project that version of myself, the tough, strong self, people don’t really get to know me, the me that’s on the inside.  I get that the external stuff is part of who I am, and I’ve had some great experiences.  But it is only part of me. It’s the bright and shiny that distracts me from really embracing who I am on the inside.  To some degree, it’s the “on stage” version of me. Making myself feel like I’m “on stage” all the time is exhausting…and I do it to myself…no one else really expects it and they don’t get to know the real me, the backstage version.

So here’s the big brave part.  I’m setting a new goal.  It’s to just be. To not prove. To acknowledge to myself that I’m squishy. That parts of me may not seem normal, but they’re normal to me. I’m not always tough, and that’s ok. I don’t need to keep raising the bar. God knew I’d turn out like, He created me like this.  If it’s ok for Him, it’s going to be ok for me too.

What would that look like for you? To just be? Try it, be brave. I believe you’ll find you’re pretty amazing.

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Lost and Found – Joy

Play it safejoy.  One of Lisa’s cardinal rules.  I think it started when I was fairly young.  Limit risk, know what you’re getting into. Lots of contingency planning, back up plans.  Before I get into anything, I’ve usually done extensive research, made sure I know how it could go wrong and make plans to avoid that. I don’t want to deal with things going wrong. I want things nice and buttoned up, within my control, that’s what safe looks like.

So how’s that working for you? Yep, that’s the question I’ve been rolling around in my head, that I’ve been asked. Well, nice and safe, that’s how that’s working.  And on the surface, that seems fine, I had a lot going on with my kids, work, family, lots of responsibilities to tend to. So keeping my risks down makes a lot of sense.  No time for things to go wrong. But they still did go wrong. And in the meantime, I’d been so busy playing it safe I hadn’t been paying attention to the fact that there wasn’t a lot of joy in my life.  It’s hard to have joy where you’re busy being serious all the time.

And it’s also hard to really know what joy is when you don’t let yourself experience the other side, the pain.  Staying safe avoids pain.  Doesn’t mean you avoid difficulty, but safe steers you around a lot of pain.  Don’t be fooled though, the pain can still come, it just comes unexpectedly.  Comes when your safe existence is shaken, or shattered.

But if you walk through the pain, when, not if, you survive it, an interesting thing can happen.  You start to see more joy, at least I did.  Something about the pain strips away your defenses.  When I let myself be outside the lines, not be so safe, I starting seeing joy.  Joy in the simple things.  Joy in every day. Joy that God has had for me all along.  I started feeling deeper. My heart felt more compassion for others, more understanding.

When I stopped playing it so safe, that’s when I woke up. That’s when I saw what I’d really been doing.  Where the path I’d been walking down had led me. It caused me to rethink choices I’d made, ways I’d engaged with people I cared about. And I didn’t like some of what I saw. But I’d learned what pain felt like now, and it helped me to be brave. I had hard conversations. And there was some pain, because admitting when you’ve made mistakes – even when in the spirit of just staying safe, which you’ve used to justify what you’ve done in the past – it hard.

What’s the point of going down that hard path again? The once elusive joy now shows up more and more often. The braver I am, the more I lean into discomfort, the more joy and peace I’m experiencing. And that is an amazing thing. Give it a try!

 

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Will you help me?

help-meI’m a round-about asker, I don’t like to ask people directly to help me. Here’s what that looks like.

Me (to the air and family by-standers): “Looks like the trash is ready to go out.”

Family by-standers: Silence

Me: “Yep, after lunch, the trash really needs to go out.”

Family by-standers: Silence, accompanied with putting more in the trash.

Me: “Would be nice if someone would take out the trash.”

Family by-standers: “What’s for dinner?”

Me: Exacerbated “I guess I’ll take the trash out.”

Family by-stander: “I would’ve done that – you just had to ask.”

But I don’t want to ask. I want them to know that I need the trash taken out, that I need help.  Oh wait, I guess that means I presume they are wired exactly like me, but they’re not, and so I get myself all wound up and frustrated.

Why is it so hard to ask for help? I think, especially for women, it’s tough. I, for one, have such a need to be seen as having it all together, keeping all the balls in the air. But the truth is, I don’t have it all together. I’ve spent a lot time thinking about that, that hesitancy.  A lot of it has to do with not wanting to look incapable, or look “less than.” I was recently encouraged to flip that around though, think about what I would think if someone asked me to help them.  The truth is, I would think, “awesome, would love to help,” and I would be appreciative of having been asked.

I was thinking about this in relation to prayer the other day. I know that in the past, I have rarely asked friends to pray for me.  Will ask for prayer for my family, people I care about, but rarely for me. If I can’t ask someone to help me, how possibly could I ask someone to do something as personal as pray for me?? That would mean I’m vulnerable, that I have problems, that my life is not perfect. Oh wait, in fact my life is not perfect. If yours is, awesome, but you’re an anomaly. We all have stuff. The way I’m wired though is to show people bright and shiny, not the hot mess side. If you see the hot mess side, you might not want to stick around – at least that’s what I’ve told myself.  Except the thing is, I think people do see the hot mess side, and they care about me anyways, they stick around. Well that’s just crazy, I think, but my heart warms a little at the thought.

I asked a friend at work to pray for me the other day, and she thanked me for letting her pray for me. I was blown away.  I’d never thought that someone would be thankful to pray for me.  But back to the flip side thing, I’d be happy and feel blessed to pray for them. Why I’m so hard on myself, or minimize that other people may care about my needs is all part of my stuff, the hot mess side. What is finally starting to sink in though is the truth… to the same degree that I care about, want to help, want to pray for people, they feel the same about me. I can show up exactly as I am, not hiding any of the messy stuff, and that’s going to be ok with my family, my friends, those I care about. Knowing that is still sinking in. What is sinking in is that if people already see some of that messy side of me, I don’t have to spend as much time worrying about being bright and shiny, they’re going to care about me anyway.

So for you…people love you, care about you, want to help you, want to pray for you, just like you do for them. If we can really, in our hearts, believe that, believe how blessed we really are, it’s a pretty freeing feeling. Go on, give it a try, I’ll help you.

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What’s your Get out of Jail Free card?

get-out-of-jail-freeIf you are among the 1% or less of the population who hasn’t played Monopoly, there are spaces on the board that send you to jail.  Your best bet at that point is to use a “get out of jail free card.” It will get you off this spot and back into play without having to roll doubles or pay a $50 fine.  I’ve been wondering if we don’t all have a get out of jail free card as it relates we use in our life.

I think about a lot of stuff, particularly with respect to figuring out how I’m wired, and how I show up in life, to myself and to others.  So to get to that, I’ve been looking at what I value and a big standout is being responsible.  For me, being responsible is a big deal. My wiring is to be responsible in everything I do.  Here’s what that looks like.  I take care of my home – it’s neat and clean all the time; I show up for work, every day, even when I’m sick; I work hard, and long, and put forth 110% effort; I take care of other people, family, friends, from the standpoint of their visible needs…providing, cooking, attending to their visible needs; I take care of my physical body by exercising (granted, this one brings me a lot of energy). Being responsible in these ways is how I was raised, and I don’t think it’s a bad thing.

It’s occurred to me lately though that I’m missing part of the picture. I think being responsible is a bit of a get out of jail free card for me.  Here’s why.  When I am doing all the things I think are responsible, I’m too busy to just be. I don’t, or maybe I avoid, spending time on myself, my inner needs.  I’m starting to see that I use being responsible as my “Get out of jail free” card.  I don’t have time for nurturing myself because I’m busy doing all the time.  Nurturing myself means slowing down, letting other things go – maybe – so that I can just rest.  Rest my body, nurture my body, nurture my spirit.  Honestly, just thinking about it makes me break into a nervous sweat.  If I’m not Lisa the responsible person – responsible as I’ve defined it, than who am I, am I letting myself, or others, down?

But I’m also learning, realizing, that just being with myself is as important, or maybe more important, than all the other things I do. AND, I’m realizing that all the doing and “responsibility” is a way my inner critic keeps me small, covers up those fears that I have about being seen as I am on the inside. Keeps me from truly experiencing life and relationships.  Tells me that doing is part of my worth. In reality, my worth IS on the inside, comes from God who made me just as I am, it’s not dependent on what I do. How am I going to know that though if I’m so busy doing? That doesn’t give me time to just be with myself and be with others. The truth is, to have deeper relationships, I need to get comfortable in the space of being with myself, and being with others.  Redefine my truth.  Responsibility is a strength, but not what defines me. It’s not “jail” to take care of me, my heart, my spirit, and it’s not “jail” to take care of others in the same way.

What is your get out of jail free card? That excuse you use (probably subconsciously) to avoid fully engaging in life? It’s different for each of us because we are different, we are unique, and that’s an awesome thing. I think that we don’t really need that card because where we are, who we are, is not really jail at all, we’re worth embracing, worth getting to know, worth acknowledging our own needs, worth being brave enough to see ourselves as we are. If we try to escape that, to avoid it, we miss developing the gifts that we have to give ourselves and give to others.  So I’m going to sit in that space, to just be, and invite you to ditch the get out jail free card too, the excuse that keeps you “safe.” Lean in to the discomfort because if we don’t ever feel it, we may not feel the flip side which is fully experiencing our lives.

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The Wonder Woman Inside Me

Let’s bwonder_woman_linda_carter_pe honest, for those of us who grew up in the 70’s, Wonder Woman was awesome.  She had mystical powers, the Lasso of Truth, those cool bracelets, and the tiara.  I can’t forget the awesome costume she donned when she headed out to kick some bad guy butt.  I think a lot of women, secretly and not so secretly, think that they’re Wonder Woman.  She could do it all, nobody could stop her, all while holding down a day job.

I’ll admit, I’m drawn to Wonder Woman because of the outfit and tiara.  Being honest.   I also like to tell myself that I can be like Wonder Woman.  I can do it all, no one can stop me. Except here’s the thing, it’s a lot of work.  I say yes to people, yes to myself, why yes I can do 3 half marathons in as many days, yes I will crush my body with a workout and get back up and do it again, yes, I will take on that extra work. I mean, really, that’s just what you do.  That’s the expectation I created for myself. Bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and make a BLT.

But back to Wonder Woman for a minute.  She could do it all, or could she? She is in the Justice League and had her super hero friends to lean on when she needed help.  Even if she didn’t need help, she recognized that there were other people who could get the job done better, faster, safer, so that she could tackle the bigger fish in her pond.  My opinion is that Wonder Woman’s hidden strength was that she would ask for help and she could say no.

And I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit, not Wonder Woman exactly, but being able to say no.  I’ll admit, not a fan. Here was my recent struggle.  I really did sign up (in April) to do the 3 half marathon’s in 3 days.  It’s coming up soon, beginning of October. But, as I get older, my body is resisting me more.  And I don’t like that.  I want to be invincible.  Last week though, I couldn’t stop thinking about this race.  Thinking how I could do it, but it would leave a mark.  One would be fine, but 3 would hurt, and some hurt is ok, expected even, but not hurt to the point where I knew in advance it would not be my smartest move.  Would not be the best for my health. Would leave me tired for a while. The voice in my head told me to suck it up, not be a quitter. Reminded me that I paid good money to do the races, most of which I would not get back, and only some of which I would get in the form of a deferral to next year’s race.

All these thoughts were swirling in my head and I actually felt slightly nauseous as I went online and dropped 2 of the races. It’s done. And the world didn’t end. Except that I’m telling you, no one even really knows.  The funny thing is, after a couple days, I actually felt stronger inside.  I realized that sometimes the strongest thing I can do is say no.  No to the wrong things so I have more time and energy for the right things. And more and more, the right things have to do with people.  Spending time with my tribe, my family, my friends, those I care deeply about. Saying yes to focusing on people brings me a lot longer lasting joy than events which I love and still will do, but which have a day-long instead of lifelong impact.

So back to Wonder Woman. She rocked it and in my mind, she rocked it because she knew where her strengths lie and built on that.  I’m seeing that there’s strength in not being invincible, so today, I’m embracing that – and feeling oddly stronger. I think that’s because we all have a little Wonder Woman inside of us.