Finding happiness in midlife

Wes, that’s the name of the lifeguard at my neighborhood YMCA who plays the best poolside music at 5 a.m. I’m all about getting my 80’s jam on, and he throws in the Cure, Smiths, Journey and a little Girl from Ipanema to keep us on our toes. Seriously, my happiness increases as each beat brings a swell of memories and I’m catapulted back to that decade.

Chloe, an early bird swimmer in the next lane and I were commenting on Wes’ absence from the deck recently and the subsequent musical decline. I shared my love of the 80’s as my high school and college musical anthem. Deadpan she looked at me and said she was born in ’85. As in 1.9.8.5. I followed my barely suppressed sharp intake of breath with, “that’s when I graduated from high school.” And as I left the pool that day thinking about the balance of our conversation…which I’ll get too…I was grateful for the happiness of this age. Unexpected happiness found in my 50’s.

Is there a secret society?

In my 30’s, as Chloe mirrored in her own comments, I thought that once my kids were out of school, easy breezy, lemon squeezy. Really. I thought that once the youngest was out of college, I’d be sailing on easy street. Oh, you silly, silly girl.

I could not have been more wrong.

1. Kids are tougher to parent as adults. It’s a fact. Perhaps a fact I made up, but countless parents will agree.
2. My mid 40’s were a disaster. The worst. Hormone hell. Inner turmoil. Outer turmoil. All.the.things.
3. I felt like a significant shift was happening inside of me and didn’t have the wherewithal to do anything more than struggle through.

No one, and I mean ZERO people had even whispered to me about what came with midlife. Sure, the midlife crisis and the sports car, who hasn’t heard of that, but for women? Had my head been in the sand? Day after day of the struggle bus. Approaching my mid-40’s there should have been one of those road signs posted, “Sharp Turn Ahead.” Instead? Crickets.

But wait, there’s hope

As hope fluttered slowly to the ground and 50 stared me in the eyes, an unexpected shift happened. Life felt lighter. F’real. Turns out, plenty has been written about midlife, I simply hadn’t discovered it yet. I started to find my people, women with shared experiences. My own life thus far led me to conclude that as we age, all that stuff we a) accumulated; b) worried about; c) stressed over; d) thought was important, doesn’t matter all that much. Perhaps it was all that stuff that sparked the midlife turmoil. At 50 and beyond, I’m finding I reserve my energy for things that actually matter and care less about those that don’t.

I’m not alone in wondering about midlife as my bookshelf will attest. One source of hope is found in studies which show happiness increases as we age. There’s a name for it, the Happiness U-Curve. And midlife? Midlife is conveniently found at the bottom of the U-Curve. Because, life. Genuinely, wisdom comes with age. All the things preoccupying our minds in midlife begin slipping in importance. Priorities shift. We care more about connection than collection, comparison or competition. Life slows down and we are gifted with opportunities to appreciate it.

We discover happiness

My youngest niece is nearly a year old and I’m fortunate to live close to her since my recent move. The joy and happiness that fills my heart playing with her is…unexpected. She’s not the first niece or nephew and I love all of them. Perhaps it’s the stage of life I’m in where I feel I can immerse with her and enjoy the moment more so than I have in the past. It’s simple, and it’s pure happiness.

I’m also delighted every single day by the sunrise that paints the morning clouds and reflects on the lake beside my house. Not once has it disappointed. This phase, it’s unexpected and filled with happiness at the simple joys of life. And if I’m to believe the U-Curve, my happiness now is about the same as it was in my late 30’s…before the dark years…and not nearly as strong as it will be in the years ahead.

Perhaps that’s why I’m drawn to women my age and older. Companions on the journey facing us today. We’re explorers of new dimensions within as we strip away the layers of who we’ve been told to be to discover who we really are, and the happiness that’s found within our true nature. But for today, wherever you are on the happiness curve, it’s where you’re supposed to be. Because we require each step of the journey before the next. And I’m on that journey with you. Be brave my friends. Lisa