Celebrating the 4th AND…we’ve got work to do

My maternal grandfather was born on the Fourth of July. I remember celebrating his birthday along with the U.S. of A. Cake added to the festivities otherwise consisting of standard barbeque fare and likely a scrumptious pie baked by my grandmother. He’s been gone more than 30 years now, unexpectedly gone far too soon, but the 4^th of July brings him to the forefront of my mind. This year, I’m also thinking about our country, and find myself pondering our annual celebration. Admittedly, pondering what we celebrate but also feeling a pull to consider how far we must go as a country. We became free from British rule long ago but have constructed our own formal and informal systems of ‘rule.’ Celebration creates conflicting feelings within me because those ‘rules’ restrict true freedom for all. And we can’t ignore it. Collectively, we’ve got work to do.

As children, we take in the rules we’re given

‘Back in the day’ (which characterizes anything from my youth in my kids’ opinion) we embraced the Fourth of July. Celebrating with gusto our freedom from British rule. Never did I question those celebrations, and even today, view them benignly. Because the celebration was solely about our freedom as a nation. Children follow along with our parents’ traditions.

As children, we view through a narrow lens. Primarily for our own safety. We don’t have the mental capacity to navigate the complexities of life. Thank goodness. Honestly, I’m a proponent of letting children be children. Kids have their own work to do learning how to walk, talk, ride a bike, eat popsicles without getting an ice cream headache…normal kid stuff. We’re also learning how to navigate our family structure. For the first 18ish years of our lives, we blindly accept what our parents tell us as truth, because it is. It’s their truth. Intended to keep us safe and indoctrinate us into the ‘ways of the world’ in the manner that worked for them.

And then…there’s college

Fast forward to college, aka, the stage in which we know more than anyone else. Especially our parents. We meet people from different corners of the country who introduce us to new perspectives. Ones we’ve haven’t considered. Many of which seem valid and true to us. And so, emboldened with our newfound independence (whether you’re in college or simply 18 and ‘launching’), we try on ideas of our own. Ideas which often conflict with those we were raised to believe.

With gusto we espouse newly formed beliefs without fully thinking them through, because…our brains are not yet fully functional. Until we’re 25 or so, we operate from the Amygdala, which is the emotional part of the brain. In the years that follow, our prefrontal lobe is fully formed and we’re able to exhibit better judgement and comprehend the long-term consequences of our actions. Oh, the grief that would have saved me…

Coming into our own

Armed with our ideals from college, we progress through adulthood. At some point, coming into ideas and beliefs of our own. If I’m brutally honest with myself, I continued to follow the ideas prescribed by my parents well into my early adult life. Because they were safe. I’m also a recovering people pleaser and branching out with ideas of my own, with the possibility of running afoul of those I trusted was too unsettling to attempt.

Granted, the purely stupid things I did in my early 20’s, which I won’t bore you with, diminished. Thank the good lord in heaven. But I followed the pack until the crashing waves of midlife descended upon me.

Opening our eyes to the world around us

I’m a bit jealous of those whose awakening began earlier. And by awakening, I’m not talking about running around naked in the rain and chanting. Unless that’s your thing. I attend a good number of meditative/soul connection/ women’s events that are, maybe, slightly, woo-woo. Bring on the woo. A friend of mine asked me upon returning if I was naked. Apparently, woo = naked. It’s become our thing and I do not mind it one bit. Curiosity marks this phase in life resulting in what sometimes feels like endless personal work. Worth it.

The result? Sorting through the ideas I’ve believed as true to determine which are true for me. The other result? LOTS of reading and personal growth. Curiosity has also led me down a path to understanding that which I wish I’d learned in school. The actions taken by our forefathers that may have led to freedom from foreign rule but created systems of oppression within our borders. For people of color, women, LGBTQIA+ rights…for those different than those leading the country. It may be 220 years later, but those systems are not extinct. We’ve got work to do.

Impact your world

I often feel my voice doesn’t make an impact. And you might feel similarly. But here’s what I know.

We can impact our world. Those within our sphere of influence. The people who we interact with. Not by smashing them over the head with fear tactics or a barrage of accusations. Personally, that would land me smack in the middle of an anxiety attack.

Nope, by sharing the truth. Sharing a different perspective. Sharing impact. Drawing closer. Because up close? It’s hard to hate people. We follow the systems and rules that keep us safe, those we learned as children, and that makes it hard to change our minds. It can feel like turning our back on family and those we’ve trusted. But it doesn’t have to be. It’s a matter of knowing that they we’re ‘wrong,’ they were a product of their system. We can make other choices, influence those around us. Create new systems that pave the path for true independence. We’ve got work to do, but I believe in us. Be brave my fellow journey-people. The road is long but we’re on it together.

Happy Birthday Grandpa.