Category: Thoughts about life

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Own you…the real you

Truckee 2018Each year around the 4th of July my family spends a week in Truckee. For those unfamiliar, it’s a small town near Lake Tahoe that is gloriously beautiful. From my folks’ house we look up to the backside of NorthStar ski area. The air is clear, it’s quiet and nature surrounds you in all directions. Why we don’t go up there more is a mystery to me (although I’m firmly committed to spending more time there!). So, you have the serenity fully in your mind?

My family is awesome, and we truly enjoy being around each other. This year, ten of us were up for the week. Our Truckee days are filled with non-stop activity. And by non-stop, I mean every…single…second…This week alone there was boating, rafting, pool ‘hanging’, cornhole (lots and lots of cornhole), ping pong, foosball, bocce ball (the only sport I made a respectable showing in), foot golf, golf, hiking…you get the idea? Most days had no less than 3 activities. And then we prepare and eat dinner together followed by a lot of laughter, loud music as we sang through the years and possible a game later. Genuinely, we enjoy each other, every activity becomes a competition, we laugh, we love one another.

I love being with the family and over time, particularly over the last year, I’ve noticed that I’m wired similarly to them in many ways but am also different. I’m serious, I tire far more easily, I get worn out. The competitive spirit is not as strong. Since this is the family I was raised in, a lot of the traits passed on to me, either by nature or nurture I believe. Over the last couple years, as I’ve settled into mid-life, more of who I am is becoming apparent to me, and I’ve been working to get comfortable with who that person is.

One thing I’ve known for years is that I’m more sensitive. I can recall being young and hearing the words, “there goes Lisa, crying again.” Any potentially emotional moment. Even yesterday, leaving the family to come home, I felt the tears well up. And I’ve tried to shake it off. Be tougher, not so sensitive. It’s not that easy. As I become more aware though, I notice it’s not just emotionally. I’m sensitive to sound – especially loud noises, conflict kills me on the inside, busy-ness and rushing throw me off, other people’s negative energy pulls on me…all things I’ve pushed aside as something being wrong with me. Called it anxiety or told myself to shake it off.

But now? Now I’m learning that it’s part of how I’m wired. I’m more in tune with other people’s energy-their moods, sensitive to it, often feeling it myself. And I feel the energy of different situations, good and bad. And I can get exhausted from it. It’s a little bit like having a hangover – even though I don’t drink – exhaustion, raw emotions.

So, what to do with a week of constant activity? This is where authenticity comes in. Own and take care of my needs. I’m responsible for that. The constant activity of my family? That will, and should, continue. It means that I might take a time out, or observe, rather than be in the middle. It means breaking away from the norm and being ok with it. This year, that’s what I did. The world didn’t end, and I came home slightly less exhausted than I have in the past.

Learning more about me, who I am as an individual and owning it is an ongoing journey. It’s so easy to get caught up in who other people think we should be and how we should show up in situations. It’s far braver to be authentic. But that doesn’t mean everyone around you needs to change to suit you. It means you ask for what you need. It’s setting your own boundaries and taking a time out if you need it. There’s no shame in that.

It’s no different than anywhere you feel you’re showing up on the outside differently than what’s on the inside. Think about that for yourself. Are there areas in your life where you show up to suit others instead of being who you truly are? What step could you take today that would get you closer to your true self? Do that. It’s just one step but it’s a step in the authentic direction. I’m with you every step of the way.

 

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When to break agreements

Lessons to be learnedThe other night I was with a group of people, gathered to talk about soul ties, more specifically, cutting unhealthy ones. It was a fascinating discussion going far beyond what I would normally think of as soul ties, which would be, for example, with a spouse. The conversation was focused on soul ties with a variety of people in our lives that hold us back and how to separate from them. They can also keep us in a cycle, repeating the same behaviors with the same person even when we’ve learned the lesson we were intended to learn.

I kept thinking about that idea throughout the week, extending it in my head (as I do – much more fun that way) to the idea of the agreements we make in relationships. Primarily the subconscious ones. We may not like to think about them as agreements, but they are. And usually, they’re of the unhealthy variety. Ways that we show up with each other, and not the ones we take selfies of. The “if you then I,” variety. It’s likely you don’t like it, are not happy about the pattern, but you either don’t recognize it or recognize it and don’t know how to step out of it. The third alternative is that you know it’s there, you don’t care, it’s not you it’s them.

So how healthy is that? I’m going to hazard a guess…not very.

The more complicated pattern is when you have those agreements and maybe end the relationship you’re in, romantic, friendship, otherwise…but then you move on and recreate the same pattern. The same exact pattern that lead you down the slippery or rough road before. What’s up with that??

Yes, it’s the behavior you know, but you also have a choice. Think about a behavior you have, say, when stressed, and you are aware it’s not the most fruitful. Not causing gains in your relationships. You’re repeating it over and over. One…you’re not learning the lesson. Your taking the lesson you were maybe intended to learn with the first person and because you didn’t learn it, or didn’t recognize it, you moved on to someone else and are doing it all over again! Two…it’s possible you’re preventing the current person you’re in a relationship with from learning the lessons they need to learn – for which they were drawn to you. Over time, it can create a big, muddled, hot mess.

If you can end that agreement, take the lesson and shift to a new phase in your relationship, and if that person comes along with you, it can change everything. In order to do that, you need to take time to really look at your part in what’s happening. What are the patterns that repeat, where do you feel yourself getting sucked in to unhealthy behavior? Sit in that. Brene Brown calls that “rumbling” in her book Rising Strong. Realizing you’re down and sitting in that space for a minute, long enough to see what’s really going on. When you do, you have a choice to make. Either you keep the agreement and “wash, rinse, repeat,” or you make a choice to behave, respond, different – create a new agreement.

What helps when you’re in that space?

Don’t take it personally…the other person’s reaction, their response, it’s about them, not you. It’s their stuff.

Own your own stuff…Yep, you’re there for a reason. Take a minute to look at your own behavior.

Have you seen this episode before? If so, if this isn’t your first rodeo with this argument, this circumstance, take note. You’re likely repeating agreements.

Make a choice…You can either respond like you have in the past…how that work out for you? Or you can make a different choice.

There are times when the eventual choice is to end an agreement, cut the soul tie so that you, and maybe the other person, can move forward. I believe these times call for authenticity. Showing up as your true self, without your masks and letting the other person experience the raw you. Honest, vulnerable, leaving defensiveness and self-preservation at the door. Aka…the brave choice.

Whether it’s time to cut the soul tie, end the agreement…or time to be authentic, be brave (and those may be the same thing at times) …just do it. If what you’re doing in a relationship isn’t working, and that’s any relationship – friend, spouse, child, parent, sibling, co-worker – you have a choice to make. Today, I hope you’ll make the one that leads to a more authentic, healthy you.

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What’s your tell?

TahoeYesterday, while it was blazing hot at home, my husband and I headed up to Truckee for the afternoon to hang out with my folks. It’s beautiful up there 100% of the time and yesterday was no exception. We headed to Lake Tahoe for an afternoon cocktail cruise. Perfect way to spend the afternoon. The water was about as smooth as Tahoe can be. But that hasn’t always been the case.

We’ve been out on the lake times where we were just trying to stay ahead of a storm. Having gone out on a summer day when it was clear and then had a storm come in. The water gets choppy, the clouds roll in, the wind kicks up. All signs that this sea sickness prone girl does not want to be on the water. If we ignore those signs, we’re in for a rough ride.

I was thinking the other day about those signs in my life that tell me I’m in for a rough ride. Every Saturday I have coffee with a girlfriend and we were talking about this a few weeks ago. By choice, I try not to use profanity. But I’m not gonna lie, there are times when it slips out. Rarely audibly, but in my head. I was telling her about that and she said the same thing happens to her and called it her tell. She knows when she’s getting stressed or out of sorts when she starts to use profanity. Usually, the worst I hear out of her is “coconuts,” it’s a catch all. I love it, if I’m being honest.

That concept stuck with me. We all have tells. In poker, it’ll kill your bluff. But it life? In life we often ignore them. And we shouldn’t. Those tells, the red flag warnings, they tell us that we’re off kilter, there’s something in our life that is causing misalignment with who we are, who we aspire to be.

For me, yes, there’s the in my head cursing – but honestly, I try to keep that to a minimum – mostly though it’s my body. My body speaks to me. It tells me and shows me when I’m out of alignment. I have some wonky health challenges and most of them are provoked by stress. I’m not making that up. I see it externally in the form of exhaustion, amongst other things, constant exhaustion.

In reality, it’s proven that our bodies are the best indication of what’s really going on in our lives. We hold past hurts, emotions, stress, anxieties in our body. And those things can cause a wide range of health problems. Our body is the tell.

So why don’t I listen? In my opinion…because our brains make us think we can handle it. Our brains tell us to ignore the symptoms, whether it’s challenges with our body, or any other “tell” we have that we’re out of alignment. In the moment, it’s rare that we take the time to pause and contemplate why we’re seeing the signs that we do. But we should.

And we should not only pay attention, but actually do something about it. Look at what is causing the dissonance, the rumbling, the tell. Maybe we’re engaged in activities that rub up on our values. Or we have situations in our life that are chipping away at us every day, where we’re having to do some heavy lifting to keep the peace. Whatever it is, take steps to create a different situation so that you can bring yourself back in alignment.

That’s not always easy. I find that talking to someone about it helps…a lot! That can be coffee talk, it could be a coach – like me, it could be a trusted advisor, or a therapist – depending on what you’re going through. It requires being open to taking a hard look – and being honest with yourself. For me, I know when I’m not living my authentic life, I start to see signs. What I need to do, what you need to do may be different, but I think it comes back to being authentic. Knowing who I am, who I want to be – who God calls me to be – and taking steps to be there.

So today, I invite you to think about your tell, your red flag warning. If there’s something in your life that’s out of alignment, you’re likely already calling it out, in your actions or in your body. Once you see it, what are you going to do it about it? That’s up to you but do something. I know you’re brave my friends, and you’re worth it.

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What leap do you need to clear the way for?

she-took-a-leap-of-faithThis week I’ve been thinking about clearing space. Clearing space physically but mostly in my head. I have so many things I juggle in my head at any given moment it’s a little silly. And, in my mind, they’re equally important. Planning dinner…thinking about a task at work…dreaming of our next vacation. All equal billing.

What’s not getting enough play time? The big stuff. And more importantly…actually doing stuff that matters. I have in my head that I’m going to write a book, I will coach more, I will build flexibility and freedom into my life. That stuff? It’s stuck behind all the crap that is nothing more than distractions.

That’s the truth of it really. All the nonsense, the day to day stuff? I let it distract me from what’s important. There’s always ‘one more thing’ I want to be doing. One last email to send, one more mindless search to do on Google. I could have a medical degree for all the time I’ve spent researching, learning more about medical conditions. No joke. While endlessly fascinating, those distractions are not getting me any closer to the end game.

And I can feel it. A knowing that I’m filling my space with the wrong stuff. The uncomfortable feeling that happens when your heart, your soul, knows you should be moving in one direction and you’re stuck – because if no one does – fill in the blank – the world will end. Except it won’t. As I become increasingly aware of all the clutter, it’s like it’s starting to hit me in the face. Hey, hey, HEY…oh right, move it! Focusing, taking action on the right stuff, that’s what God wants. I’m uncomfortable because I’ve ignored the call too long, filling my life with easy distractions. I mean, seriously, would life end if I didn’t mop the floor?? (Side note…if you know me you’re silently calling me out on that…mopping is the bane of my existence…hate it…solution? Drop more food on the floor and let our dog lick it up…poof…floor clean…seriously).

It’s also easy to tell myself that “I’m getting ready,” it takes time to get ready for where I believe I’m headed. Distraction. Excuse. Fear.

Oh right, that. Fear. Not even kidding, for all the advice I give others about making shifts in their life, I drag my heals. Because of what? The fear that I’ll look stupid? That I’ll fail? In reality, so what if I fail? Plus, I believe that if I’m following the call that I believe God has put on my heart and prepared me for, I believe that even if I fail, this is part of my journey.

It’s hard to sit with that but it’s true. We look at failure as so soul crushing when it may be part of the journey we’re supposed to be on and there are lessons we need to learn in it. We, ok I, tend to shy away from situations that are less than certain to stay safe. I’ve decided safe it boring, and safe is not authentic. Authentic is following the calling. Knowing that success might be as simple as just listening and taking the leap of faith. Like in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. If you follow this blog you know I was recently in Petra where we re-enacted all things Indiana. At the end of the Last Crusade, Indiana had to take a leap of faith…to cross the invisible bridge. As soon as he took the first step, the bridge was there – clear for him to see.

That’s the brave part of the authentic journey. Take the leap of faith and trusting. The bridge to where you’re supposed to go, where I’m supposed to go, will be there. Whatever it is for you, I encourage you to take the first step. The path will become clearer, you’ll guide they way. Trust yourself, you have all the answers within you.

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Do YOUR work

do your own workI’m someone who is wired to keep the peace. Not a fan of conflict, would rarely initiate it and if there is a way I can reduce the possibility of conflict for someone else, I sure as shooting am going there. This has resulted, not surprisingly, in me inserting myself into situations in which I should have left well enough alone. And in doing that, I brought myself far more grief and heartache than was mine to own.

Take my kids. When they were young and even as teenagers, I so disliked conflict between them that I stepped into it constantly. Asking them to stop. To work it out. Working it out for them. Showing them that going to me was the answer. As they got into their later teens, they were still coming to me. When I tried to push back on that, it was a little bit tricky, it was a monster I created.

And I did them a disservice. They needed to learn how to work out conflict with each other. It’s part of the ebb and flow of relationships. By taking it on for them, I kept them from doing their own work. (As a side note…they are far better at this now…I am rarely, if ever, called to be the referee).

I’ve been thinking about that concept a lot, the idea that each of us has our own self work to do. As mothers, it’s fairly common to take on burdens for our kids in an effort to protect them, to save them from experiencing heartache. To help them – or at least that’s what we had in mind. But when we do, we take our energy, that we need for our own self work, and give it away. Instead, we do the work they need to do.

It’s like that with anyone, really. If we’re not careful, it’s easy to fall into fix mode. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes that’s ok, helpful. But when it comes to other matters, like relational issues, people need to do their own work – “saving” them from that keeps them from learning the lessons they need to learn, from the journeys they need to take to develop as a person.

We’re doing that our entire life, if we’re lucky. We’re continuing to learn about ourselves, how we show up in the world, interact with our environment and the people in it. Each of us has our individual journey to take. No one can do it for us. Every person you interact with is an opportunity to learn about yourself. I’ll bet there are some people you get along with flawlessly but others the turn your stomach, who you make an about face from when you see them coming. I think that the closer someone is to us the more intense our reaction to them. They get all up in our space and that’s when things get real. In those situations, though, all you can do is your part. The cumulation of your own work. If they’re willing to work on their stuff, great. If they’re not, you cannot do it for them. They won’t learn the lesson and then you’re doing them that disservice I mentioned.

And that can be hard. For all of us. But in order to learn your own lessons, to be your full, authentic self, you need to stay in your own space. Be there to support and encourage others on their journey, but don’t do the work for them so that they can be their own, authentic self. You would think that it’s easy, but it’s not. For many of us, the natural inclination is to take on their emotion, maybe in the form of negative self-talk about what a “bad” person (insert, unworthy, not enough, whatever crappy message you tell yourself, here) you are for not helping, solving, making everything better. Not that I know anything about that…that’s a lie. Letting others do their own work – and doing our own – is part of having healthy boundaries.

What’s one thing you can do today to determine where you are doing someone else’s work for them? One thing, not all the things, one thing. When you figure that out, stop. Do you feel bad about not helping, not doing the work? Don’t. Seriously. Be loving, be kind, but let them do their work – you’re relationship will be better for it and your authentic self will thank you.

 

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Finding my own way

True SelfDo you ever have the big ‘a-ha’ moments? When a bunch of the pieces of the puzzle fall into place all of a sudden? I had that…yesterday. Here’s what went down.

Earlier in the week, I went to a meditation circle – a gathering of like minded people focused on mindfulness. In our time together, our leader talked about several things, one of which was the idea that we each have a journey to live. Experiences we need to have, challenges to face, highs and lows. The degree to which we take those on for someone else, the less they learn what they’re supposed to and the less energy we have for our own lessons.

Couple that with a conversation my husband and I had in the car Friday. We were on a long (so long, painfully long, long, long…you get the picture) car ride and had plenty of time to talk. He and I are different in many ways and we were talking about our wiring. He often roots in facts and what can be proven. Me, sure, facts are important, but I’m more about the feel of things, the vibe. I also have a propensity to want to work things out for myself, to chart my own path. That person who tells me that they have found a product that will solve every problem I’ve ever had? – whatever. The more you push on me, the more I will likely choose not to follow your suggestion.

We use the DISC behavior tool at work and its sister product – Motivators (also called Driving Forces). What I describe above is a component of my Individualistic motivator. I want a say, a seat at the table, to chart my own path.

Stick with me, I’m getting to the a-ha. So, my brain has been swirling around the ideas from the meditation circle and the conversation with my husband. Think of it as mixing around the spaghetti in my head, it’s like that, honestly.

Yesterday morning, BAM – smacked in the head with one of the biggest a-ha’s I’ve had in a while.

It goes way back and answers a lot for me. My mom has always been open to many different ideas. I remember growing up she would find products and be all in. That was back in the day when the MLM (multi-level marketing) concept was in full swing. She sold beauty products that were the BEST – per her (and maybe they were, I had the wall up). She’s also the one who is always going to personal development workshops, there has been walking on fire, really. She would tell me about these products and workshops as if they were the answer, the best thing as if I should be doing it too (at least that was the story in my head).

Enter me. My response to a lot of it? Resistance. And here’s the interesting thing. I put all of it on my mom. I would think it was just one more thing she was doing. When I was young, label this ‘typical teenage response.’ As I’ve gotten older? The pattern stuck.

But here’s the thing…I’m like her in a lot of ways. What finally clicked yesterday was that all those things she does? I’d probably find them interesting today (although I am not walking on fire, no, never, not happening).  I’m exploring many of the same paths that she explored. Why did I resist? It’s the way I’m wired. I want to chart my own path. It was the approach. No fault of hers. I didn’t understand myself enough to realize what was kicking back on the inside. To find a way to take the information and explore it on my own. To come up with my own conclusions. Thinking back to the meditation circle, have my own experiences, learn for myself, let my own journey shape me.

When you have the big a-ha, what do you do with it? For me, it’s part of my authentic journey. Figuring out who I am, who God wired me to be. Leaning into the gifts of that. Not letting fear get in the way of saying what I need and charting my path.

What about you? What is the big a-ha that is rumbling around inside of you? I think we spend the first however many years of our life having life shape us and the second half, the half I’m in, figuring out what happened and how we want to live, to engage with life and others, going forward. My hope for you today is to choose the brave path, the authentic path. You’re not alone, I’m right there with you.

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What doors of your own need opening?

Doors of JerusalemI became fascinated with the doors in Jerusalem during my recent pilgrimage. As you wander around the city, whether on a tour like ours or on your own, if you keep your eyes open, you’ll start to notice the unique aspects of the doors. The colors, the textures, the sizes, the placement. Fancying myself an artsy photographer, I started snapping up pictures as we went along.

But what do I do with a bunch of pictures of doors now that I’m home? As I was thinking about them, a thought popped into my head. I’m choosing to follow it because I’ve learned that usually those thoughts are not accidental. They’re my intuition kicking in – telling me to pay closer attention.

The doors throughout Jerusalem have a story. We can imagine what it would be based on where they are in the city. But behind the doors is an entirely different story that passerby’s don’t have access to.

I thought about the doors in my life and they do just that. They close off access to those I want to keep from being too close to me. In my mind, they keep me safe. Here’s how it would go down. In a situation where I want to keep a person from not knowing certain aspects about me, the ugly parts, the door slowly closes. Same is true when I lose trust or faith in someone. Mind you, I’d say I don’t want to close the door, but it feels safer, more in control. I do this when someone disagrees with me. Slam the door. I want to protect myself, my opinion, my belief, so I close myself off to whoever and whatever pushes up against that. No solicitation friend – take your thoughts elsewhere, mine are staying safely locked inside.

After being on my pilgrimage though, I can’t leave what seemed fine alone anymore. I feel as though Israel was where I felt open. My heart, my soul, were open, receptive. I didn’t feel the need to defend. I felt settled, secure. Maybe you’ve felt like that before, the ‘knowing’ that there’s no need to close doors, to throw up walls. That you’re safe. I felt more connected to others, to myself, to God.

And then I came home.

At first, the crushing jet lag kept me in the open space, honestly, I wouldn’t have had the energy to close anything but my eyes. But it happened. As the week went on, I felt the familiar desire to protect the space around me.

What does it do for us though to shut doors? Nothing. It may seem like the answer, a way in which we can keep ourselves safe, but all it really does it keep us farther away from other people. Not only that, it keeps people we actually care about from truly seeing us, from being witness to our life and to the soft part on the inside. It creates a false sense because the door we close may be ornately decorated while the soft part inside has questions, fears, and, on the flip side, may have creative, bold thoughts and ideas that want to come out but stay hidden behind the door. Keeping others from truly seeing who we are, keeping our beliefs or thoughts hidden may seem like it’s the safe path, but it will never lead to fulfillment or to truly living our authentic life.

That leaves us with a choice. Now, granted, there are some people who we need to close the door on because they are unsafe. But for the vast majority, what would it look like to remain open? To welcome them to know our true self, the authentic, bold one who lives behind the door. We have that choice.

So, you can keep closing doors – or take the braver path and keep them open. Take pictures of doors, but don’t construct them in your life. It may feel scary and that’s normal, it’s ok. You’re not alone – we’re all practicing keeping our doors open. I hope when we meet we’ll be telling each other to come on in.

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Loving others

IMG_5600I’ve just returned from a pilgrimage in Israel. And while I’m sure that my “soul moments”and insights from the trip will trickle out for awhile, What’s on my mind today is our “rest day” side trip to Petra.

Let me set the stage. My folks, siblings and our spouses set out at 3:30 am for Petra, a 6 hour drive from Jerusalem. Our driver was auditioning for the Indy 500 and we made it to the border by 7:30. Nour walked us through the Israeli exit process after which we walked through the few hundred yards between Israel and Jordan. Very surreal. I felt a little like a refugee in this moment. We reached the Jordanian border where we were met by our guide, Hajj. Hajj walked us through the entry process to Jordan like a pro and it was on to Petra. On a side note, having guides to do all that for us is the only way to go!

It was a 2 hour drive to Petra during which Hajj told us about Jordanian life and history. Hajj is Muslim and we visited on the first day of Ramadan. This gave us an opportunity to ask more about the Muslim faith. Much of the foundational history of the Muslim faith is similar to Christianity, with their forefathers including Moses and Abraham. They also believe in Jesus, as a prophet, not as the Savior as in Christianity.

He told us how Muslims and Christians live together peacefully in Jordan. Which is different than how I have thought about the Middle East. He served as such an Ambassador for his country, and for his faith. I say that because he spoke openly, at least it seemed that way, and non-judgementally about the differences between his Muslim faith and Christianity. What Hajj shared with us layered on what I’d already been thinking about, noticing, during our trip. Each one of us is different, but we’re the same.

It’s so easy to spend time looking at how we’re different and miss out on the ways we’re the same. In our rush to “size someone up,”to label them, we can miss the fact that we’re a bunch of people who are often just trying to fit others into the mold that fits our narrative. On the pilgrimage, we met people like Hajj, saw women at the Wailing Wall (women are separated from men at the wall and at any Jewish holy IMG_5471site), I watched little Jewish boys in their school uniforms walking across the plaza at the Wailing Wall, people shopping in the street, Bedouins along the road, selling their scarves, beads, just to feed their family. In each of those situations, it would be so easy to label and judge if you were not careful. Their lives so different.

But why? What’s the point in that? And is that really what we’re called to do? I think not. This pilgrimage, our time with different people, those we met and those we experienced, they moved me, shifted me. When we look at others as people, as actual people, not the label we give them, our hearts are more open. And the same goes for those we may not agree with, just people. When we humanize someone instead of putting them in a box, it does wonders for our hearts and creates bridges to relationships.

I think those relationships are part of the authenticity journey. Showing compassion, love, and genuine concern for others, that’s part of it too. It requires shutting off the fear based voice in my head, the one that yells STOP – that’s different – instead of pressing forward with openness and heartfelt love for others.

Getting back to Petra for a minute, all I can say is WOW! If you ever have the chance, go. It was fascinating, beautiful and the history is so interesting. You can live your inner Indiana Jones, as my brother did, or just simply be amazed at the ancient architecture.

You’ll hear more from me about this pilgrimage, this search into my soul, but today I have a challenge for you. Love each other. Think of it this way, as different faiths were described to me by a woman on the plane. Take a tree and look at the trunk, that’s the core of who we all are. The branches are the ways we are different, but all stemming from same base. I loved that analogy and am running with it. Do what you will with it, but have your own moment today, loving each other. Continue reading “Loving others”

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A parent’s heart

I’m in the middle of my pilgrimage and from the beginning,we’ve focused each day on how it is touching our soul. We’ve been so many places throughout Israel, but I hadn’t felt the stirring of my soul. Inspired, yes, but not the tugging at my soul. But today was different.

Today, we visited the Sea of Galilee and the surrounding sites where Jesus did 90% of his ministry. While on a boat, crossing the Galilee, my heart stirred. It was my mother’s heart, which seems appropriate since I’m writing this for Mother’s Day. I thought about my boys, who are really men at this point, and how they touch my life.

And I thought about the ways that Jesus would have loved them, how he does love them. I thought about ways they may be different, and Jesus still loves them. Just like me, they were created in God’s image, all our children are, and he lives them, no matter what. Now I love my boys, no matter what, but God really loves them. THAT was my soul moment.

I thought about it as the day went on and as we visited more sites. At the end of the day, we visited Magdala. It’s a village that they estimate was developed in the years preceding Jesus’ birth. It was discovered in 2006, and is being excavated, unearthing amazing discoveries! While there was visited a newly built synagogue which had a painting depicting the women who bled for 12 years touching Jesus hem. It only showed feet and her hand touching Jesus’ hem. Our guide reminded us that he called the woman his daughter, showing God’s fathers heart to the woman. It touched my heart thinking that’s how God Love’s me, a hot mess, how he loves my kids and each one of us.

So why can’t we love each other like that? People sometimes don’t love another person because they’re different than them, or they believe differently. But they’re still people. Who are we to love them any less?

That’s been what my heart has been telling me for awhile now. That’s what my authentic self tells me, that’s what I want to live out. And that’s going to mean continuing to love others who are different that me, who might not fit in the cookie cutter from the perspective of their lifestyle. Loving them.

It feels like I may need to be brave at times, but it’s what my heart is calling me to. As a mom, I really love my boys, and I hope that all moms out there feel the same about their kids this Mother’s Day. Life happens and differences arise, but love them, let them know you love them. Just like God loves us, just love. I hope you’ll feel the same friends, it’s simple really, be brave…and love.

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What’s your journey?

my journey is not your journeyI’m going on a pilgrimage. It started nearly six months ago when my stepmother suggested it at Thanksgiving. “We should all go to Israel together.” I thought my husband would lose his mind. I’d known it was on his bucket list for quite some time and he was 100% in from the get go. Me? Well, we’re leaving Monday, and I’m excited, but have spent a great deal of time thinking about the trip and what it is for me.

First let me say that it’s a huge blessing. My folks are taking my siblings and our spouses which is incredibly generous. I know I wouldn’t be going otherwise.

Second, there’s some fear rolling around in there. It’s the longest vacation I’ve been on, the farthest away from home, into a country that is not known for peace these days. And ohhh do I love peace. Not a fan of sketchy situations much less a war zone. So, to say I had concerns over that is an understatement.

The biggest piece of it was working through what my own expectations are. My husband (and 95% of the people who go) is thrilled to be going to the Holy Land. To take the steps Jesus took. To see where the miracles happened. To have the Bible come to life.

And all those things resonate with me too. But there’s something else for me and I’ve wrestled with what it is. I’m not 100% sure, even today, what that something else is with my bag half packed (in my head…note to self, I really need to get on the packing thing). I think it relates to the concept of pilgrimage.

You may be familiar with the Hero’s Journey, it’s the common theme in a broad category of stories that involve a hero who goes on an adventure, and in a decisive crisis wins a victory, and then comes home changed or transformed. That’s the simple version. Joseph Campbell, who wrote about it more than 50 years ago details 17 stages of the journey. What stuck with me was the thought that the journey itself is filled with the unknown. The only thing that’s known is the departure and that there will be a return. What happens on the journey is unknown, therein lies the mystery and the transformation.

It’s Luke Skywalker…the Lord of the Rings…Moses…Lisa Kirby…oh wait that’s me…I’m not going in search of the Ring and am not going to save the galaxy. But could I find parts of me that were untapped, unknown?

Yes. But I must be willing to explore the unknown. I’ve lived a lot of my life staying in the ‘known.’ Making plans, following rules, playing it safe, all those things are in the known. Playing small is also in the known. Not living to my full potential, not stepping into my life’s calling, my life’s purpose, not fully using my gifts and talents, not being vulnerable, that’s all in the known. That’s safe. But it’ sells you short. The hero’s journey was not safe.

My journey is not one of a hero, or if it is, the person who needs the hero is me. That’s what this journey is about. It’s part of my authentic journey which includes living more fully. Stepping into the unknown. Taking the risk. The pilgrimage is the search for moral or spiritual significance that is there for me to learn. And it’s going to be different for me than for others because what I need to learn is different. It’s based on my life and where I’ve been so far. What I’m praying for is to be open to whatever that is. To hold space for what I need to learn and experience.

I know I need to be brave enough, not a superhero, just brave enough to let my authentic self show up. To step fully into the experience and know that I still have so much to learn but I must be brave. Be open, step in with both feet. To experience what’s there for me. My own journey.

What about you? We all have room for the hero’s journey in our lives. The one that takes us into the unknown and transforms us. And a lot of the time, we don’t have to leave home, but we do have to leave what’s comfortable. Transformation doesn’t happen when we’re comfortable. Believe me, I’ve tried. I hope you’ll take time this week to think about your own journey, your pilgrimage. And know that it could come at an unexpected time, but exactly when you need it – be brave – you got this.