Category: Face the fear

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He so loved the world…

love yourself 2The last few days I’ve been thinking about the concept of love. More specifically, loving myself and others loving themselves. I think it’s pressing on me this week given that today is Easter. The verse from the Bible, “For God so loved the world…” John 3:16, seems particularly significant at this time of the year. What I was thinking about the other day is the idea that God so loved me. God so loved you. And it made me stop for a minute.

Granted, I’ve heard that my whole life and believe it, but I wonder if I ever believed it, believed it in my heart? And why is that? The answer goes a lot deeper. To believe someone, I suppose even God, would love me, I would have to believe that I’m lovable. That doesn’t mean I don’t think people love me, I believe that. But do you ever really think about loving yourself? Knowing others love me is one thing, accepting it is another. Really how can I accept it when I question if I truly love myself.

I wonder if I’m atypical in my thinking? Sometimes we’re told that if we love ourselves we’re prideful, or self-absorbed. Instead, we spend our lives looking for ways to make ourselves better. We work on creating versions of ourselves that we believe meet the expectations of everyone around us. We fight against our true selves. I’ll love myself when…I’m accomplished, I’m the right weight, I’ve really made a difference, fill in the blank. We put it off, holding off unconditional love until we are just right. But will we ever be “just right?”

Probably not. At least not from our perspective. And if we don’t love ourselves unconditionally, how are we going to accept that kind of love from anyone else? From God, from our spouse? Whether or not they put parameters around it, we will. And in doing so we hold ourselves back from experiencing the love that could be ours. I’d even say that it’s a cycle that can undermine our relationships. Shortchanging ourselves of the abundant love that’s there for us, that God intended for us. We dismiss the love others freely give to us because we can’t believe it’s true.

This week during my quiet time, when my mind was supposed to be still, it wasn’t (honestly, it never is), and in wandering, it stumbled over the strongest feeling that I need to lay down what is holding me back from loving myself, just as I am. Honestly, that’s a little scary, the “just as I am,” part. Again though, if I can’t love my authentic self, how can I accept the love others have for me? And so I will. I’ll love myself, just as I am. I invite you the search your heart and honestly love yourself. Bravely examine your heart to determine if you accept love from others, from God. On this Easter day, I believe that we should all look for more love in the world, starting with ourselves and from there, sharing that love with others, just as God intended. I hope I can count you in for taking the journey with me.

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Pilot Lights

Finds what sparks youOver the last few years, I’ve had a saga with my air conditioning. I’ve called my home warranty to fix it every year. A couple years ago, someone came out and whatever was going on led them into the attic. After hours up there and even more time at the unit outside, like magic, I had cool air again. I didn’t think twice about it until the cooler weather rolled around. Something didn’t seem quite right. It was the time of year that was dark outside and cold inside, without the air on, and my heater was not performing up to par. My son and I couldn’t figure it out and I spent a good amount of time on the phone with support trying to make sure my thermostat worked. Finally, they agreed to send someone out. First place the guy went? Attic. When he emerged a short time later, I found out I’d just paid $60 to have him relight my pilot light. Apparently, the guy over the summer put it out during the air fiasco and it doesn’t magically relight itself. Once on, the heat fired up and life was good.

It’s amazing to me that a small spark lights the pilot and it leads to heat throughout the house.

Some of you have followed my coaching journey which has basically been…go through coaching class…get fired up…pass my exam and become a certified coach…watch the fire dwindle. I use it at work at times and don’t get me wrong, it’s enormously helpful. But other than that, my passion to launch into that arena has fizzled somewhat. I think to some degree it’s been self-preservation. Continuing to yearn for something I couldn’t seem to wrap my brain around, launching a coaching practice, just made me feel like I was a failure. In my head I thought I had to be in business for myself to be legit. Again, coaching at work fills my passion to some degree, but not entirely.

While I don’t have a coaching practice, I do coach people here and there and after a year had accumulated the hours necessary to apply for the next level coaching certification. I did, but before I could be awarded the certification, I had to take an exam. Boo! Not a fan of tests but Friday, I sucked it up and took it. After more than two hours and losing internet connection twice (leading me to relocate to Starbucks for their reliable internet – and iced green tea, I’m addicted), I got the screen “are you sure you want to submit and be scored?” No, not really. But I did, and I passed.  ACC – check.

Afterwards, I reflected on the feelings I experienced during the exam. It challenged me and excited me at the same time. As I worked through the different situations, it reminded me of the passion I have for coaching. Working with people and helping them find their answers so they can more forward in life. Oddly enough, the exam was like that pilot light in my attic. It sparked the passion I’d put on the back burner.

So now here I am, more letters behind my name – for whatever that’s worth – and a renewed passion for the field I found later in life, but that I think life prepared me for. How I keep the passion engaged is a bit unknown to me right now, but I don’t want to lose the spark, the pilot light, that fires up the whole thing. I’ll keep using it the way I am now, but I’m looking for more. If I’m being authentic, I have to be honest and say I’ve likely been a bit fearful and that’s held me back. Fearful of failing. But I’ve also learned that failing is ok because I’ll learn from it.

Even though I don’t know what’s next, what I do know is that I’ll be brave. I’ve held myself back on many things in life and I’m about done with that. Are you holding back? Stopping yourself from living out your gifts and talents, your passion out of fear? Come along with me then. If we fail, we fail, but we can say we step out and lived bravely.

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Who do you compare to?

comparisonI’ve been doing a women’s devotional called the Comparison Trap by Sandra Stanley. It stems from a series of sermons her husband, Andy Stanley, gave where he talks about that battle with Er. Have you heard of it? The battle to be prettier, wealthier, thinner, happier, craftier… pick our own Er battle, but the truth is we all have them. Pinterest, love it, daily user, not gonna lie, gives you opportunities every day to feel less-er, comparing to the glorious homes, birthday parties, glam that others have going for them. Beyond the Joanna Gaines inspired homes I recently perused, there are many other ways we compare each day – Facebook, Instagram, you name it – people putting on their best game for us to view, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling less than.

In the devotional yesterday, I was challenged to look at what I’m jealous of, envious, where I’m dissatisfied. Here’s the straight up truth. Yes, I desire the beautifully decorated homes, but if I think of others, I’m not jealous of them. Other people who have more? I’m genuinely happy for them. And as I did the exercise, I thought I must be missing it if I didn’t have jealously, but I don’t. Then it hit me. The a-ha moment.

It’s not others I’m comparing to, it’s myself.

My own standards for excellence.

Ouch – that smack in the face hurts.

The comparison battle I wage is with myself. I fight a battle to reach a standard of excellence I’ve created in my mind. I have this ideal that has evolved over the years that I compare myself to every day. It starts each morning when I get dressed. Pants a little snug? Falling short there. Miss something at work? Yep, another shortcoming. Haven’t cleaned my house this week? Cooked a 5-star meal for my husband? All areas where I think I should be performing. Not in comparison to anyone else, but against the vision of myself I’ve created over the years. And I suppose that was based on the barrage of messages I’ve received from many, many sources, over the years. The challenge today is that it’s become engrained in my mind as who I should be.

As I sat and thought about that reality yesterday, I was not a fan. Not one little bit. My battle is an internal one, my mind playing out a storyline that’s not true. So how to stop it?

The same way I stopped the comparison to other people. Over the years, I’ve shifted my thinking to appreciate other people instead of being jealous or envious of them. I appreciate beauty in others. Would rather share their success than envy it. Celebrate their creativity and gain insight from them. Genuinely admire their individuality and know that their journey is theirs alone, not one I must mirror.

It’s the same thinking that leads to surrender in my own battle, and in yours. For me, shifting to appreciating myself, my circumstance, as unique unto me, for my own purpose, is the same as the shift that can happen in you.

It’s a challenge for me, it’s raw, but it’s also part of the authenticity journey I’ve chosen for this year. I know that many of you face comparison battles of your own. I get it. Today, could each of us choose to appreciate instead of compare? Be brave enough to turn the mirror to look at and appreciate ourselves for the unique people we are? And then celebrate each other? It’s a choice to love…ourselves and others. I hope you’ll make it with me.

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Love and Fear

love and fearMy mind has been swirling around a central theme for at least a month now which is the idea that all feelings, emotions, come from either love or fear. As I’ve rolled that around, I find that it’s coming up all over the place. Podcasts I listen to, books, devotionals I’m reading…all of which feels like a confirmation that my thoughts are well placed for the season I’m in.

One of the ways I’m testing the idea is to evaluate emotions I’m having against it. I’ll find myself feeling warm and fuzzy inside after seeing my son – and there is love. Or maybe I’m anxious about a conversation I need to have – fear. As I’ve gone through this mental exercise, I’ve found that it holds water.

Next I started thinking about God. How God loves us and desires for us to love others. I think about some of the rules in the Bible. They seem restrictive and harsh, but I believe they are there because God loves us, wants protect us, or, applying context, to protect people from the what was happening at the time, risks inherently associated with that time period, or from societal situations at the time. Let’s get real. Bacon wasn’t meant to be restricted forever, just when people couldn’t store pig properly and were likely getting trichinosis. Everything’s better with bacon (at least in theory…love the smell but don’t eat it much). You get the picture.

So if I believe that all emotions and feelings come from love or fear, which one am I going to choose? Every time, I can’t emphasize that enough, every time,  I’ll choose love. I’ve been focused for awhile on just loving others, so building in this principle is just an add on. What I’ve noticed is that loving on others is not hard, and it shifts me from a space where I may be quick to judge to one where I appreciate. I appreciate people for who they are. I get curious and try to understand them better. I want to know where they’re coming from, the shoes they’ve walked in.

I’ve also noticed that applying the love or fear idea to others has allowed me to stay in the tension, so to speak, with them. If they’re angry, I want to know what the fear is, because anger stems from fear. And by taking that approach, it helps remind me to not take it personally. Too often we get spun up in a situation because we take how someone is behaving personally. It’s not about us. They may think it’s about us, but it’s not, at least deep down it’s not. And the same is true when you’re the one whose upset. You may think it’s about someone else but keep asking yourself questions until you get to the bottom of it, you’ll find it’s about something in you.

As I define my authentic self, I know with absolute certainty that love is part of who I am. Loving others is a significant aspect component in my life. Finding ways to show love, to care for others, it’s my hearts’ desire. But I still have fear. There are still the days when I create the great American novel in my head telling the story of what someone else must be thinking, or assigning motive to their actions. That story describes behavior I don’t understand. Fear drives that.

When I stop and look at it from a place of love, the story stays written on paper and not in my head. Each of us has the ability to break emotion and feelings down to the basics of love and fear and I’d encourage you to try. Consider your feelings objectively and then choose to feel from a space of love, just as God does. Love yourself and love others. That’s it.

 

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Let’s talk emotions

love-is-a-thousand-emotions-joined-tgether-as-oneWith Valentine’s day approaching, it seems like a great time to talk about emotions. I’m currently taking Brene Brown’s “Brave Leaders” course online and it is amazing in so many ways. I’m currently in a deep dive in courage which involves exploring how we show up in life. Is it with vulnerability, with empathy? It’s a fascinating course, and I love Brene Brown so….there’s that.

But, loving this course doesn’t mean it’s a walk in the park. As is the bulk of Brene’s work, it’s valuable to the degree you dig in, look at more than the easy response. You have to take a deep breath and get ready because often times what you discover has more than a lingering impact.

That’s what happened to me this week. There was an exercise on “emotional literacy” to help you understand emotions you experience and what it looks like when you’re moving through that emotion. Often times, what other people experience when you’re in that space is only the surface emotion, and there is a whole lot more going on underneath the surface.

I’ll let you play along…abbreviated version…just for fun. Read this list of emotions. Which ones can you recognize and describe as you’re experiencing them.

Anxious    Belonging    Blame    Curious    Disappointed    Excited    Embarrassment     Fear    Frustrated     Gratitude   Guilt    Happy    Hurt     Joy     Judgement     Love     Overwhelmed     Shame    Vulnerability

Maybe you circled the ones you can identify with, that you know when you’re in that emotion. Look at your words again. Notice any pattern? Here’s what I noticed that smacked me in the face. The bulk of emotions I could identify with were what I would label as negative (and the list was twice as long).

So I looked at the list again, I must have missed some positive emotions. Nope. Being honest and truthful with myself there were more negative emotions I could identify with than positive.

That realization really made me go inside my head. If I’m honest with myself, my words were not a surprise to me. I’m a fairly serious person by nature. I’m working on lightening up, and there are moments of it, but I’ve been called serious more than once. But looking at the list as seeing more negative emotions, fear-based emotions, caused me to pause. Maybe you felt the something similar?

Instead of spiraling into a shame storm of, I’m not a good person, I made a choice. That choice was to identify the root of those emotions.

In my mind, looking at the root goes back a long ways. And I don’t look at the root to place blame, but to understand it, and to move through it. Because here’s the deal. Those emotions might show up, but they shouldn’t be what comes up the majority of the time. They are coming from a place of fear, even if that fear is only subconscious, but it’s fear nonetheless.

I choose to come from a place of love. To consciously view situations from a place of love. That doesn’t mean I don’t experience other emotions, like hurt, at times, but I can choose to shift the lens of how I view my situation so I don’t stay in that space.

How about you? I’m not gonna lie, this is not easy work. But it’s oh so valuable. It’s part of being an authentic version of myself. It’s being brave. My encouragement to you is to think about emotions you recognize…and pause. Reflect on where they come from. It’s up to you to make the choice of how you want to experience a situation, the story you want to tell yourself about it. As for me, my journey is to change my lens to love. Myself, and others, it’s what God would call us to do. Love others. Don’t wait to figure it all out, start…right…now! Be brave my friends.

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The battle inside

Authenticity-Quote-2I’ve been thinking lately about the changes we go through in life, namely, menopause. Well, maybe not menopause itself, but this process my female body is going through as I transition in life to something else, something unknown. For me, it started years ago, the hot flashes, the moods, all that jazz. Now I’m in a new phase – the done phase – but there are other things that come with that, some of which I’m none to pleased about. I keep looking for the answer, the fix. The solution that will make what I’m experiencing stop.

But here’s the thing I’m realizing. It’s not going to stop. There is no magic pill but nonetheless I’ve spent an awful lot of time and energy looking for the solution. What I’m starting to realize is, all that stuff I’m experiencing? It’s part of the deal. The female body is meant to be in this phase. As I’ve said before, I grew two humans with my body, my body has done amazing things, but now it’s done with that and on to supporting me in different experiences in life. The a-ha I had the other day was that I’ve been fighting, resisting this process that is natural. I’m not fighting because I’m afraid of it, at least I don’t think so. But because my view of the ideal, the way I think I should look and feel, is not what I’m experiencing. So there’s this internal battle constantly waging within me. It’s the battle I’m fighting.

In all honesty, it’s part of self-acceptance. Of accepting my body the way it’s supposed to be in this phase of life. Of loving it instead of wanting parts of it to ‘get with the program.’ The longer I stay in opposition with myself, is that much less I can actually enjoy what ahead for me in this stage.

So as my mind does, it spun the idea that I may be fighting with myself into other areas of life. Think about it. Maybe it’s that feeling that you are just short of fulfilling your purpose. But for whatever reason, it’s just at the end of your fingertips. There is always something that holds you back. Truth is, I’m starting to wonder if that something is you, or in my case, me. I have ambitions that I’ll stop short of because I fight myself on it. I find the excuses. Excuses that are really just a mask for fear.

It’s that way in relationships at times. The desire to go deeper is there. It’s so real that you can almost touch it. Almost. But you don’t. You keep creating circumstances that stop you just short of going deep, or true connection. Why are you doing that???

The fight, I think, is somewhat to maintain the status quo. The reality that I’ve created for myself. The changes in life, the progression of my body, stepping into my purpose, my calling, they rock the boat. I fight to keep things as they are, not because I necessarily like the status quo, but I know it. The harder I fight, the more I hold on to the very thing that I’m supposed to be moving through, moving past. Experiences I’m naturally designed and destined to move through – or move into. There is no magic that’s going to get me there.  It’s only by allowing myself to stop fighting and to embrace, to relax into it, to love the journey.

So, I ask you, what are you fighting? What battle can you lay down? What can you do today to embrace you and all the joy God has for you? Today, not tomorrow. We’ve waited long enough. Be authentic, be brave.

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What’s holding you back?

Its-Not-Who-You-Are-That-Holds-You-BackI watch This is Us. If you don’t, your missing up on some good drama. A tug at your heart every week, sometimes for unexpected reasons. There are elements of the show, in each of the characters, I relate to. This week I was left thinking about one of the scenes that really spoke to me. So this is your spoiler alert, I’m going to talk about it.

Kate, one of the main characters, is morbidly obese and one of the storylines is around her struggle and wanting to lose weight. The story is told is current day and in flashbacks. This week they showed Kate in a flashback at about 16/17 years old. She was shopping for a prom dress and had the number 7 written on her wrist. As she recalled this story, you saw her grab a variety sizes and when she tried the 7 on, it fit perfectly. But she had struggled with weight her whole life. And having a piece of clothing she really wanted fit was an experience she didn’t know how to have. Instead, she tried on a size 3 dress that was far to small, and the sensation of it not fitting, of having to struggle, was one she could relate to. She left that dressing room presumably disgusted with herself, no dress in hand.

It made me wonder how often that happens, whether it be about weight, or about some other piece of ourselves that we work diligently to change, but when it does, we don’t feel equipped, or prepared, to give up our old reality, old definitions of ourselves, and step into our new way of being. I know I’ve struggled with weight and body image a long time and for me to be in a space where I’m friends with myself, with my body, seems to be fleeting. I may not like it, but I’m a lot more comfortable in the space of not liking myself, of how I look.

And I don’t like that I do that, that I stay in that negative image space. I’ve been working long and hard to make progress on it, and I think I’m making strides. From not being fixated about a number on the scale (which I no longer own,) to ignoring the number on my pants.

How do we stay there? How do we embrace the new space we want to be in when our old space…old worn out space…is so comfy, so cozy, so inviting. The new space might feel intimidating. You don’t have all of your ways of operating figured out in this new space. It’s not as comfortable. Here’s what I’d tell you. That’s not a bad thing.  It takes risk. It take realizing that you may have been created “for such a time as this,” (Esther 4:14).  What aspect of your life, what calling, what purpose, are you holding back from out of fear, out of leaving the shore…leaving the cozy. If you want to make strides toward being authentic, to being the best you, it takes being brave. I, for one, think we can do it. I’m in your corner and can’t wait to see where it leads us.

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Both Feet In

Step in yourselfIt’s the day before Christmas, and I’m thinking about celebrating the birth of Christ. But I’m also thinking about life. Where I am today, where I’ve been and where I’m headed. I think that’s fairly normal with New Year’s right around the corner. Although I’m working on breaking this habit, I have a tendency to look at the mold I think I was formed to fit within, and compare myself to that. The expectations, the Pinterest board of everything I should be doing.

Consider Christmas. I love having my family with me. This year, I had my husband (of course), both of my adulting children, my mom and stepdad. We celebrate Christmas whenever we can get all of us together, which was this weekend. True to form, I planned out dinner, games, present time…I cooked, wrapped, cleaned…you know, basically exhausted myself. Who asked me to do that? No one! So what’s up with that??

I’m getting to my point…just stick with me.

Here’s what went down in my head throughout our celebration. I was an observer. I spend time making sure everyone was having a good time. I was in the fun, but always had one foot out because I was making sure people were fed, had drinks, and all that jazz. I think this is the female brain with traditional programming. In my case, I try, but can’t quite let myself be fully in because there’s so much to do.

I hold back. Somewhat afraid, I think, to really let go and just be in the moment. To step into the flow. It’s years of oldest child programming…if you are one, like me, you know what I’m talking about. So…much…responsibility. You get it.

Deep breath.

In this midst of all this, I saw this Brian Andres painting/quote and it stopped me. It rolled around in my head and brought me back to the journey I’ve been on for all of 2017. To just be. To step into myself, to love myself just as I am, and to do that not because of what I do, but because of who I am. Put achievements aside and just love the person.

What is that so hard??? Why do I fall back into the mode of performing so easily? Because the truth of it is that it takes away from relaxing into the person I am. I think Brian Andres has it right when he says,

“…You may not even notice how quickly you forget all the years you spend being afraid of exactly this.” That’s where I am. Asking myself what I’m afraid of that keeps me from being exactly who God created me to be. Stepping into living his purpose, which includes, for one, enjoying and being with my family.

What does all that mean for me? If you’re on this journey too, what does it mean for you? What is it that tugs at your heart, makes it flutter, brings you joy? That thing that we always tell…I’ll do that tomorrow. I’ll do it when… Why not today?

I don’t think it’s about resolutions. It’s about embracing your true self. The self God created you to be. The joy and ease that comes with it will be amazing. You still have time. As you celebrate Christmas with your family, whatever your family looks like, truly be there. Step in with both feet. People will still get fed. Dishes will get done. Gifts will get wrapped, or maybe they won’t – that’s why we have bags, stick it in, no one will really care. Christmas is about celebrating Christ’s birth and doing that with our families. The family you are a part of, not a bystander to. Let go of expectation and just be with those you love. To be your true self is brave, it’s the person you were made to be. We get to wake up each day and choose to step into that person. Together.

Love to you this Christmas my friends.

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To decorate or not decorate?

ChristmasChristmas is 15 days away and I haven’t decorated my house yet. By not decorated, I mean not…one…little…bit. No garland, no wreath, no lights, nothing, nada. And I celebrate Christmas. It’s not like I’m a non-celebrater. I will be celebrating Christ’s birth. So why is it I’m feeling like a bad person for not decorating?

Once again…it’s other people. No one in particular, just the sense that the rest of my family, friends, my neighborhood, even the Starbucks where I’m sitting to write this, are all in. The “story” I tell myself is that I’m lazy, not a good person for not decorating. Any good Christmas celebrating person would have the boughs of holly, decked the halls and the tree and be singing silent night so many times they’re doing it in their sleep.

Do you see it? It’s the the story in my head creeping up again. Everyone is doing it. If you’re not doing it, you’re lazy, you must not really celebrate Christmas.  But that’s not the truth. Instead, it’s an unsuspecting way that we can beat ourselves down. I’ve talked about it before, the way that looking at the world, at “what everyone else is doing,” creates negative messages that invade our minds. My frequent loop is about my body, but those messages come through in many different ways. It could be about your body, your role as a wife, your parenting, your career…really, it’s those messages that start with “should,” and leave a train wreck of emotions leading us to feeling like we’re less of a person for whatever it is we’re not doing.

I’d like to be able to suggest an easy way out of this loop, but there isn’t one. Instead, it takes practice, just like anything else. It takes sitting in the space where you are and looking at the truth instead of those messages in your head. This is a time of the year when there are a lot of pressures to be “all that” to everyone. Buy the gifts, send the cards, decorate the house, plan and prepare a great meal, all while keeping up your daily life, basically be “all that and a bag of chips.” The impossible standard I say, at least impossible if you want to maintain your sanity and enjoy the reason we celebrate Christmas.

What would it look like if spent time thinking about what is really important to you and your most important relationships this Christmas season? Choose to do what is important, what holds meaning for you. Maybe it is decorating, but it may be spending time with people you love. Or it could be serving other people, showing them love. Maybe it really is decorating and if it is, that’s awesome! Honestly, I’ll probably decorate too, but I want it to match what I’m feeling on the inside, creating space to truly celebrate and love on my husband, children and family.

Will you take a minute to look at the path you’re on and consider if you’re going to arrive at Christmas frazzled and exhausted? If you are, consider making a shift in the path your on so that you will wake up on Christmas morning rested, thankful and ready to enjoy celebrating Christ’s birth. Going against what “everyone,” is doing isn’t always easy – especially in our minds – but choosing a purposeful path is authentic, it’s brave. And so are you.

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Authenticity – Sharing the real you

the struggleI had a conversation with a group of friends the other day about a struggle one was having with infertility. One of the things we talked about was how alone she felt. How nobody really talks about the struggle and how difficult it is. This led us to talking about another who experienced post-partum depression. I, of course, talked about the joys menopause. All female struggles, but significant in their own right.

The conversation wasn’t one of complaining, but of acknowledgement that nearly every one of us has “stuff.” And while we’re a small slice of the population, I believe we’re fairly representative. People going through life looking normal on the outside (whatever that is), but who have stuff. But we don’t talk about it…and sometimes we need to. Believing that we have shared stories, shared aspects of our lives, creates a feeling of belonging, which we all desire, whether we admit it or not. Lone wolfs are may be that way by choice, but I believe that choice may be the result of hurt and fear from past experiences exposing themselves to others. Or of pain from what happened when they were open and vulnerable.

So why do we hide our struggles?  Sometimes it’s because we don’t want to be seen as complaining. Seeking mutual support isn’t complaining, it’s human. We are designed to come together and support each other. Staying silent, alone…we’re not meant to live that way. When we’re isolated that’s when struggle really begins. We feel alone when in fact there are others, likely others within our own peer group, who are faced with the same thing. And whatever we’re feeling is more difficult alone.

When we are open about what we’re going through, when we take that step, and connect with people who are like us, it normalizes our struggle. It helps us to see that we’re not alone. We’re part of a larger community, one who helps us with what we’re going through. It can be scary to take that step, but it’s no critical, and so worth it.

So at this time of year when we come together with family, think about who you need to come together with to share those hidden areas of your life. Yep, I get that could be the scary step, it involves exposing yourself to someone else. But the reward can be so great, like air after holding your breath. Having others to share your struggle won’t make it go away, but it will help you realize you’re not alone.

And you’ll be doing the same for someone else. Someone who equally needs support and who will be thankful for you. In the end, you may find the gift you give someone else through sharing is greater than you could imagine.

It starts with taking the first step. Are in you in? I believe in you and you are not alone. Be brave today.