Reminding me of the events of my life 4 years ago, Facebook shared my memories the other day of a solo trip I took to Boulder. In advance of a work meeting in Denver the following week, I made my way to the picturesque town for the weekend. Hiked like crazy, joined free yoga at a local studio, and wrote and wrote and wrote. About my life, and dreams and desires. When I returned home, I set in motion a portion of those dreams, which, in the end, were more a playing out of unfinished business. But what I desired, what I knew was calling me, I neatly packed away in the back of my mind.
Why we sideline our dreams
Because it didn’t feel safe. That particular dream would have caused me to upend my stability and venture into something new. And while my passion for it, the yearning, was strong, inertia and safety was stronger. But the dream didn’t die. Instead, it has continued to roll around inside of me, poking at me, causing anxiety and angst…for four years. Quite contrary to the calm and stillness I desired and more importantly, desire today.
So often, we trade our dreams and desire for safety. For living the stable life our parents want for us, or our spouse wants for us, that we’re told is the life we should want. At the end of the day though, who is living your life? Of course, if you have a partner, life is co-conceived, but that shared vision shouldn’t exclude the pursuit of your own dreams in addition to joint dreams. You’re allowed to have shared and separate lives. As an Enneagram 9, I ignored that for too long.
There is no time to wait
For those not familiar with the Enneagram, check it out now. How my type 9 shows up is a desire to keep the peace, to the point of putting myself aside to maintain relational peace (at least peace on the surface). What I notice is that desired peace also shows up in my relationship with myself, and taking steps towards a new path are scary, unknown, and potentially ‘unsafe’, whatever that is. While that desire for peace remains strong, I’m noticing it’s had an unexpected side effect…internal anxiety.
Knowing the path I’m longing for is within my reach and not pursuing it produces anxiety. An internal push/pull. Truly though, there is no time to wait. None of us know what will happen tomorrow, and if I wake up ten years from now without having pursued my heart’s calling, dammit I’ll be mad at myself. Seriously.
After the first step, it gets easier
Think about a new skill you learned recently. When you started, the thought of it may have been daunting. However, the longer you kept at it, the easier it became to the point where you wondered why you were intimidated in the first place. When I used to ride Double Centuries (yes in fact that is 200 miles on a bike, in one day), people would say they could never do it. Of course they could, if they wanted to. I certainly didn’t jump on my bike and go from riding zero miles to 200 in a week. It took time and practice. Only then did it become doable.
Which is exactly how we make our dreams reality. We take one step at a time. The anxiety I may (ok, do) feel rolling around inside of me this exact minute, it will dissipate. So will yours. I promise. Your dreams and desires are there for a reason. They’re pointing you in the direction you’re called to go. They are not in your mind by accident, stop treating them like they are. And yes, I’m listening too. You’ll know you’re on the right path because the farther you go the more calm and stillness you’ll have.
One step. Maybe that’s all you take today. But one will lead to another, forward motion will continue. What seems daunting and insurmountable will arrive sooner than you even expect it. But it will not if you don’t start moving. And as we realize the fruition of those dreams? Our anxiety will slip away and be replaced with the calm and stillness our wholehearted lives crave. Take a step…I’m with you my friends. Be brave. Lisa