Category: Loving the adventure

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What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

IMG_2909This quote, by famed minister Robert Schuller, is used all the time in inspirational quotes or speeches.  I’ve always liked it and was thinking about what I would do today during Paddleboard Yoga.  Stirring around in my head were happy memories from going to Boulder for the weekend and other adventures I still have on the drawing board in my head but on which I haven’t made a move.

I tend to think that I hold myself back from taking action, from taking risks, because the thought of failing gives me a fairly heavy dose of anxiety. No kidding, I strive to do things which I know I can accomplish.  Things that are dependent only on me. It’s why I like individual sports.  I’m responsible for my performance, for how well I “hit the bar.”  I can be like that at work sometimes too.  While I’ll always say yes to a project, I make darned sure I will succeed.  While the thought of working collaboratively with others makes sense to me, and, in concept, is something I want to do, push comes to shove, I’m taking that puppy over. I realize this isn’t my healthiest thought pattern, but I own it.  I work on it.

This morning I was doing SUP (Paddleboard) Yoga, which I love. It’s hard, my balance is not fantastic, and today I was really wobbly.  I had the “opportunity” to cool off several times when I fell in the water. I’ve done SUP Yoga 4 times now through REI.  Each time, the main instructor is Dyanna, who is awesome and who encourages me to try hard balancing poses.  The last couple of times, I’ve been trying to do a headstand.  Tried again today… more opportunities to get wet. Today in the midst of my efforts, the other instructor, Megan, told me to think about the journey not the destination. Another familiar quote, but one which always resonates with me.

And something clicked for me.  It wasn’t the headstand, no, that’s well photo documented as not happening yet. What clicked is that I was trying something which, in all reality, I had a high chance of failing. (In my head right now and at that moment, mic drop) I tried, knowing the headstand is thus far elusive to me, and nothing bad happened.   I took risk, I fell, and nothing bad happened. No one mocked me, I didn’t get hurt, I’m not on the SUP Yoga blooper role. Instead, I got encouraged for trying.  I was proud of myself for merely making the attempt.

I thought about some of the other areas lately where I’ve been brave, taken a risk, and maybe failed a little, but still tried.  And the world hasn’t stopped.  When I went to Boulder, I had a great time, after having an anxiety attack standing in the Denver airport and nearly starting to cry.  But I pushed forward. I’m in my class to become a certified coach, and it’s hard, and I feel like my first peer coaching session was a hot mess, but I’m pushing forward. I had a really hard, honest conversation with someone last week, and I don’t know where that will end up, but I was brave and I put myself out there.

In my head I so often think that I don’t take risks, that I keep myself in a safety bubble or safety zone. But now I don’t think that’s really true.  If I can shift my mind to think of things I’ve tried, maybe failed, maybe not, but that I chose to experience nonetheless, couldn’t that go on the win side in my mind?  If I could remember that even if a small part of the adventure is hard, or that I might not succeed, like my SUP Yoga headstand, but that overall I was still brave and took a chance, what else might I try? Where else have I had success but let the “fail” become how it’s defined in my mind?

There’s the challenge. I have a choice how I want to define and characterize my experiences.  I can choose fail or I can choose brave and fun and success. In that light, wow! Many more successes, being very brave. So think about it, I’ll bet you are very brave, and that you’ve had a million wins! Make the shift and you’ll see it too.

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Knowing the difference

Here’s a few things I know about myself.  I like things the way I like them, I’m fussy – truth. I can be a little tricky, much more of a daisy than I’d like to own up to. I like playing pretty and my eyeRoyal Arch Journeylashes. I love my early mornings of journaling and coffee at Starbucks.  I’m a neat freak, trying to reform, but ask my kids, it’s a real thing. I make the bed, every day. I floss, and use mouthwash, leftover food taste in my mouth – that’s not happening. I arrive early for appointments, or when I meet people – it’s polite.  I don’t like anger as an emotion in me, it doesn’t happen.  Frustration happe
ns, irritation happens, but not anger (yes, I know I’m splitting hairs). I am independent.  I am an athlete.  I am passionate about athletic fitness – not gym fitness necessarily – but fitness outside, in God’s beautiful creation. I am emotional, I cry sometimes and sometimes more than others.  I care deeply for people and want the best for them.

I also know that I am ok being alone.  I like it, to some degree.  I can do what I want to do, or not do, when I want to do it.  That’s an adventure I’m on right now.  A weekend alone…away from home. Wait, what? The away from home threw me for a loop.  Maybe I’m ok being alone in my realm at home, with my home base to go back to when I make day trips.  It gives me security.  This trip was brave for me. I came to Boulder alone on Friday and have to be in Denver Sunday afternoon for work.  It was the perfect time to make a little side trip.  I was packed and good to go.  But when I arrived, I felt overwhelming anxiety.  What was that about?? I made myself push through it, and it’s been hard.  Saturday I hiked for hours and it was beautiful, and I was at peace in nature, like I often am. Afterwards though, my not so friendly friend anxiety tried to come back. I’m aware it’s there, but I’m trying to blow it off, or at least make friends with it so it doesn’t get in my way.

All those things I know about myself, I like them – tricky stuff and all, I like being alone – sometimes, so why do I feel like this on a weekend where I’m working on being brave? I think what I’ve come to realize over the last couple weeks is that even though I’m ok to be alone, I’m lonely.  All those things I like about me, I want to share them.  I want to be sitting here talking with someone about how much fun today was, how beautiful it is here. I miss that.  It’s something I’m aware of, and I have a lot of thoughts about it that are for another day.

What I do know though is that the feeling I have of wanting to lean in, it’s still there.  I know that sometimes people will think that when you’re alone it means you’re lonely.  But it doesn’t.  I wasn’t lonely for a long time even though I was alone, for a lot of reasons.  I think that in these moments, the best I can do is to lean in to what I have, the family, the friends, the passion. And really, that’s what we all should be doing anyways, leaning in to those we love and care about.  When we do, when we have connection and love, loneliness will fade and we can enjoy where we are – at that moment.

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Moving past the clutter

Last weIMG_2819ekend I was in the San Francisco Bay Area for the first module of iPEC’s Coaching Certification training.  An awesome weekend where I experienced a sense that what I was doing, learning, experiencing, was on track with my gifts, talents and the purpose God has for my life.  I came home on a high that lasted all week – gotta love that!

As I always do, I think a lot about life, even in the midst of my training.  Didn’t hurt that because we practiced coaching throughout the course, I felt like I was in therapy all weekend – I thought my brain would explode.  On Sunday morning, I left my hotel early for a walk along the Bay Bridge Trail which I’d discovered on Saturday, it’s my favorite way to start the day!  I love new adventures and I think it’s super cool to walk over the Bay.  I’ve done it on the Golden Gate Bridge, so the Bay Bridge was calling me.

I had about an hour and a half to walk so I could get back and ready in time for class.  No sweat (well, there was sweating), 6 miles-ish and that would certainly get me at least halfway across the bridge from where I started. One of the things I was excited about was walking on the new span of bridge that opened a couple years ago.  Off I went and after making my way through the maze under the freeway I was on the bridge.  If you don’t live around here, you may not know that after they opened the bridge, the next project was to take down the old bridge.  It’s a steel, ugly thing that now is cluttered with equipment used in deconstructing it.

So there I was, on the bridge, walking, walking, walking.  Seriously, when was I going to move past the old bridge and have an unobstructed view from the new span?  Cut to the chase, I didn’t. I ran out of time and had to turn back.

And that was ok.  But here’s what ran through my head.  My life is on a new the bridge, so to speak.  I finally feel like I’m on a path to live out my passion, my desire to help other people, to help them move their lives closer to where they want it to be.  Making choices instead of letting life just happen to me. But as I walk on that new path, the bright and shiny path, I’m not free from the clutter of my life thus far.  Granted, I’m making progress, a lot of it, but it’s still there.  Occurred to me that it’s like the Bay Bridge.  The new span is beautiful and you can walk on it, enjoy it, experience it, but at the same time, you have to deal with the deconstruction of the old span.  They’re making progress on it, just like I’m making progress in my own life, but it’s not gone yet, even in the midst of finding my purpose.

I’m going to get there, I know I am, but it can’t be rushed, it’s on its own time schedule, IMG_2822God’s time schedule.  Trying to move it any faster will just frustrate me, I don’t have control of the timing.  But unlike my walk on the bridge, I won’t turn around.  I’ve made a choice to move forward, and my clutter will be there for a while, truth is, even once I clear out the old stuff, more will appear.  That’s part of the deal and it’s ok.

I’d enourage anyone moving through change, and truthfully, isn’t that all of us in one way or another, to think about the bridge.  To not lose sight of the fact that you’re on the new span – celebrate the fact that you’re on the new span.  The old is still there, but you’re making progress.  It’s one step at a time, enjoy the walk.

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Stuck in a Rut

This is one of those times when I have a million things happening in my head.  So I’m just going to see what spills out.  I think it’s interesting to think about how I perceive myself vs. how others see me.  I often see myself as stuck in a rut.  And really, it’s dumb because I know I want to do something different, but I don’t. I tell myself there are many reasons, but in truth, those are just excuses.  I know if I really put my mind to it, I could make change.  So why don’t I?

Well, if I’m going to do something new, I better figure it out first.  I better have all the answers, I better not make a mistake.  Wait, what?  Oh yeah, that’s the perfectionist in me.  The perfectionist knows I’m not perfect, but doesn’t want anyone else to see it, it thinks it’s protecting me.  The perfectionist tells me there are a lot of things to be afraid of.  Tells me I better weight all the risks first.  The perfectionist procrastinates, all to avoid blame, shame, all the feelings that come from making mistakes (thanks to Brene Brown for the spotlight on all that, ugh, why did it have to make that much sense to me!?!?)  I tell you though, the perfectionist is no friend of mine.  I should name it and then every time it shows up, I can tell it to get lost.

This weekend, I’m at a coaching course, learning how to help others realize their potential, work through what holds them back.  The thing about a class like this is you have to/get to deal with your own crap for practice…yay. Three days of working through my stuff. As I go through it, I’m noticing the feelings that come up.  One interesting one is that I feel wound up inside.  Full of anxiety, a nervous stomach, feeling like my heart is racing.  Yesterday, I thought maybe I drank too much coffee, it’s possible.  But it happened again today and so instead of chalking it up to my Starbucks habit, I paid attention to.  Every time we had to do a “practice” exercise, it came up again. What started to click for me is that as I was forced to work through some stuff for the sake of “practice” I had to push past that perfectionism, push past the rut.  It was new.

 

I think that’s one of the things that’s hard about getting out of the rut. It’s new, it’s unknown.  I might not like the rut I’m in, but I know it.  It’s oddly comfortable. But in the rut, I don’t grow.  And if I don’t grow, I die, maybe not visibly, but on the inside.  I know I have to make change and to do that, I have to be able to live in the tension, live in the discomfort that comes from making different choices. I’m learning that no matter what happens, it’ll be ok.  It’s ok even if I make mistakes.  I won’t fall apart.  This weekend has shown me I can move into a space not knowing what’s next.  What I do know is that I’m going to stop moving through well worn rut, and step outside it.  And in that space, I’ll find the fulfillment I want because my choices and path will be driven by my purpose.  So hold on, it’s going to be  bumpy ride.

And oh, Ellen’s doppelganger was at my training…ok maybe not really, but she said I wasn’t the first one to say it.  Kristin was a lovely woman!

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No DNF’s

DLFShirtThough I suspect most of you who read my blog are athletes, as many of my friends are, I want to share a term used in racing/events. “DNF.” Stands for “Did not finish.” I’ve done a lot of races, rides and events.  Some I thought would kill me they were so hard, particularly some of the ridiculous climbing events on my bike.  It was called the Terrible Two for a reason.  Anyways…in all the races I’ve done, I’ve never had a DNF.

Not having a DNF is not because of any extraordinary skill I possess, I guarantee you.  It’s my frame of mind when it comes to the sports I engage in.  I have never considered quitting an option.  That’s not to say it hasn’t entered my mind, but I never considered it.  Not something I want to do.  I start, I finish… even if it’s ugly.

So the other day I was talking about a new adventure I’m starting…during therapy.  I am particularly excited about it because if I can do the training, I’ll be able to coach people about health and wellness.  Different than being a “coach” but more a life coach with a focus.  I’m excited because for a couple of years I’ve been thinking about how I can help women overcome their own doubts or fears about pursuing what they love, whatever that is, but particularly through sports.  Recently, I reached out to a long-time friend of mine who gave me some great suggestions on how to get going with that and where to go for training/certification.  Things with that are falling into place and I’m praying that trend will continue.

I told my counselor that sometimes I end up thinking about stuff too much, over-analyzing, risk assessing, to the point where I talk myself out of it and that I didn’t want to do that with the idea of being a life coach. He told me that whatever I start, I need to finish.  Not the first time he’s said that to me.  But that was the day I needed to hear it again.  That was the day it stuck.  As I was driving home I thought about that statement and realized that when I’m doing anything athletic, I never DNF. So why would it be any different in the rest of my life?  Why do I allow myself to back out of things that could bring me great fulfillment and joy?

I overthink it, that’s why. I over plan, over analyze, over risk assess.  In doing that, I’m not doing myself any favors.  Instead, I don’t pursue what could end up being a great joy in my life.  I miss out and that’s just a rip-off.

So in this current adventure, I feel determined, I have a strong passion for helping women and this training and certification is a way to do that.  That means I need to figure it out, one way or another and make it happen.  And once I do, I’m going to see it through, No DNF.

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Doing my best

Paddle Board

I’ve been thinking about how I sometimes choose not to do something because I don’t know how, or I think I’ll look stupid.  This weekend though, I tried two new things just because I thought they sounded fun.  First, I’ve been doing free classes at Athleta and this week was a barre class. I’ve never done it, but it was a lot of fun, even if I couldn’t point both my toes.  But today’s adventure topped it all, seriously.  I went paddle boarding for the first time, but not just straight up paddle boarding, I thought, hey, let’s try  paddle board  yoga, and I’m hooked!

In the past, I’ve aced myself out of paddle boarding because I can’t get my prosthetic leg wet.  But earlier this week when I got the email from REI advertising their class, I stepped outside my comfort zone and signed up.  I have spare legs (I know that sounds weird, but I do, a couple of them), so I wore the oldest one today and figured if it got wet, I didn’t care.  It was the most peaceful, challenging, relaxing experience!  Being on the paddle board made me stay focused and that helped keep my mind still – which is hard with all the randomness that roams around in it.  There were geese, an osprey, and an otter that came to check me out in my plow pose.  I’m so happy that I ignored my second-guessing and just went for it, to think I’ve missed out on paddle boarding all this time!

So it also has me thinking about the expectations we bring with us when we consider doing anything new.  I’m learning that if I show up and do my best, that’s all that matters.  It doesn’t matter if my friend is better, is doesn’t matter if I fall in the water.  What does matter, and what gives me energy, is being outside, showing up, and knowing that I did the best I could.  That was today.

I saw a great movie last night, Eddie the Eagle, which drove home this point.  First let me say that I love the sports underdog movie, I’m a sucker for them.  Rudy, Miracle, I could keep going but you get the picture. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a true story about an Englishman in the 80’s who wanted to go to the Olympics.  He was not athletic, but didn’t care.  Everything he tried he did the best he could.  Eventually, he made it to the Olympics in Lake Placid as a ski jumper.  He came in last but was so excited fans embraced him.  At one point, “The Flying Fish,” Chris Fischetti, who was the top guy in the sport, told Eddie that they were the same.  They both showed up and did their best, no matter that they placed vastly differently, they were the same.

I just love that.  I love the idea that if you do your best you’re at the top of whatever it is you’re doing, whatever it is you’re pursuing.  I think if more people could embrace that thought, instead of the self-imposed expectation that results in comparing ourselves to other people or what we think is “ideal,” we’ve find ourselves a lot happier and actually doing things we might not have otherwise tried.

Just do my best.  That’s all God expects, that’s all I should expect.  Look how it turned out today…I’m feeling “filled up” inside, motivated as I go into my week, and thankful for the joy today brought me.

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What’s your story?

Inspire YouI think about a lot of stuff, which you know if you’ve read my blog at all.  It all flows out of my brain and lands here.  It’s sort of how I process stuff.  It’s like processing out loud and it’s a little therapeutic.  Today I’m thinking about my story, and what I want it to be 15 years from now.  Of course, it’s not one of those things where the answer has leapt out.  I wish it was that easy.

Here’s the low down as I see it so far.  Did all the planned stuff.  Grew up in the woods, great family, normal ups and downs like any other family.  We were the family that was always doing.  Winters, we were skiing.  Summers, we were horseback riding in the backcountry, sailing, boating.  Bottom line, lots of doing.  Not a lot of downtime.  And we had a great time. So when I had my kids, I felt like I should always be doing.  I wasn’t content to just sit around the house. It made me antsy, anxious, feeling like I was missing out.  But I stayed busy doing stuff, just stuff, nothing that really made me happy.  Ok, of course hanging with my kids was fun, but there was still more I felt I should be doing.

Then, somewhere in my late 30’s, I found I could ride a bike, a long way, and I was in love.  At first, 20 miles was a long way.  I thought I’d die.  But it got easier, and I kept going.  I discovered that I really like to ride a long way, seemed like my body was meant for it.  I had great friends and we had some crazy adventures!  Overnight bike trips, double centuries, competing, riding with fast guys…things I never would have thought I could do.  I meant so many kind, amazing, inspiring people.  People who accomplished much more than I ever could, who rode in with me on some of those rides that were tough, encouraging me along the way.  Cycling was my passion.

Then life threw me a few curve-balls.  So what else is new, right?  That’s what life does.  Ok, so now what.  Well, you adjust, that’s what.  I slowed down. I hated it, but I slowed down.  But I got used to it and as much as I still had passion for cycling, not spending all day on my bike wasn’t a bad thing.  Except, I missed my bike. I missed getting out in nature, in God’s creation. Getting out and exploring, pushing my body, seeing what I can do.

So I started swimming, and I can’t run, but started walking, fast.  And if endurance was good for cycling, I’d better do that for swimming and walking.  So into the Bay, onto Half-Marathons, Marathons (or, marathon, one…but I’m not done).  I don’t know what it is, but I really like endurance events.  I love the camaraderie, I love pushing my body, and I love the adventure.

I think today this is spilling out my head because it has to do with my story.  At least my story so far.  And I don’t know that it matters, but here’s what I think.  I think that anyone could do what I’ve done and all that I still have on the list to do.  I honestly do.  I think too often we self-impose limits on ourselves.  We listen to what other people say, or what we say in our own heads, about what we can’t do rather than what we can do.  This is where I am thankful.  I had my foot amputated when I was 4, and my story could have been much different.  But my parents never treated me like I was any different than every other little girl.  So all that “doing?” I was doing, I didn’t have a hall pass, I didn’t get out of PE, I did everything everyone else did.  And what a difference that made, it set me out on the right course.  So it never occurs to me that I can’t do something.

That’s the same challenge I’d put out for anyone else.  The only thing limiting you or anyone else is that voice in your head – or maybe it’s someone’s voice – but you can ignore it, that’s ok.  And I think I want that to part of my story. I want to find ways I can help shape someone else’s story.  Help some other woman believe in themselves and believe that those big dreams they have don’t have to be dreams, they can really happen.

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Do you ever need a vacation from life?

Am I the only one or do you sometimes feel like you need a vacation from your life? I’ve felt like that before, probably more often than I’d like to admit. The idea of just getting Vacation from Lifeaway from all the stress, the responsibilities and the worries of my life.  I tend to feel like I’m busy all the time, like there’s always something pressing on me.  Is that just me or is that just what life is about in today’s day and age?  I’m not going for it.  Although my kids are older, I see it in kids’ lives these days.  There’s soccer, baseball, dance, gymnastics, and oh yeah, school, homework, and tests.  What about just playing?  What about just playing for adults?  That’s what I want more of.  That feeling of being so relaxed and enjoying what I’m doing that it feels like play.

I saw a quote today, “Don’t create a life that you need a vacation from.”  I felt like it hit me over the head with in an aha moment.  From where I sit, that’s not the kind of life I want, although I wonder if, to a large degree, it is the life I’ve created. But lately I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.  I figure I’m probably more than halfway through my life.  Definitely more than halfway through my working life.  I’ve been doing the same work since I got out of college, and I like it, I feel I’m good at it, and I love the company I work for, but I still wonder if this is how God wants me to ride it out.  Something in my gut tells me it’s not, although I don’t know what else is in store.

I do know a few things.  I want to play more.  I want to make choices in life that are intentional and don’t pile on stress. I want to be better at saying yes to the right things and no to the wrong things. I’ve already pledged to more adventures, so yes, more of those. I want to travel and explore.  And along the way, I think God might show me a few other things.  What I do know is that life should be worth sticking around for, vacations are just a bonus.

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Being Brave Today

Lisa Forresthill Bridge.JPGSo yesterday, I cooked up plans with my friend to go hiking today.  Connecting with a group of gals from her gym and going to Lake Clementine for an early Sunday hike.  Sounded awesome, especially since I have wanted to start hiking more.  Since I love walking half marathons, hiking seems like a natural extension of it.  Plan was set, all good.  And then last night the “in my head” talk happened.  Here’s how it goes for me.  I make the plan, woohoo! and then start second guessing.  I think about how it would be nice to have a low key morning, get a few things done – or not, but just be mellow.  Ok, truth be told, it was about staying in my comfort zone, my routine.  I even thought about my recent “take it easy” recommendation from the doctor, he lifted it last week but, well, maybe.  In the end, I told myself to stay strong, be brave with myself, step out of my comfort zone and do it.

So I did.  And it was awesome!  I met some great women, hiking beautiful land, enjoying God’s creation, felt GREAT!  Made me think about why I do that, why I wimp out sometimes – falling back to my routine, my safe zone.  I know that the safe zone doesn’t lead to the big stuff – the big fun, the big joy, the life God has for me.  So why do I stay in the safe zone so often? Fear? Maybe. But fear of what is the question.  I don’t really know what.  Because the thing is, when I do step out of the zone, it’s always good.  I never regret it.  I’m always happy for the new experience.  I don’t have this mental struggle with my day to day life.  Getting up at 4 a.m. to exercise? No problem. Swimming an hour and half? Check.  Walking my half marathons or cycling 100 miles? All good.  I might question my sanity, but I do it. But new experiences?  Let me think about it, think about how to get out of it, re-convince myself to do it, but still question.

I’m tired of thinking so hard, figuring out ways to stay in my zone. It comes back to choices and I want to have fewer of them.  It means making a decision and sticking to it. Less choices when I don’t second guess myself, my plans, re-thinking, making a new plan.  When I move forward with my original decision, less choices, so much easier!  Motivation is not the problem, it’s a little fear, and little being “stuck,” and that’s not a space I want to live in. Somehow, I don’t think I’m alone in this. If it’s you, you have your reasons, they may be like mine, or they could be different. The reasons keep us safe, but we miss out on so much.  So I ask you the same thing I ask myself, are you ready to be brave?

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Maybe I am a Cat

I am a catI work a lot with behavior tools at work. I’m sure you’ve used one along the way; DISC; Meyers-Briggs; Predictive Index; The Big Five; The Harry Potter Personality Test (seriously, this is one); The Five Minute Personality Test where you’re labeled a Golden Retriever, an Otter, a Seal or a Lion, the list goes on and on. All this had me thinking, how would I describe myself, from an animal perspective, in relationships?

What if I just looked at it from a high level, I mean, fun level.  Here’s what I decided.  I am a cat.  Let me clarify for a minute, I am not particularly a cat person.  I am cat neutral.  I have not adopted 10 cats to be my surrogate children, no, I am not a cat lady.  But, if I think about how I would see myself in a relationship, a cat might be it.  Here’s the dialogue that would go on in my cat brain, “Oh, hi, hey, yeah, I do want to see you, yep, I’ll nuzzle up against you, oh, you want me to get closer, uhhh, no.  See ya.  Ok wait, I’ll come back, did you mention food? Milk? Fish? That’ll get me getting closer, maybe rubbing on your leg.  Mmmmm…that food was good, I’m out. Hi, yeah, I’m back, don’t ignore me, I’m right here, I’m loving you, adoring you, ok, you win, it’s cold and your feet are warm, I’m staying right here.”

So maybe that’s not 100% me, but kinda, and I don’t know how I feel about it.  What if you were a cat and married a dog.  They’d be all in your face, needing a lot of attention, wanting to play all the time, the cat in you would first swat them in the face and then back away, finding your own space again.  Eventually though, you would start to get used to the dog, it would amuse you and you’d become its friend.  You’d cuddle with it, maybe, and your styles would eventually mesh. The thing is, I think most relationships are a combination of cats and dogs, or other types.  They do eventually mesh.  But if you have one person who insists it’s all dog all the time, or all cat all the time, chances are you’ll end up with problems.

In order for any relationship, whether it be friends or in marriage, to work, they’re needs to be an understanding that some of us are cats and some are dogs.  If someone were to try and get rid of the cat in me, I’d probably dash away, and visa versa if I tried to get rid of the dog, they’d sulk away.  Seems pretty simple but I think we forget sometime. So whether you actually take one of the fancy personality tests or not, the key understanding for any of us is that we’re different. What I’ve learned is that you shouldn’t have to change yourself to be with someone and that’s not always easy.  People pleasers like me want to be liked, but I know that doesn’t make me happy.  So, if I’m a cat, I’m going to stay a cat, embrace the cat, and know that the cat has just as much to bring to the party as anyone else. I encourage anyone else to do the same.