Or more appropriately, the time has come to change your mind.
While not a fan of the word “should,” I’m putting it out there, because within the United States there is no other option for many of us but to change our minds. I posted last week about being raised in an environment which, from my perspective, appeared to be absent of discrimination. And by and large, I stand by that. But I’m wondering if maybe that wasn’t enough.
Because not talking about it, while ok, doesn’t equip you to stand for anything. We should change that. We MUST change that. I don’t say that disparagingly about where I grew up and the environment there, or in my home. But beyond the events of the last week, the last few years have opened my eyes to a broader scope of reality. Which is this: the number of people who are marginalized and fighting for recognition and respect should make you weep. Until you see those realities up close, you may not even realize they exist.
I am up close.
Within my family are two of the most beautiful boys who are gay. Do I worry about them? Yes. Because I’m a mother. But also because there are people within this country continuing to believe that being created perfectly as a child of God exactly as you, anywhere on the LGBTQIA spectrum, is somehow wrong. As if you can change it. You can’t. God loves them, I love them, they are perfectly made. Period.
And once this mother wrapped her heart and mind around that fact, my heart was cracked open. Not only for the LGBTQIA community but for all marginalized people.
That’s how it works.
You begin to see the fractures within the social justice system once you’re up close. The events of the past week in the U.S. highlighted racism that continues to marginalize significant groups of people. And as I’ve felt drawn to reach out to my black and brown brothers and sisters, I realize that I have lived with the benefit of unearned privilege that wasn’t even on my radar. Not seeing the disparity between what I think is ‘normal’ and the experience among BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color).
My mind has changed.
Each one of us should be examining our hearts and mind and asking questions. Which means talking about it. We need to be learning about the experience of other people whose childhoods were not like our own. Who are not living today with the same liberties we may take for granted. That person might be our neighbor. There was a time when a Hispanic friend and I spent a great many hours together -living life. Not once during those months did I learn (or ask) of the racist comments made to him during his childhood, in the same neighborhoods where we lived that day. The names he was called. I learned those facts last week, because I shared a desire to learned from my BIPOC friends and he reached out. I am grateful for friends who are willing to engage in necessary conversations.
Do the best you can until you know better.
Then when you know better, do better.
Maya Angelou
Once I was told “You’ve changed,” as an accusation. As though it was a betrayal. It was not. What is a betrayal is to see the truth, what’s true for you, and continue to live outside your integrity. Brené Brown defines integrity as “Choosing courage over comfort; choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast and easy; and choosing to practice our values over simply professing them.” Integrity is one of my core values, and I choose courage.
Do I have all of this figured out? Not even a little bit. But what I do know is I have a lot to learn. I suspect many of us do. Learn about the experience that is different than our own, by listening, by asking questions. Have brave conversations. Lift up the voices of those who are different providing a platform to speak their truth.
And those words, I hope they change your heart. They’re changing mine.