Category: Be Kind

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Let’s talk addiction…well sort of

View More: http://mercarty.pass.us/lisa_kirbyYes, I said addiction, and I’m not going to be talking about alcohol, or drugs. Yes, those can be addictions, absolutely. What I want to talk about are those behaviors, habits, patterns, that we’re addicted to, maybe not even consciously, that continue to create issues in our lives.  That keep us away from being our true authentic self, but which we do anyways.

If you think about an addiction, it usually is based on the feeling that you get when you engage in the behavior. It’s the feeling that you crave, that you repeat over and over. Robert Palmer sang about being “Addicted to Love.” If you take it literally, it was probably the addiction to the endorphin rush that comes with being with someone you love. Those feelings of safety, and peace, and belonging.

But what about when the addiction is not so benign? Lately I’ve been thinking about that question related to my own behaviors. I’ve noticed that I tend to get fired up about taking an action, a class, to embark on a shift in the way I do certain aspects of life. I have all types of plans swirling around in my head. I’ll take notes, I’ll start plans…and somewhere along the way, I’ll end up leaving a pile of dreams on the side of the road. I’ll be frustrated for a while, trying unsuccessfully to restart the fire. Usually that’s followed by a period of apathy. Don’t care. Don’t need to be growing. Abandon the creative passions that bring me energy. Slowly giving away my purpose.

I don’t like it.

But…I know it.

This week, I started questioning myself about it. Why is it that I allow myself to go through this cycle? There have been times when I push through it, absolutely. Last year I went through my 6-month coaching program. Nailed it. Loved it. Came out ready to set the world on fire. But I stopped feeding the dream and eventually it faded. And I have to wonder, is it part of an addiction? What’s the feeling inside me that comes up when I let a dream die? Easy answer. It’s disappointment in myself. It’s the voice in my head saying “of course you didn’t do it, it wasn’t important, you overreached…again…you’re not meant for anything big…anything exciting…not worth it.” It’s an ugly voice, but I recognize it, I know what to do when it comes up. I slow down. I settle.

That feeling that comes up, that disappointment, in myself, or that I perceive others have in me, it didn’t develop yesterday. Not a mid-life crisis thing. No, I’m sure it’s been buried in me for years. So I call it an addiction, but is it? Maybe. It’s a pattern. I don’t seek the feeling but know what to do with it. It keeps me small, safe in a way because I become hesitant to take risks.

I want to call B.S. on it. I want to find a different feeling. One that is healthier. One that is growing. These are choices we have. We can choose to follow the same pattern, same feeling we’re addicted to, or we can take different actions. And that probably won’t be comfortable, it’ll be new, maybe scary. But to be our authentic selves, for me to be my authentic self, I have to make different choices. I’m asking you today to think about what feeling you’re ready to give up, need to give up. Identify it and know that you can start behaving differently today. You don’t need that feeling anymore. I’m walking it out with you and know that we can do it, we can be brave, together.

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What’s holding you back?

Its-Not-Who-You-Are-That-Holds-You-BackI watch This is Us. If you don’t, your missing up on some good drama. A tug at your heart every week, sometimes for unexpected reasons. There are elements of the show, in each of the characters, I relate to. This week I was left thinking about one of the scenes that really spoke to me. So this is your spoiler alert, I’m going to talk about it.

Kate, one of the main characters, is morbidly obese and one of the storylines is around her struggle and wanting to lose weight. The story is told is current day and in flashbacks. This week they showed Kate in a flashback at about 16/17 years old. She was shopping for a prom dress and had the number 7 written on her wrist. As she recalled this story, you saw her grab a variety sizes and when she tried the 7 on, it fit perfectly. But she had struggled with weight her whole life. And having a piece of clothing she really wanted fit was an experience she didn’t know how to have. Instead, she tried on a size 3 dress that was far to small, and the sensation of it not fitting, of having to struggle, was one she could relate to. She left that dressing room presumably disgusted with herself, no dress in hand.

It made me wonder how often that happens, whether it be about weight, or about some other piece of ourselves that we work diligently to change, but when it does, we don’t feel equipped, or prepared, to give up our old reality, old definitions of ourselves, and step into our new way of being. I know I’ve struggled with weight and body image a long time and for me to be in a space where I’m friends with myself, with my body, seems to be fleeting. I may not like it, but I’m a lot more comfortable in the space of not liking myself, of how I look.

And I don’t like that I do that, that I stay in that negative image space. I’ve been working long and hard to make progress on it, and I think I’m making strides. From not being fixated about a number on the scale (which I no longer own,) to ignoring the number on my pants.

How do we stay there? How do we embrace the new space we want to be in when our old space…old worn out space…is so comfy, so cozy, so inviting. The new space might feel intimidating. You don’t have all of your ways of operating figured out in this new space. It’s not as comfortable. Here’s what I’d tell you. That’s not a bad thing.  It takes risk. It take realizing that you may have been created “for such a time as this,” (Esther 4:14).  What aspect of your life, what calling, what purpose, are you holding back from out of fear, out of leaving the shore…leaving the cozy. If you want to make strides toward being authentic, to being the best you, it takes being brave. I, for one, think we can do it. I’m in your corner and can’t wait to see where it leads us.

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The show must go on

The words on the front of the memorabilia shirt I got from the Celine Dion concert we went to a couple weeks ago. In a way, those words are a good catch phrase for my life. Not the end all be all phrase, but a good one. You see, I persevere. I’m a soldier, tough cookie. I can be a daisy, but when push comes to shove, I march forward. Think about it, when you see an obstacle, does it stop you, or do you go MacGyver on it and figure out not only a way around but re-engineer it so it’s now an advantage to you? Yeah, I’m usually MacGyver. I take pride in making opportunities out of challenges. It’s the soldier thing.

I remember a time when I was probably 15 and my mom and stepdad took us kids on a backpacking trip. Being a teenager filled with angst, I was having none of it. I bitterly marched on, stone faced, determined not to have fun. After reaching the campsite and dropping our gear, we decided to go up to Summit Lake. A lake, in hindsight, that was beautiful. It sits at the border of the Hoover Wilderness and Yosemite. Along the way we had to cross what I think was a beaver dam across a river. As I went across, my left leg, prosthetic and all, went through the dam, up to my thigh in ice cold water.

Oh really beaver? Game on…

I pulled my leg out and with complete resolve went the rest of the way to Summit Lake. Beaver be dammed (pun not so much intended, but oh so convenient). I wanted no help, nada. The show must go on. I can actually still remember the route to that lake in my head. I think I’d enjoy it a lot more now since nature is my jam, but then? I was a soldier.

So this week, I’ve had an illness trying to get hold of me. True to form, I marched forward. No, I’m not sick…kept going to work…sure I could beat it. Not going to get me down, until I had no choice. I took a death spiral Friday afternoon and all-day Saturday to the point where I started to get a little worried. Fever, coughing, not able to breathe…and worst of all, no appetite. I’m one of those people who never loses their appetite so I knew something must be wrong. It got to the point where when my husband suggested taking me to urgent care late in the day, I agreed. And sure enough, bronchitis. Good thing is I got on drugs and should be getting to the other side soon.

But this really isn’t about my illness, it’s about that mindset. At some point, I’ve realized that perseverance is good. Hard headedness is not. Self-compassion? It’s a strength. Truth is, I need to ask myself, what are you trying to prove? And more importantly, to who? What is it in me that has a hard time admitting frailty, with being seen as anything other than strong and one tough cookie?

The challenge is, I’ve been seen as this person for so long, it’s how people know me. So there’s a small voice in me that questions if they’d still like me if I actually showed the weakness when it arises. When the mask comes off. It’s not that the soldier isn’t part of who I am, but it’s part of authenticity. The authentic me gets sick sometimes. Isn’t always strong. Needs to be carried rather than doing the carrying at times.  Authenticity leans on being brave to be self-compassionate, and lets others see all the parts. It’s part of the journey my friends and if it resonates with you, I encourage you to think about what mask you could put down today. I’m walking right along with you.

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Why not be whimsical?

IMG_4441This week was the rescheduled trip to Vegas my husband and I planned for October – my 50th birthday trip! Birthday aside, the main reason we went to Vegas, because, honestly, I couldn’t care less about Vegas, was to see my diva singer favorite Celine Dion. I’ve always liked her because of her ballad belting voice. I mean, seriously, who does not want to sing along with her?? (and if you are one of those people – how are we friends? – kidding – but seriously, don’t tell me, our friendship will be tainted).

The big night was Tuesday and I was ready, finally letting the excitement build. When we got inside to our awesome seats – my husband rocked the seat selection – I quickly ascertained that we were surrounded by “my people.” 50ish women and their husbands, some of whom I suspect were there willingly, and others along for the ride. I loved the automatic connection I felt with these die-hard fans, and I’m sure that’s what they were because Celine a) is not a cheap ticket, b) is not someone you’d generally see on a whim.

She was everything I’d hoped and more! I felt like our grandkids watching Moana – mouthing every single lyric – that was me with Celine. As we wound down to the end, I noticed people heading towards the front, taking pictures, selfies…what the heck??? This had not been the case earlier in the show, we were seat stay-ers…not venturing out. I told my husband that I thought I wanted to go down there too and he told me to go for it. The only way I can describe myself when I got there was like a giddy teenage girl. Not kidding. Trying to get a selfie with her – not quite getting the angle right to get her and me in the same picture. Violating rules and taking video. Singing out loud at this point. And when she came over, yes, my hand was stretched out and she touched it…I call it a “shook my hand” but really it would be better described as a brushing of our fingers.

The point is, I was silly, and loose, and going outside of my normal comfort zone. I was letting whimsy take me away, and I loved it. Why is that so hard for me on a regular basis? Me on a regular day is fairly straight laced. Start singing a song out loud in public? I think not. Reaching out to touch the star? heavens no – I’m much more reserved. Ok, I’ll say it…reserved to the point of dull, at times.

I was thinking about this as the week wore on and wondering how I could mix things up for myself on a regular basis. How could all of us who are similarly afflicted with the serious gene mix things up? Because as life is now, we go through it making sure to color within the lines, and while that’s responsible, it’s not where most of the fun is, where the joy and excitement in life is.

So today I took a baby step. I was cleaning the house and I put on headphones, dialed in the Celine station of Spotify, and rocked it. Two hours of singing along as I cleaned. It was relaxing, it brought a little joy to an otherwise boring task, and I didn’t worry about how I sounded. My husband later told me he loved hearing me singing as I cleaned. Made him love me more. Surprise there for me. My voice is not particularly melodic so I figured he must really love me for that to be true.

What would it take to live with whimsy more often? To follow our instincts? To show up authentically in situations instead of how we “should” show up? I for one am willing to try. What’s the worst that could happen, I look silly? So what. I don’t really care about looking silly. I’m hoping that my reserved sisters will join in, let’s be whimsical, we can do it, we’re brave!

 

 

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Be You…Be Authentic

let go be youIt’s the time of year when people start talking about New Year’s resolutions. Changes they want to make in the new year, things they want to do, experiences they want to have or bring into their life. Lose weight, start exercising, those are likely the top vote getters from people everywhere. There’s something about the transition from one year to the next that causes us to examine our life and think about ways we can change, really ditch something that’s not working for us and try something new.

In reality, it shouldn’t take something like the new year to spark change within us, if it really needs to be made. If the desire is within us. I think that’s the process I’ve been going through this year. Making subtle shifts that have led to larger changes.

Instead, over the last month, I’ve had words rolling around in my head. Those of you who know me are well aware of my love of words. In writing, on my walls, in my head, on my wrist, I love them. They express feelings, thoughts, in a way that I sometimes don’t feel comfortable doing verbally.  There are some words that I think about more than others as time goes along. Authentic, or authenticity, is one of those for me. So much so that I’m done flirting with it. I’m ready to bring it into my life.

Instead of making a resolution, I’ve decided I’m going to focus on a word for this year. A lot of people do that, pick a word for the year. In the past I’ve done that to a small degree, Choose Happy, Be Brave…this year, it’s authentic, or said another way, Be You.

And with good cause. The changes I’ve made over the last year or so have brought clarity to me about who I am…who I want to be. It’s been a year of letting go of other’s expectations, of living for what I think I should be doing. Throw in a little bit of not being as worried about making waves with what I think, what I believe, and you’ve got the picture. When you shed the external expectations, it makes room for you to look internally.

As I do that, I feel increasingly discontent with acting in a way contrary to what I believe, with who I am. It’s about looking at my values and considering if choice A is in line with my values, or if will cause a conflict. If it causes a conflict, I need to look for a different choice. A choice that allows me to be authentic. Living authentically is somewhat a culmination of my focus for the last couple years. It requires being brave…it’s a choice that ultimately brings happiness and joy to my heart, even if that choice is hard.

For 2018, what’s your resolution, your word, your focus. Not making a choice on where you’re putting your energy is still a choice. As we wind down 2017, how will you be brave? How will you be truer to yourself in 2018? I’m looking forward to taking the journey with you.

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Both Feet In

Step in yourselfIt’s the day before Christmas, and I’m thinking about celebrating the birth of Christ. But I’m also thinking about life. Where I am today, where I’ve been and where I’m headed. I think that’s fairly normal with New Year’s right around the corner. Although I’m working on breaking this habit, I have a tendency to look at the mold I think I was formed to fit within, and compare myself to that. The expectations, the Pinterest board of everything I should be doing.

Consider Christmas. I love having my family with me. This year, I had my husband (of course), both of my adulting children, my mom and stepdad. We celebrate Christmas whenever we can get all of us together, which was this weekend. True to form, I planned out dinner, games, present time…I cooked, wrapped, cleaned…you know, basically exhausted myself. Who asked me to do that? No one! So what’s up with that??

I’m getting to my point…just stick with me.

Here’s what went down in my head throughout our celebration. I was an observer. I spend time making sure everyone was having a good time. I was in the fun, but always had one foot out because I was making sure people were fed, had drinks, and all that jazz. I think this is the female brain with traditional programming. In my case, I try, but can’t quite let myself be fully in because there’s so much to do.

I hold back. Somewhat afraid, I think, to really let go and just be in the moment. To step into the flow. It’s years of oldest child programming…if you are one, like me, you know what I’m talking about. So…much…responsibility. You get it.

Deep breath.

In this midst of all this, I saw this Brian Andres painting/quote and it stopped me. It rolled around in my head and brought me back to the journey I’ve been on for all of 2017. To just be. To step into myself, to love myself just as I am, and to do that not because of what I do, but because of who I am. Put achievements aside and just love the person.

What is that so hard??? Why do I fall back into the mode of performing so easily? Because the truth of it is that it takes away from relaxing into the person I am. I think Brian Andres has it right when he says,

“…You may not even notice how quickly you forget all the years you spend being afraid of exactly this.” That’s where I am. Asking myself what I’m afraid of that keeps me from being exactly who God created me to be. Stepping into living his purpose, which includes, for one, enjoying and being with my family.

What does all that mean for me? If you’re on this journey too, what does it mean for you? What is it that tugs at your heart, makes it flutter, brings you joy? That thing that we always tell…I’ll do that tomorrow. I’ll do it when… Why not today?

I don’t think it’s about resolutions. It’s about embracing your true self. The self God created you to be. The joy and ease that comes with it will be amazing. You still have time. As you celebrate Christmas with your family, whatever your family looks like, truly be there. Step in with both feet. People will still get fed. Dishes will get done. Gifts will get wrapped, or maybe they won’t – that’s why we have bags, stick it in, no one will really care. Christmas is about celebrating Christ’s birth and doing that with our families. The family you are a part of, not a bystander to. Let go of expectation and just be with those you love. To be your true self is brave, it’s the person you were made to be. We get to wake up each day and choose to step into that person. Together.

Love to you this Christmas my friends.

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Take a deep breath

Calm your mindI have to say that yesterday was a banner productivity day. My house looked like a bomb went off there was so much clutter and disarray. That may not phase you, and that’s ok, but for me, it’s no bueno. If my environment isn’t peaceful, calm and organized, it’s likely to leave me feeling scattered. Unable to start anything because I don’t know where to begin. That’s why I normally keep my house show ready. It may not be sparkling clean, but it’s picked up. I’m a believer in “a place for everything and everything in its place.”

But I’ve noticed that my mind feels scattered more of the time than I’d like to admit, and I’m not a fan. I find myself craving quiet time. Down time to do things that make me happy, bring me energy. Maybe it’s hanging out with my husband, painting, writing, or reading. As I’ve gotten older, I need that time more and more.

If you’re a student of mindfulness, to any degree, you understand that slowing our brain down, resting it, actually increases our productivity, our ability to process cognitively, and can increase our creativity, to name just a few benefits. I find when I don’t have time to slow down, I end up with frenetic energy…frazzled, overwhelmed. I crave time. So why don’t I make that that time part of my normal day?

It’s not a priority. Well, actually it is, but somehow I let other priorities win. Right now it’s cleaning, organizing, rearranging, wrapping, decorating (ok, maybe not too much on that last one, but just saying…I do have the nagging feeling I should be). But of all those things I listed, none have the benefit that taking down time does. When I take that time, I feel peaceful, recharged.

What happens is that I don’t prioritize self-care. And I know I’m not alone in that. Can I get an amen? But I’m learning that if I skip out on it, if I don’t prioritize self-care, my energy for everything else might be there, but it’s distracted energy. So, basically, I’m phoning it in. Going through the motions. I’ve read it’s like pouring from an empty cup. If your own cup is empty, you can’t pour out to other people.

The temptation at this time of the year is to skip our self-care, our down time, our moments of mindfulness. My ask of you, and of me, is that instead of skipping, to make it one of your top priorities. Spending time connecting and taking care of yourself will prepare you, enable you, to take better care of others. And we do a lot of that all year long.

You are amazing, you matter, you make a difference…take time to honor yourself, to rest, to do what makes you happy and restores you…pamper yourself. Postpone tasks in order to be. You can do it, you are brave.

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To decorate or not decorate?

ChristmasChristmas is 15 days away and I haven’t decorated my house yet. By not decorated, I mean not…one…little…bit. No garland, no wreath, no lights, nothing, nada. And I celebrate Christmas. It’s not like I’m a non-celebrater. I will be celebrating Christ’s birth. So why is it I’m feeling like a bad person for not decorating?

Once again…it’s other people. No one in particular, just the sense that the rest of my family, friends, my neighborhood, even the Starbucks where I’m sitting to write this, are all in. The “story” I tell myself is that I’m lazy, not a good person for not decorating. Any good Christmas celebrating person would have the boughs of holly, decked the halls and the tree and be singing silent night so many times they’re doing it in their sleep.

Do you see it? It’s the the story in my head creeping up again. Everyone is doing it. If you’re not doing it, you’re lazy, you must not really celebrate Christmas.  But that’s not the truth. Instead, it’s an unsuspecting way that we can beat ourselves down. I’ve talked about it before, the way that looking at the world, at “what everyone else is doing,” creates negative messages that invade our minds. My frequent loop is about my body, but those messages come through in many different ways. It could be about your body, your role as a wife, your parenting, your career…really, it’s those messages that start with “should,” and leave a train wreck of emotions leading us to feeling like we’re less of a person for whatever it is we’re not doing.

I’d like to be able to suggest an easy way out of this loop, but there isn’t one. Instead, it takes practice, just like anything else. It takes sitting in the space where you are and looking at the truth instead of those messages in your head. This is a time of the year when there are a lot of pressures to be “all that” to everyone. Buy the gifts, send the cards, decorate the house, plan and prepare a great meal, all while keeping up your daily life, basically be “all that and a bag of chips.” The impossible standard I say, at least impossible if you want to maintain your sanity and enjoy the reason we celebrate Christmas.

What would it look like if spent time thinking about what is really important to you and your most important relationships this Christmas season? Choose to do what is important, what holds meaning for you. Maybe it is decorating, but it may be spending time with people you love. Or it could be serving other people, showing them love. Maybe it really is decorating and if it is, that’s awesome! Honestly, I’ll probably decorate too, but I want it to match what I’m feeling on the inside, creating space to truly celebrate and love on my husband, children and family.

Will you take a minute to look at the path you’re on and consider if you’re going to arrive at Christmas frazzled and exhausted? If you are, consider making a shift in the path your on so that you will wake up on Christmas morning rested, thankful and ready to enjoy celebrating Christ’s birth. Going against what “everyone,” is doing isn’t always easy – especially in our minds – but choosing a purposeful path is authentic, it’s brave. And so are you.

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Shame is not welcome here

Beautifully brokenOver Thanksgiving, we traveled to Florida to spend time with my side of the family. They are a wonderful, fun, crazy at times, group and we had an awesome time. It was a holiday, so it only made sense to bring a couple pieces of my nicer jewelry with me, including a bracelet with enormous sentimental value. Because of their value, I wore them on the plane both directions…I didn’t want them to get lost or taken from my luggage. Makes sense, right?

On the way home, we had an early flight and I took a little snooze when we got on the plane. Once I woke up, I settled in to watch The Proposal, which I honestly could watch 100 times. I love it and laugh every time. I casually reached down to feel my bracelet on my wrist…and felt…nothing.

The blood drained from my face as I started feeling more frantically and quickly realized it wasn’t there. I started shaking, thinking I might be sick, and panicked, I mean, really panicked. “I don’t know what to do,” is all I could say, over and over. I knew I’d double checked the clasp that morning. As I started to search, it was as though someone pushed play on the shame tape in my mind.

You don’t deserve nice things.

You can’t be trusted with nice things.

You’re not worth it.

You have disappointed your parents (who gave me the bracelet)

Over and over…

At the same time, I tried to override those thoughts, telling myself, “it’s just a thing,” but the voice in my head screamed that it was not.

I prayed, God please let me see where it is, let me focus.

Nothing. Still feeling sick, having torn apart my area in the middle seat, going through my bag, having my husband go through the bag, and my son for good measure, nothing. With nothing else to do, I returned to The Proposal, and wasn’t able to laugh at all the scenes I normally would, well, except one. Who wouldn’t laugh when they accidentally walk into each other, naked, and flip out. Again, funny every time.

About an hour before the flight ended, the window seat guy got up and I searched that area, nothing. My husband pulled his seat cushion off all the way and even though I’d felt behind mine, I did the same. And lying on a thin metal strip beneath the cushions, was my bracelet. It had broken. After thanking God for revealing it, I felt a flood of stress leave my body.

I thought then and think now about my initial reaction, shame storm that erupted in my head, louder than ever. Not the first time I’d heard those words in my mind and they started very quickly. Far more accessible than I would have thought. In coaching, we call that the gremlin voice. The voice that keeps you small, that plays on your fear, or things you’ve come to believe, that develops over the years. I thought I’d worked through it, but apparently not entirely. The truth is, some of those messages shape how I live my life today. I don’t feel comfortable buying many nice things, I don’t feel worth it. Disappointing anyone is a nightmare to me.

Sitting there on that plane, the voice made me feel stupid, careless, like I’d done something wrong.

But I hadn’t, and I wasn’t. Even if it had gotten lost, though I would have felt sick, it didn’t mean I was stupid, or that I couldn’t be trusted with nice things, or was a bad person. It just meant it had gotten lost, I would have still been sad, but not worthless.

How do we get to that truth in the middle of the megaphone blast in our heads? That is the trick. Prayer, breathing, telling yourself the truth. Knowing that a mistake doesn’t make us a bad person, doesn’t define our worth. Knowing that I am not alone, particularly among women, in going to this dark place at times makes me want to embrace others with these words of truth.

You are worthy

You deserve happiness and joy – and nice things

You are not a disappointment

Believe it my friend. Stop the shame tape, it is not true. You are beautiful, you are loved and you are brave.

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Authenticity – Sharing the real you

the struggleI had a conversation with a group of friends the other day about a struggle one was having with infertility. One of the things we talked about was how alone she felt. How nobody really talks about the struggle and how difficult it is. This led us to talking about another who experienced post-partum depression. I, of course, talked about the joys menopause. All female struggles, but significant in their own right.

The conversation wasn’t one of complaining, but of acknowledgement that nearly every one of us has “stuff.” And while we’re a small slice of the population, I believe we’re fairly representative. People going through life looking normal on the outside (whatever that is), but who have stuff. But we don’t talk about it…and sometimes we need to. Believing that we have shared stories, shared aspects of our lives, creates a feeling of belonging, which we all desire, whether we admit it or not. Lone wolfs are may be that way by choice, but I believe that choice may be the result of hurt and fear from past experiences exposing themselves to others. Or of pain from what happened when they were open and vulnerable.

So why do we hide our struggles?  Sometimes it’s because we don’t want to be seen as complaining. Seeking mutual support isn’t complaining, it’s human. We are designed to come together and support each other. Staying silent, alone…we’re not meant to live that way. When we’re isolated that’s when struggle really begins. We feel alone when in fact there are others, likely others within our own peer group, who are faced with the same thing. And whatever we’re feeling is more difficult alone.

When we are open about what we’re going through, when we take that step, and connect with people who are like us, it normalizes our struggle. It helps us to see that we’re not alone. We’re part of a larger community, one who helps us with what we’re going through. It can be scary to take that step, but it’s no critical, and so worth it.

So at this time of year when we come together with family, think about who you need to come together with to share those hidden areas of your life. Yep, I get that could be the scary step, it involves exposing yourself to someone else. But the reward can be so great, like air after holding your breath. Having others to share your struggle won’t make it go away, but it will help you realize you’re not alone.

And you’ll be doing the same for someone else. Someone who equally needs support and who will be thankful for you. In the end, you may find the gift you give someone else through sharing is greater than you could imagine.

It starts with taking the first step. Are in you in? I believe in you and you are not alone. Be brave today.